Thwarting Unwanted Advances with Love and Kindness

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Badcopyinc

This is exactly why i haven't been in a relationship in years. Almost as if you were in my head, lol.

I cant argue much of the woman vs man thing. I agree to much of the struggle for women even attempting to befriend the opposite sex. 90% of the men they interact with in person or on social media want sex. so its easy to assume everyone does. and sadly the men who want genuine relationships usually dont speak up and go unnoticed. Mostly the type of women (25-35) I cross paths with want sex or want to use sex to get what they want. and again i don't blame them. they were taught to do this and be like this. much like the men. But i combat this by being celibate even by No Fap. when i remove any urges from myself i gain better control of my actions and also don't feed into sexual manipulation. It also weeds out the one's after sex much faster

But i can say that I'm 34 have three kids and have at least 5 genuine relationships with females who no longer dare to look at me for their own happiness let alone sexual fulfillment.

Hey hey hey then my good man
Here's to breaking some new ground and good on you.
If you've got 3 kids then you've got your head on straight IMO focusing on them and you...and just chilling and owning your game for a good long spell

And thanks for the affirmation. 90% is a low number. I said 90% a few yrs ago and the older gents who are dad's age who will befriend me said, naaaah it's more like 95% minimum. What can I say? All estimates are probably on the low side

But watch the balance. Most women probably tend to give too much in any relationship with a man, including friendship, and that's why gents get lazy and demanding with their emotional engagement. Actually a few gents I cared for a lot, one I love dearly, have all backed off to some degree simply because they weren't willing to really invest in a personal friendship...most it was once they realised sex was not on the table.

But the one I really loved, soul to soul, I think it was because he didn't want to invest too much time or energy in a friendship either. I think he felt any giving on his part of any kind was too much. Maybe (?) like for some, love is seen as a finite source and if they give any of it away, they feel it as a theft or a loss. For a long time, I felt like there was a hole of sorts in my life, much more than just earnestly missing the support like you would anyone who'd been your friend.

Maybe for plenty of men, it's not the demands of a "relationship" that is the kicker if they're getting sex out of it.
Maybe for plenty of men, it's friendships with women which may demand more authenticity. Whether you are platonic friends only.
Or whether you are also sexual partners.
Authentic and beloved friendship may even require more honesty and investment, because you just bring yourself. No game, no bull, no autopilot ;)

Peace & blessings
7L

[Nature Grows]

Hello 7luminaries, im not here to pick sides, but im gonna comment on some things you have said, not all of what you said cause it will take to long, you write a lot, i might miss some things i could add comments too but ill just grab somethings.. as far as im concerd the majority of both sexes are messed up in the head when it comes to this.. both, and i will just share a bit.. things that i feel i can add too.

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

I would say that most simply fail at a true friendship first & foremost between genders, full stop.

Another thing i think is, men these days, a lot of them are not in touch with there masculine energy, they have become, some of them quiet passive and things.. what happen to the vikings? the ones who take care of business and get stuff done, make changes ect.. some still are in touch with it, but theres a whole heap of passive, submissive, soy boy men out there who are just not in touch with there masculine energy. Now this may be a reason why some women are going crazy at men, because there are not enough men actually being in touch with there masculine energy. Now before you 7luminaries start saying no the masculine is violent and bad, understand that its not, masculine is not the man beating his girlfriend, masculine is a powerful energy, like i said its warrior, its a no surrender attitude in tought times, it's protective, action, planning, strategic, strong will power and much more.

For a human being to have true intelligence they need to be balanced of both qualities both sides of the brain, so thats.. Intellect, Action (Masculine) The Sun. Intuition, compassion (Feminine) The Moon.

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

On friendship...
If you are female seeking friendship and love simply as your primary way of relating to the world...then good luck with men, unfortunately.

Some other reasons that i have heard from men are, these are reasons some men don't want to be friends with the women: They feel feminism has destroyed the western womans mind, they don't want to be involved with them, the real feminie lady is what a lot of men find attractive. They also feel like the system we live in favours women over men, expecally if a man gets married, when they divorce, she will take his money, his kids ect..

