Abandonment

[Hadarian]

Originally Posted by bluebinding

We certainly don't seem to be in control of when and how certain special people enter and exit our lives. But right now I want to call 'foul'! to the universe. It seems so unfair to be separated from loved ones and it makes me sad. It makes me question my purpose in this life and whether I should have come here. I seem to be going down a path that is beneficial to greater humanity but leaves me unable to share deeper, personal love. I don't think I'm growing or experiencing at the core of my being.

I don't think our lives are as fulfilling when we aren't journeying with people who deeply know us.

This is precisely why I came to this forum. I feel so isolated and alone. I'm introverted, so to a large extent I choose my isolation, but only because I'm surrounded by "status quo" people who are not spiritual, still dealing with things like drinking, smoking etc. My lifestyle is incompatible with theirs.

Then I relegate my socializing to the Internet and online I just seem to attract guys with an agenda who come in with a passion and are gone within a week. Nobody stays. :(

As if that weren't bad enough, I've always been very shy, and once I grew out of my shyness, I was and still am quite socially inept, very bad at small talk. So I seem to have difficulty finding a way to connect with people online too on sites like Facebook (which I don't have anymore). Somehow interactions just feel insincere or artificial or shallow.

I am just coming out of an experience this past week where I felt myself starting to feel close to a guy (online, of course), he also led me to believe he was deeply interested in me and I shared something very deep and personal with him which by all rights should have brought us closer together, but instead he stopped writing entirely. In retrospect, I realized he was not an exception to the rule, which I thought he was--he had an agenda with me as well and I believe when he realized he could not get it fulfilled with me, he buggered off, like men do.

Despite all that, I don't have a defeatist attitude, because I know if I work on myself enough, I will begin to attract higher quality people who aren't trying to use me.

I just wanted to let you know, I am experiencing exactly the same thing.