Dealing with my first heartbreak as an indigo child

[greenmxnz]

I’ve finally tried on the glass slipper that I’d been staring at for a while, and shocked myself when it didn’t fit. I’d be deceitful if I didn’t say that I doubted that it probably wouldn’t fit, but doubting is totally normal from my understanding. Yet, I knew that if it did, then everything in my life would change for the better, and I told myself that if it weren’t to fit I’d be alright. That’s a promise to myself I simply didn’t keep. Was I emotionally stable enough to keep that promise? The answer is probably no, so why did I even acknowledge the slipper? What was my reasoning for drooling over it’s diamond glow, or it’s enticing and ostentatious reflection? Secretly, it spoke caution to me, yet I still decided to proceed towards it. I felt my willingness to abandon everything I’ve known for the perfect fit of a glass slipper that would have given me exactly what was needed to fill this even emptier void that rests inside of me. So now that it doesn’t fit, I wonder, exactly who would it fit for? Was I unworthy of the chance to feel vanity, or was the experience too immediate? When will it make sense, or when will I feel as “alright” as I told myself I’d be? I should have tried to squeeze into it. If it would have been the fit for me, I would have become so elated. Now, I feel lost. I attempted to gain possession of something before I could even realize that maybe I, myself , didn’t deserve the slipper. That’s what’s the most painful realization. Maybe I just don’t deserve it. Who does? I pray that I move on, and refuse to force myself to find the slipper once more. Just one more time, because this pain has ran me numb. One more chance, and I promise I’ll keep my cool. But, what now? I’ve lost someone who I believed was a part of me, a slipper that I thought would fit. I dropped everything and moved with the individual at the age of 19, and three months later I’m 20 back home with almost nothing.

[dawn infinity]

Don't worry everything will work out I've been divorced for a yr my ex let me down. he is a alcoholic i stayed with him trying to help him but he the one that has to help himself , u just hav to keep on keeping on , realtionships can come &go in life we just have to deal with them the best we can u are a special person one day u will find love. sometimes its takes time but don't be hard on urself. i hope everything works out remember ur a special soul. that all that matters. hugs dawn