The family dynamic for humans is also being torn apart, all this stuff men vs woman is playing into the seperation game and it does not empower the human race at all, it doesn't unit them. The family unit traditionally is man goes gets and collects iteams/money woman looks after the place they stay and raises the kids, now some women will be like "woah woah woah! you want me to do what! im equal to men, i should be allowed to work" im not saying they shouldn't however what i would like to point out is, these woman in my opinion had the most imporant job, there job was always more imporant then the mans when it comes to these two roles but both are needed.

We also have this other group of people messing with the children, this is the trans/gay/lesbian groups, so not only do we have feminist messing with the women, and things like MGTOW explaining all the neagtive things about realtionships with women to men, that group MGTOW in the begging it was an idea for men just to be free, independent live there life how they want, not be influenced to live a life they feel they should when they don't want to be learn to be wary of some women, and not get married because of the legal issues that may happen, and thats fine, thats good it can be helpful for guys and people to know or get info about things before they dive in and regret it later. However a vast majority of them these days just like feminists just hate the other sex, we also have groups going after the children like i said just before, we have transgender people and drag queens going into schools to teach very young children that its ok to be transgender and you can be what ever gender you want (iv spoken about this on another thread) nothing against gays and all them but, its not something that is good for the whole human species, no definetley not. I watched a video recently about some guy interveiwing a woman trying to understand there "i choose my gender ideology" the woman says shes not a woman, the guy says but clearly you are, she then says well i don't identify with being a woman, anyway there was more to it, but the woman said it is an ATTACK to call her a woman and she finds it offencive, she then stormed off, she was just like, me, me, me, thats all they care about, themselves.

So as you can see, women, men and children a.k.a the family unit being torn apart maniplualted and confused.

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

You as a woman are not valued for your humanity...absolutely not. You're valued by most men first for your vagina and your sexual services, and also secondarily for bootlicking, subservience, and ego bolstering

and the mans version of this would be (because there similar just going about it in different ways).. "You're valued by most women by your statues in society, the money you can give her, how much you can help make her friends jealous of her a.k.a her ego bolstering ect.." things like that is what men say. this is not how all relationships are but most are or at least its apart of it, for those that are based on that stuff alot it sounds similar to a prostitute with a client.(reading on in ur post i see that u kinda mentioned this the man veiw) Also Personlly i don't think the statues in society thing and money really matters if your a guy (good to have the money though its helpful of course, statues i dont care about) i have had women want to get to know me even when iv told them i dont have a job, money and statues are not needed. It could/can depend on the person though you know every one has there personality and ideas in there head.

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Men run stuff and they call the shots and the vast majority largely cannot and will not be bothered to spend time in adulthood with a non-familial woman (non-relative) who doesn't actively or potentially want to have a sexual relationship with them.

Well, it is quiet common to see groups of men hanging out as friends, and groups of females hanging out as friends, if you take a look around its kinda natural, there is some groups that mix the two as well. However another thing to mention is if a man who is with a woman goes and hangs out with another woman, that woman his with will most likely lose her sh!t and even vise versa with a woman being friends with another man, this isn't always the case if they all know eachother. But there both the same or similar regarding this imo.

Might type more later, g2g work just realized. sorry about typos if you find i was on a phone when i wrote all this.

[Imzadi]

My dear friend Nature Grows,

You bring up some very interesting points. I think that I can somewhat understand how you might feel that hetero-sexual men are threatened by feminism or peoples and cultures that are outside of the hetero norm. Traditional and cultural values are great and should be honored, but the Universe is also big enough to include various other groups without them becoming demonized by people who fear them. What is troubling and difficult in this day and age is that there seems to be a lot of fear of the people and cultures that are not within our own immediate understanding. This creates a lot of divisiveness that can be dangerous and harmful. We are all HUMAN beings experiencing a wide range of culture and traditions as we navigate this Earthly experience and should be kind and respectful towards others. Of course, as you know already, I strongly disagree with your statement that gays/trans/lesbians/feminists are harmful and messing with children. Your suggestion seems misguided and coming from a place of fear and this often leads to violence.

There have been unfortunate and tragic cases of men raping and killing lesbians because they disagree and feel threatened by their existence. So many trans women falls victims to rape and murder as well. I find that unfortunately, in those instances, the real danger and threat is not from trans people or feminist women, but from ignorant, fearful, and misguided men. Just think about Matthew Shepherd a high school student who was brutally murdered because of fear and homophobia. If we want to protect children, we should teach them LOVE and ACCEPTANCE. I truly hope that your mindset is much more evolve than that because after speaking with you, I feel that you are generally a thoughtful and kindhearted person.

