Why has he been sent to me?

[Angel27]

I am really confused right now. I joined a dating app and went on a date with a guy, I had no expectations. On the first date I felt like we had known each other for many years and he later told me he felt this. On both of our dates he would tell me things about his life experiences/hobbies and it would be similar to what I have been through. There is absolutely no way he would have known this stuff and it's not like he copied my answers as he said it first. I did not reveal everything and would just word my response as the lesson that was learned as I was cautious. He is very spiritual too and I find he has a lovely persona and find him physically attractive.

The only thing is he talked a lot about his past relationships, which were very dysfunctional, he has shown signs of low self-esteem and has told me he has mild anxiety. I did not talk about my relationship history. He said he would like to be friends if I don't want to date him. This put me on the spot and I said it would be unlikely as I don’t want to give false hope. I wish he didn’t ask me this as it was too soon and we should have been enjoying the moment. I now would like stay in touch with him as I value him being in my life after our meetings – I feel he needs to know this.

Why has he been sent to me? I am in a good place right now and am past the stage of dwelling on past relationships and focusing on my current life goals. It is very clear he is not ready for a relationship. I want to find a man who has fully been healed and have no intention on rescuing a man. Is there a possibility he would heal and we would be in a relationship, should I just keep him as a friend or move on and continue my life the way it was before without him? I need to protect myself as I do not need to go through heartbreak.

[Bornonthecusp]

Follow your heart?

[Lucky]

I feel like we often come into contact with someone whose shoes we were once in. There would naturally be an attraction to us because we overcame something they haven't yet, or like we know something they don't kind of thing. I believe this is true whether we have a deep conversation about such topics or not, the energy can be felt by both people. This is true, in my opinion, in any kind of romantic relationship, friendship, or between family members.

If you can clearly tell he is not ready for a romantic relationship then keep him as a friend but make sure your boundaries are clear and you are very direct about the feelings you have or don't have for him. Some people can latch on and become clingy.

In the end, any good relationship is about give and take and there is always something to be learned and something to teach one another.

[TheMotherKnowsAll]

There are a million different ways to experience everything, but only a small amount of things to experience. Everyone has only 1 first love, 1'st heartbreak, etc. They all happen differently, but they all happen to us, so there is a huge commonality in all people, because we share the same life experiences, even tho in different ways. I think that is why so many people can say, we have everything in common. You are just at the same place, or have been thru roughly the same amount of experiences as the other person. What actually matters isn't all that past stuff, it is the new things, the now things, the things you make with the new person. Everything else is just baggage. If you are holding on to hurt from past dysfunctional relationships or you are judging current girlfriends/boyfriends on some impossible dream mate, you are carrying baggage. Let it go and have nothing but today. I wish you the best of luck.
I hope your next online date is a real burst of sunshine

Looks like he's having problems moving on - and seems to still be hurt/consumed by the past.

[Dargor]

First of all, anxiety and low self-esteem isn't something that can just be ''healed''. Obviously you've never dealt with it before. To say that he needs to be rescued because of his little issues sounds very humiliating.

And my question to you now: why are men with low self-esteem unacceptable and shunned by women society? Why not just accept men the way they really are? I actually already know the true answer to that, but I'm still curious to hear your personal answer even though it probably wouldn't be too much different.

On top of that, he hasn't been sent to you by anyone. You only just happened to meet him in a dating app by coincidence, so the choice is entirely up to yourself. However, if you only prefer the alpha males then you might as well ditch him and move on instead of keeping him in your life and belittling him.

[Anne]

I resonate with Slayer’s post. Accept people the way they are..

In my opinion, most people will bring baggage of some sort to a new relationship, and although they would like nothing more than to dump their baggage, it doesn’t happen overnight. Usually any help is appreciated.

Having said that-, if you really feel the need to protect yourself, then by all means do so.

[Angel27]

I agree SlayerOf Light to accept people for who they are.

I experienced very bad anxiety and panic attacks last year due to a traumatic incident, which I could not leave the house for over a week at one point. People have said don’t date an anxious person as I want to move away from that but I know I would be supportive as I have experienced it and I still do mildly. I would prefer a sensitive guy than a macho guy who does not care.

We only had one day between our first date and I don’t know why he was so pressuring to meet again. He went on holiday and ignored a message I had sent him before he went away and he went on the dating app while away which he can do, as he is single.

Whilst it is good to understand someone’s background, I felt the dates were one big therapy session for him. He even told me he needs therapy and is lonely and hates being on his own. I don't feel equipped enough to be like a counsellor to him, I really did not expect to hear some really deep issues he told me about which I can't mention just in case he is on here. I just wanted to protect myself, as the question is does he want to be with someone for them or does he just hate being alone.

He is back off holiday now and is still using the app so I doubt I will hear from him again. It feels like it was such a long time ago now. Maybe we were only meant to have that short time together. I do wonder though as he is the only guy who has similar spiritual beliefs and that I felt attracted to if I will find this again.