Reply or react?

[Gemcrusader]

Words are very powerfull. If said enough they get stored in memory. Software that is gettin installed. Its like a computer. When repeated a couple times ur memory asks: do u really want to install this software? And we all know viruses can come with it. So... to link that to words it might be handy to scan ur words or use ur inbuild virusscanner as well ofcourse.
But there are also many times these little boxes u have to UNCHECK otherwise a whole lot of crop gets installed as well.

The key i think lies in whether to react or reply. I think reaction is wiser then replying, because replying is without thought and i think sterns more from an egoistic view.
While reacting sterns more from heart.
Because when reacting it means u first let came everything trough (scanned).

Haha, im not sure where to go from here. Mayb others can fill it in further.

What im saying is letting words in from others. If u reply u immediatly let the words in without scanning. There become an exchange of words. I plant this word in you. You plant this word in me. Fine, we mess eachother up. Good, as long as i can do back what u do to me.

Now reacting works differently. RIght? It works mindfull. Do i want this? Do i not? Is it worth my time? Then the reaction comes.

Just some observations i realised today.

because replying is without thought

interesting observation as it implies exactly what it says which is a bit odd because I thought about writing this response , ergo replying is quiet possibly not without thought.

You're right. Psychologically, the human perception is made up of words, and scenarios such as the self fulfilling prophecy have been shown to be widespread - that is, the person that is told they are stupid often, will begin to act stupid, not try so hard in class, set lower goals than they are capable of etc..

There is also something called 'unhelpful (or negative) thinking styles' that when addressed, can have a significant effect on a persons experience of life.

However, 'reaction' is something that I associate as a knee jerk emotional reaction - but response, I associate with a more considered approach - ie, from someone who is able to notice the emotional reaction and look more objectively at the words, before speaking.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by Gemcrusader

Words are very powerfull. If said enough they get stored in memory. Software that is gettin installed. Its like a computer. When repeated a couple times ur memory asks: do u really want to install this software? And we all know viruses can come with it. So... to link that to words it might be handy to scan ur words or use ur inbuild virusscanner as well ofcourse.
But there are also many times these little boxes u have to UNCHECK otherwise a whole lot of crop gets installed as well.

The key i think lies in whether to react or reply. I think reaction is wiser then replying, because replying is without thought and i think sterns more from an egoistic view.
While reacting sterns more from heart.
Because when reacting it means u first let came everything trough (scanned).

Haha, im not sure where to go from here. Mayb others can fill it in further.

What im saying is letting words in from others. If u reply u immediatly let the words in without scanning. There become an exchange of words. I plant this word in you. You plant this word in me. Fine, we mess eachother up. Good, as long as i can do back what u do to me.

Now reacting works differently. RIght? It works mindfull. Do i want this? Do i not? Is it worth my time? Then the reaction comes.

Just some observations i realised today.

Hi Gemcrusader.

I frame this as 'response'.

I see there are two modes of response: 1) the reflex response; and 2) the reaction response. This doesn't apply to the reply one makes. It only applies to how one is affected by what others say.

To portray, if someone swears and abuses you, there are reflexive responses one can feel throughout the body, which are not pleasant, and one can't control that reflex... it just happens (similar to withdrawing hand from hot stove).

Next is the reaction. Does that reflexive feeling make one react in anger or in self defeat or in indignation? It's not likely that one will react with positive emotions.

The main trick in replying in an appropriate manner, is recognising the unpleasant reflexive feeling, and remaining neutral toward it. In fact it isn't the insult that invoked the anger; anger is the personal reaction to the unpleasant reflexive sensations throughout the body.

When one is mindful, they notice the unpleasant experience as it is, but retain their balance of mind, and do not leap into an internal tirade which may then be articulated as a reply. No. One feels the reflex occur and remains detached from it.

Being mindful in this way, enables one to be thoughtful about replying, and through their calm demeanour, deescalate the emotive content of the situation, and reply in the most appropriate way.

Originally Posted by Gemcrusader

Because when reacting it means u first let came everything trough (scanned).

Haha, im not sure where to go from here. Mayb others can fill it in further.

To use another computer analogy, you can always switch on the ...

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I use the terms react and respond.

Reacting being knee jerk.

Responding being mindful.

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by Gemcrusader

Words are very powerfull. If said enough they get stored in memory. Software that is gettin installed. Its like a computer. When repeated a couple times ur memory asks: do u really want to install this software? And we all know viruses can come with it. So... to link that to words it might be handy to scan ur words or use ur inbuild virusscanner as well ofcourse.
But there are also many times these little boxes u have to UNCHECK otherwise a whole lot of crop gets installed as well.