However, like we have said before in other correspondence, I think we always come to an impasse because we have very difference in opinion, and while I respect your right to your opinion, I find that heart-breakingly sad and uninformed. Again, I know I won't change your mind and I am not trying to. I just want to say that as someone who knows a great deal of loving, kind, and Spiritual people that might identify as gay/trans/lesbian/feminist, I find it incredibly unfortunate that you always vilify their group because it is in these type of vilification that cost people's lives...

Case and point: In 2014, one of the sweetest people that I have ever met (and I've met A LOT of wonderful people) was beaten to the point of brain dead in broad daylight with homophobic slurs being shouted at him. He was taken off life support a few days later at precisely 3:33 pm (because it's his Spiritual number). I used to call him, "Angel Boy," because he was the kindest most sensitive person I've had the honor of crossing paths with. We would sit by the beach musing about the Universe and the Angels together as he comforted me patiently when I was grieving for another friend who had passed. He would remind me that he Ascended... and now he is with the Angels too.

I pray that LOVE, Peace, and understanding touches your heart. *BIG HUGS* And my friendship to you is always open regardless of how different we may perceive the world. :)

P.S. I recommend you checking out the movie "Boys Don't Cry" which illustrates the true story of a trans man (played by Hilary Swank) and his strength, courage, and HUMANITY. Unfortunately, he was murdered due to the disturbing trend of homophobia and transphobia. And regardless of how you feel about transgender people... this movie is much more than just that singular issue, it also shows us the beauty and the ugliness of what human beings are capable of. Here's to praying that we cultivate more LOVE together instead of fear.



The trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYpUhVvfGeg

[Nature Grows]

Originally Posted by Imzadi

My dear friend Nature Grows,

Hello Imzadi hows it going.

Originally Posted by Imzadi

You bring up some very interesting points. I think that I can somewhat understand how you might feel that hetero-sexual men are threatened by feminism or peoples and cultures that are outside of the hetero norm.

No, not men, society, that includes women, men and children. These groups are all fighting amongst themselves, and some going after each others children to plant ideas in there mind... its not about peace an unity as we can see, its all driven by selfish motives, fear and peoples inner wounds and traumas. And with the modern day feminists and modern day mgtow, they both say men and women are stupid if they are not like them, which causes separation, anger, fear ect.. for those who believe them.

Originally Posted by Imzadi

Traditional and cultural values are great and should be honored, but the Universe is also big enough to include various other groups without them becoming demonized by people who fear them. What is troubling and difficult in this day and age is that there seems to be a lot of fear of the people and cultures that are not within our own immediate understanding.

Yup, i didn't say there not included in the universe, nor did i say demonise them or people should fear them, i just said basically if they push this stuff on the kids, the kids grow up and those kids create the human world, do you see how they have tried to go straight for the root of human society? gays and transgenders are allowed to exist, the majority of people are ok with them but it should not be encouraged as the norm to human children. We have already had this conversation before really and i don't think you have an understanding of social engineering to even understand the point that i make, you think i am attacking trans and gays directly when i am not, i am saying these groups have been set up to pull apart and divide society. It's the same for all groups that have an opposite, theres black lives matter and #Metoo movement, all of them.

Originally Posted by Imzadi

This creates a lot of divisiveness that can be dangerous and harmful. We are all HUMAN beings experiencing a wide range of culture and traditions as we navigate this Earthly experience and should be kind and respectful towards others. Of course, as you know already, I strongly disagree with your statement that gays/trans/lesbians/feminists are harmful and messing with children. Your suggestion seems misguided and coming from a place of fear and this often leads to violence.

You don't have to agree with me, its not about me, im not sharing my opinion here really because its actually fact, all these groups exist and they fight amongst themselves also i showed you the videos in the other thread of how the dragqueens were speaking with the children.

