forgiveness -

Sounds like it's turning into word-play now. "Forgiving is "letting go"." I'll add that to the list of definitions.

I guess some people are happier being doormats or the passive butts to the vicissitudes of interactions that turn sour. This is of course, a perfectly acceptable route for those who find freedom this way. But it isn't the only way. Some people convert wrongs done them into lessons that help them rise above.

But like I said, my view didn't set out to be popular among the more passive spiritual seekers.

[Little Peanut]

Its very difficult to forgive others who have caused such hardships to you and your loved ones. I have only read the fist few posts here and I think Pisces_moon has hit the nail on the head with their post-

Originally Posted by Pisces_Moon

Hi Candlelight,
I've been working on forgiveness of myself and others for a while and it can really be hard at times. I feel the first place to start is with yourself.
I keep a self love journal and write to myself from a third person perspective.
I do affirmations to help me with my journey, and have only just started to learn how to forgive others. I write letters to them in my journal, I outline what actions they did that caused me to feel a certain way and tell them that in order for me to move on from that I send forgiveness and how I have made something positive from their negative actions/words. In reality, your forgiveness of them would make no difference to them. As long as you, yourself know that you have forgiven them then you can keep moving on your journey.
Honestly though, it begins with yourself.
Love and light XX

It is really hard!

I have had people take such terrible advantage of me, stole MUCH from me-and nearly killed me, (both physically as well as emotionally), leaving me with physical disabilities as a result. But I realized I had to forgive them and move on--FOR MYSELF.

Its a daily process. Even at times when I think I have mastered forgiveness for the things that were done to me, I sometimes slip up again and am reminded of the pain they caused me. (some of that hurt has left me with scars that will never heal and I have to live with daily) But, I just work harder to forgive them yet again.

Its not just for them that I forgive, but for myself too. And, possibly mostly for myself. Because I look at it as:

1. I can allow myself to stay mad and angry with the ones who have hurt me or continue to hurt me. To do this will also mean I'm held back and will continue to allow my health to fall apart, if I cannot be strong to push forward and live my life to its fullest!

2. I can forgive them and be done with it. Allow happiness to come back into my life for what I do have and what is healthy for me. And, as I mentioned, this is often a daily thing I have to do.

Some of the forgiveness I have to work at happened to me over 30 years ago. For the most part, I'm successful at forgiving the wrong doers. But, when I am reminded (by running into them somewhere or hearing about them) of the hurt and trauma they caused for me, I sometimes slip back into that angry, sad self. I try not only to forgive them, but pray for them that they will see what they have done to me and others and do their best to change so as to not repeat these wrongs to others.

Who wants to be around a sad and angry person? Anger and hate will eat away at you as well as the ones around you. To forgive them (even if you have to work at the forgiveness every day of the rest of your life), will allow the light to come in to you again and allow you to be healthy and free to live happily!

Its very important for yourself to forgive those who have done you wrong.

Little Peanut,

But this is it - forgive all you like (or call it whatever other word you want) but absolving others doesn't wipe the memories, it doesn't make things right. And the residual emotion will linger. Short of hypnotism or some other extremity I don't know how one can erase memories or their effects. In fact, any psychologist (though I have little good to say about them) would find suppression dangerous. It will manifest in various ways sooner or later.

I can't go along with anger holding someone back and impairing their health in every case. It could do. But it's also a colossal magic(k)al energy and can be "used up" in that way.

In fact, a case for retribution rather than forgiveness can be made to clear the thing from oneself. Cathartic. It creates equilibrium. This is what the scales of Libra are about. Justice balances. "Moving on" / "letting go" is then easy because those discomforting memories/emotions are balanced with knowing balance has been restored. Doesn't have to be a direct physical encounter. (Members here who are sorcerers are well-acquainted with this and, LOL, presumably stayed out of this discussion because its one that can't be won!)

But it is up to us individually and only fair to the OP to present a variety of opinions.

Originally Posted by kkfern

i have made a decision. last year my new years resolution was to work on being patient. well, as the year ends people have noticed that i am patient. they have actually commented on it. i think i am better at being patient.

so this year i will work on being more forgiving. i think it is a precess you do not notice until you have arrived ans start looking back.

kk

this post made me smile

There are some who must be stopped first then as I forgive them, so do I forgive myself.

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Sounds like it's turning into word-play now. "Forgiving is "letting go"." I'll add that to the list of definitions.

I guess some people are happier being doormats or the passive butts to the vicissitudes of interactions that turn sour. This is of course, a perfectly acceptable route for those who find freedom this way. But it isn't the only way. Some people convert wrongs done them into lessons that help them rise above.

But like I said, my view didn't set out to be popular among the more passive spiritual seekers.

Lorelyen,

Forgiveness is more about releasing yourself from the mental prison of hatred than it is about being a doormat. Consider the below example:

A judge presides over a case where the alleged criminal is accused of harming someone the judge cares about.

If the judge dismisses the case due to a lack of evidence, but still believes that the alleged criminal committed the crime in his heart and bears hatred towards this person for years and years, this, despite his ruling to let the criminal free, is living in a state of unforgiveness.

Conversely, if the judge finds that there is enough evidence to convict the criminal, sentences them to their punishment and locks them away for the safety of society and the loved one who is harmed, but in his heart, is able to let go of his hatred towards the criminal, this is living in a state of forgiveness.

One can stand firm against those who do harm and still live in a state of forgiveness. It sounds like a paradoxical concept, but one can be a strong protector of one's self and others and hold within themselves a forgiving heart. When one forgives, actions come from what is necessary to protect self and others... it is not excessive, harmful to self and harmful to others like the action and thought that comes from unforgiveness and hatred.

-TaoSandwich