The key i think lies in whether to react or reply. I think reaction is wiser then replying, because replying is without thought and i think sterns more from an egoistic view.
While reacting sterns more from heart.
Because when reacting it means u first let came everything trough (scanned).

Haha, im not sure where to go from here. Mayb others can fill it in further.

What im saying is letting words in from others. If u reply u immediatly let the words in without scanning. There become an exchange of words. I plant this word in you. You plant this word in me. Fine, we mess eachother up. Good, as long as i can do back what u do to me.

Now reacting works differently. RIght? It works mindfull. Do i want this? Do i not? Is it worth my time? Then the reaction comes.

Just some observations i realised today.

Gemcrusader - It could be that reacting and replying are just 2 different sides of the same coin. I suppose when one reacts then they have processed what the other said and given their own circumstances and mindset, comes back with words that are intermixed with who they are and how they see things. I think replying can be without taking the time to really process what was said or just happened. In that case, as you pointed out, it’s simply saying something just for the sake of hearing your own words. But I don’t think either of the above is black and white, but despite that, which one is best and which one serves another or us?

An example: I have a sister that has diarrhea of the mouth. Love her to death, but our conversations both in person and on the phone are one-sided. When I do interject it seems to anger her because it slows her train of thought. Usually she resumes with, “What was I saying? Oh yeah…” I use to think she didn’t care about my reaction or a reply, but just wanted to vent and hear herself talk. But I think she does all the talking in order to process things better, get things off her chest. It doesn’t appear that she wants interruptions, reactions, replies, but to simply be listened to.

I sometimes think the word ‘react’ carries a negative connotation mostly because a reaction often comes quick without a lot of thought. A person can be destructive by reacting without forming a means to convey something such as rage. Whereas the word ‘reply’ to me anyway, seems to take in more consideration for the person one is communicating with. But not always. I often reply on SF with personal experiences and I even project how I’m feeling, which may have nothing to do with the original post. Well that’s my 2 cents worth.

Blackraven

[Lucyan28]

This seems related with another thread about using the instincts or the logic brain to do any action.

I think there are occasions in that we only have micro seconds to react, if we wait to think around probably we would be killed, for example a car accident.

It's wise to know when to react and when not to react.
It's wise to know when to respond and when not to respond.

PS: Not even the most expert poker player can maintain a 100% perfect poker face, if you know what I mean

Peace and cookies !

[lemex]

Originally Posted by Gemcrusader

Words are very powerful. If said enough they get stored in memory. Software that is gettin installed. .....


I'm not sure where to go from here. Maybe others can fill it in further.

What I'm saying is letting words in from others.

If u reply immediately let the words in without scanning. There become an exchange of words. I plant this word in you. You plant this word in me. Fine, we mess each other up. Good, as long as i can do back what u do to me.

I was thinking about your thought to the post saying I am successful. You seem to have provided a good answer to it here. This is what a number of teachers say to do. You realize correctly imo words are extremely powerful and shape us, anyway that's my observation. Sees they shape us in the beginning and reinforce after. This is said to be a technique to reprogram the subconscious, changing the programming.

Letting words in from others as well as yourself, where yourself is more important and hard. We accept the words of others but not ourselves. You change the programming.

You give the best advise avoiding replies because it can lead to conflict. I'd say don't do it. But if you get caught in it find the space in the moment to change. One can be more concern with winning then the seed. You have reminded me of something important, that have led me to clarification. Now is it right.

Originally Posted by Gemcrusader

Words are very powerfull. If said enough they get stored in memory. Software that is gettin installed. Its like a computer. When repeated a couple times ur memory asks: do u really want to install this software? And we all know viruses can come with it. So... to link that to words it might be handy to scan ur words or use ur inbuild virusscanner as well ofcourse.
But there are also many times these little boxes u have to UNCHECK otherwise a whole lot of crop gets installed as well.

The key i think lies in whether to react or reply. I think reaction is wiser then replying, because replying is without thought and i think sterns more from an egoistic view.
While reacting sterns more from heart.
Because when reacting it means u first let came everything trough (scanned).

Haha, im not sure where to go from here. Mayb others can fill it in further.

What im saying is letting words in from others. If u reply u immediatly let the words in without scanning. There become an exchange of words. I plant this word in you. You plant this word in me. Fine, we mess eachother up. Good, as long as i can do back what u do to me.

Now reacting works differently. RIght? It works mindfull. Do i want this? Do i not? Is it worth my time? Then the reaction comes.

Just some observations i realised today.

Collision theory is not even about words.

Mindfulness is about being mindful of all of you regardless of exchange. Planting words, will grow in ways the seed has already been implanted. And those seeds are not about words.
When you allow it all, you allow yourself to be mindful through the whole presence of sharing in you