Originally Posted by Imzadi

There have been unfortunate and tragic cases of men raping and killing lesbians because they disagree and feel threatened by their existence. So many trans women falls victims to rape and murder as well. I find that unfortunately, in those instances, the real danger and threat is not from trans people or feminist women, but from ignorant, fearful, and misguided men. Just think about Matthew Shepherd a high school student who was brutally murdered because of fear and homophobia. If we want to protect children, we should teach them LOVE and ACCEPTANCE. I truly hope that your mindset is much more evolve than that because after speaking with you, I feel that you are generally a thoughtful and kindhearted person.

Those events you shared are very sad, however you shouldn't teach the children or people to love and accept something that is manipulating them or harmful to society and by that i mean the actual organisations and the people who start and run these groups and then the people who join them with the idea of recruiting more people not for actually helping others but to create a kinda of army of angry/hurt people. There maywell be some good people in these groups, but like many organisations an groups, you get people at the top that mess it up, these things normally start out being good, not always though, then they fall into chaos..

Its crazy you would try put me in the same category as murders and rapists for not agreeing with you, but im really not surprised. Iv said a number of times but you keep ignoring me, that i dont have a problem with people being how ever they want to be it becomes a problem when they form these groups and wallow in there misery together then go an project it on others and try recruit more people, its wrong for people to hurt and kill the people as you described, those type of things can happen and do happen to people who are not gay or trans to though, ok.

Originally Posted by Imzadi

However, like we have said before in other correspondence, I think we always come to an impasse because we have very difference in opinion, and while I respect your right to your opinion, I find that heart-breakingly sad and uninformed. Again, I know I won't change your mind and I am not trying to. I just want to say that as someone who knows a great deal of loving, kind, and Spiritual people that might identify as gay/trans/lesbian/feminist, I find it incredibly unfortunate that you always vilify their group. You are much smarter than that!

It wasn't about just your group specifically i mentioned three, modern day feminism, modern day mgtow and some trans and gays. Theres are just three that are used to pull apart the family unit and theres other groups people fall into to cause separation within the human race to. Divide and conquer.

Originally Posted by Imzadi

Case and point: In 2014, one of the sweetest people that I have ever met (and I've met A LOT of wonderful people) was beaten to the point of brain dead in broad daylight with homophobic slurs being shouted at him. He was taken off life support a few days later at precisely 3:33 pm (because it's his Spiritual number). I used to call him, "Angel Boy," because he was the kindest most sensitive person I've had the honor of crossing paths with. We would sit by the beach musing about the Universe and the Angels together as he comforted me patiently when I was grieving for another friend who had passed. He would remind me that he Ascended... and now he is with the Angels too.

Very sad, sorry for your lose, this story actually got to me a little bit or i was picking up on the energy of the post, but i shook myself out it so i could respond correctly and not just from emotions, this could be seen as a form of emotional manipulation what you are doing, bringing up all these sad sorrys when this wasn't about gays to begin with and your bringing them up so people feel sorry for the group that you represent and agree with you, other groups have got these similar stories, your not even doing it consciously i don't think. doesn't matter.

Im not apart of any of these groups, im just saying what im seeing going on amongst them and there effects they cause, thats it really.

Originally Posted by Imzadi

I pray that LOVE, Peace, and understanding touches your heart. *BIG HUGS* And my friendship to you is always open regardless of how different we may perceive the world. :)

Thank you, the same to you, im sorry if i offended you, im just speaking & sharing, perhaps i could have left this thread alone.

Originally Posted by Imzadi

P.S. I recommend you checking out the movie "Boys Don't Cry" which illustrates the true story of a trans man (played by Hilary Swank) and his strength, courage, and HUMANITY. Unfortunately, he was murdered due to the disturbing trend of homophobia and transphobia.

The trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYpUhVvfGeg

Ok thanks for sharing, we really don't have to continue this convo if you don't want, im ok with that. The convo is not going to change these issues in the real world, maybe someone who reads does some research or something, talking is good actually, and sharing info of course, but yea we've already talked about this an similar things before.

[Nature Grows]

,.,.,.,.,.,.,,.,.,

[Imzadi]

I respect your civility and appreciate you engaging in a thoughtful productive manner. I think it is crucial that WE as humanity continue this conversation. in your previous messages you tend to insist that you have nothing against LGTB+ communities, yet your words, attitude, and mindset often suggests that you take offense to how you perceive that they negatively affect society particularly when it comes to the socialization of children.

You cannot have it both ways; saying you having nothing against one thing while relentlessly demonizing it. If I think something is harmful (such as ignorance and intolerance), I would speak out and voice against it because it is the responsible and compassionate thing to do as a human being. I see that while we don't share the same view points, that I like to think that's where you are coming from also. You tirelessly continue to point out what you perceive as negative impacts of the LGBT+ community because you truly believe it. So while it is unfortunately misguided, perhaps I am naive, but I like to think that you have good intentions.

We keep circling around the same thing and I think we have both said all that we can possibly say at this point. I have one last thing to say, while I am celibate do not identify with any sexual orientation, I am very much a part of the vibrant LGBT+ community. We are teachers, doctors, social workers, Reiki practitioners, police officers, librarians, dancers, artists, soccer players, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons, and daughters. We are human beings just like you. :)

Lastly, thank you so much for our dialogue because I do feel that from a Spiritual perspective, it opens up our hearts and minds to be more LOVING and kind. I feel an immense love and friendship for you even though clearly we disagree on some very serious issues and I hope you feel the same. I think that's what we call Spiritual growth! :)

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Imzadi

I respect your civility and appreciate you engaging in a thoughtful productive manner. I think it is crucial that WE as humanity continue this conversation. in your previous messages you tend to insist that you have nothing against LGTB+ communities, yet your words, attitude, and mindset often suggests that you take offense to how you perceive that they negatively affect society particularly when it comes to the socialization of children.

You cannot have it both ways; saying you having nothing against one thing while relentlessly demonizing it. If I think something is harmful (such as ignorance and intolerance), I would speak out and voice against it because it is the responsible and compassionate thing to do as a human being. I see that while we don't share the same view points, that I like to think that's where you are coming from also. You tirelessly continue to point out what you perceive as negative impacts of the LGBT+ community because you truly believe it. So while it is unfortunately misguided, perhaps I am naive, but I like to think that you have good intentions.

We keep circling around the same thing and I think we have both said all that we can possibly say at this point. I have one last thing to say, while I am celibate do not identify with any sexual orientation, I am very much a part of the vibrant LGBT+ community. We are teachers, doctors, social workers, Reiki practitioners, police officers, librarians, dancers, artists, soccer players, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons, and daughters. We are human beings just like you. :)

Lastly, thank you so much for our dialogue because I do feel that from a Spiritual perspective, it opens up our hearts and minds to be more LOVING and kind. I feel an immense love and friendship for you even though clearly we disagree on some very serious issues and I hope you feel the same. I think that's what we call Spiritual growth! :)

Imzadi, "dude"....wow. What a beautiful post. You missed your calling as a bard and a poet

Agreed with all you say about the humanity of all and the need to always strive to be more aligned with lovingkindness and equanimity.

Peace & blessings
7L

[7luminaries]

Quote:
Originally Posted by 7luminaries

I would say that most simply fail at a true friendship first & foremost between genders, full stop.

Originally Posted by Nature Grows

Another thing i think is, men these days, a lot of them are not in touch with there masculine energy, they have become, some of them quiet passive and things.. what happen to the vikings? the ones who take care of business and get stuff done, make changes ect.. some still are in touch with it, but theres a whole heap of passive, submissive, soy boy men out there who are just not in touch with there masculine energy. Now this may be a reason why some women are going crazy at men, because there are not enough men actually being in touch with there masculine energy. Now before you 7luminaries start saying no the masculine is violent and bad, understand that its not, masculine is not the man beating his girlfriend, masculine is a powerful energy, like i said its warrior, its a no surrender attitude in tought times, it's protective, action, planning, strategic, strong will power and much more.

For a human being to have true intelligence they need to be balanced of both qualities both sides of the brain, so thats.. Intellect, Action (Masculine) The Sun. Intuition, compassion (Feminine) The Moon.

NG hello there Let me clarify, for certain, I never said masculine = violent. And I completely agree regarding balance. TBH, I don't think I need most men today to tell me or any mature woman anything about being strong and disciplined.. but these are important aspects of our humanity, I agree. What I need and what we all need is for folks to all strive to be balanced, each of us for ourselves. For both women and men too to be both strong and disciplined, mature, responsible, honourable and deeply respectful -- and also flexible, emotionally deep, engaged, and willing to be vulnerable with those who demonstrate lovingkindness, regard, honour, and trustworthiness. Only in this way can men form authentic, emotionally engaged friendships with anyone. And only in this way can we break out of the toxic cultural paradigms that we're steeped in.

Everything I've said about the current state of affairs -- and most of the large-scale patterns of behaviour we see all round -- are IMO mostly products of massive cultural indoctrination into toxic cultural paradigms and toxic social institutions. I've said it many, many times elsewhere but I forget I may need to clarify for folks

Meaning, the toxic mainstream paradigms don't have the highest good of any of us, nor therefore of all of us. They exploit and manipulate each and all according to his or her vulnerabilities and weaknesses. For social control of the powerful over the weak, primarily, and secondarily for economic gain of the powerful by the weak. These are base motivations, for certain, and it's these base motivations that underwrite our mainstream society and culture. Most folks are in no small part unwitting targets of all this, until and unless they really deconstruct it all and decide for themselves what they will and will not take on, stand for, and be a part of.

And BTW...IMO the problem is, you can't expect a woman to be passive and stay at home, whilst also expecting her to be mature emotionally, to not look to you for financial support and/or to not look to you for support in society. As she will be not only weak and vulnerable (being a woman) but also lacking in any economic independence. She may also remain emotionally stunted and immature in the cocoon, which you'll then grow to loathe and resent all too commonly. Also, this is just a fairy tale for loads of women round the world as they've always worked, and many have had to work outside the home for pay regardless of having kids.

So what to do? Well...being overtly girly is way unnecessary IMO and plus frequently puts you at even greater risk for being harassed, raped, abused, and taken advantage of by predators. We already are girly and soft (feminine) in our appearance. We are already physically weak and vulnerable. But that doesn't mean IMO that we should play to men's need to dominate and penetrate and control by being submissive &/or manipulative with men. How does that help anyone? Cannot men meet us as simply as equals under God? For we are that, your equal standing at your shoulder, in every way except physical strength. If we love you as men then we honour that in you...but honouring a man's manhood and implicitly also his sexuality is a private thing between those who know and care for one another IMO, and I personally find it common, coarse, and manipulative if a woman relates to men in general this way ("as if" sexually, or, playing to his sexuality). What is special about that? Women don't want your parts on passing...we're not wired that way. So what is it she's doing? She's playing to you and manipulating you in passing, rather amorally, if it's more than courtesy and a warm smile, IMO. Being helpless and batting eyelashes whilst others cater to you, it's similar but more a borderline/codependent approach.

If everyone needs to grow up and find balance, then IMO we all have to accept both strength AND softness in each and every one of us...in our character and in our hearts...each in our own different ways. And this is particularly true of finding, being, and doing love and kindness and true, beloved friendship with one another.

Peace & blessings
7L

Originally Posted by Nature Grows

Another thing i think is, men these days, a lot of them are not in touch with there masculine energy, they have become, some of them quiet passive and things.. what happen to the vikings? the ones who take care of business and get stuff done, make changes ect.. some still are in touch with it, but theres a whole heap of passive, submissive, soy boy men out there who are just not in touch with there masculine energy. Now this may be a reason why some women are going crazy at men, because there are not enough men actually being in touch with there masculine energy. Now before you 7luminaries start saying no the masculine is violent and bad, understand that its not, masculine is not the man beating his girlfriend, masculine is a powerful energy, like i said its warrior, its a no surrender attitude in tought times, it's protective, action, planning, strategic, strong will power and much more.

For a human being to have true intelligence they need to be balanced of both qualities both sides of the brain, so thats.. Intellect, Action (Masculine) The Sun. Intuition, compassion (Feminine) The Moon.

Buddha and Jesus both were un-intelligent and also lacking masculine according to your depiction of what a man is. I wonder how they ascended or even gained enlightenment while still on earth?

They say you can only understand another as deeply as you understand yourself.

[Imzadi]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Imzadi, "dude"....wow. What a beautiful post. You missed your calling as a bard and a poet

Agreed with all you say about the humanity of all and the need to always strive to be more aligned with lovingkindness and equanimity.

Peace & blessings
7L

Aww, thanks for the love and kind words!