Completely disheartened after realization

[The Eternal Soul]

Originally Posted by BlueSkiez

Now that my last 3 exes let me learn what the signs of a narcissistic person are. I realized my supposed "twin flame" I was in love with for 5 years and 11 extra years attempting to move on, is a narcissist too. Only a narcissist would send a 10 point essay or whatever with the bullet points stating why they hate me, how much they dont want me around, in any way shape or form, for what? Theres wasnt a reason for that behavior besides NPd.

I feel at a loss now. I dont believe she is TF now, that I just spent 16 years of my life being in love with and holding what small amount of hope i had that they would come back to me someday.

My mom is one too, and that's probably why I picked up thwnpattern of selecting "bad " people to try a relationship with. Or people not meant for me.

It really sucks, and hurts in a new way I've never felt before

You really need to spend a lot of time pondering upon who "you" really are and what "you" want out of life. And part of this process is also about what you do NOT want. This includes partners you do NOT want, and what negative signs to look for in the types you do NOT want.

Personally, I hear this a lot and just don't get it, never did, never will. As the brainwashing of society never took hold on me. At a VERY early age I became very well grounded in who "I" really was and what "I" wanted out of life. And so the brainwashing of society that I HAD to be with a girl, not complete/successful unless you get married, have children, etc., had no effect upon me. As I see nothing, and hear nothing but dating/married people having the most miserable lives. Which just astounds me why on earth they stay together just because of this brainwashing of society. Staying together just to be with "someone", "anyone", rather than being alone.

And it THRILLS me no end that this brainwashing of society never took hold on me. As I dearly love being alone. I love the quiet. I get to do all the things I dearly love to do in life without someone else trying to prevent me from doing them, and instead doing everything THEY want to do instead, which I hate. And even better, NO endless mind games or psycho dramas in their relentlessly trying to make me comply with their demands. It hurts my very soul to be be in a relationship, I cannot understand why people subject themselves to such torture.

So I'm now old and have had an full rich lifetime, it pleases me no end to look back upon what a most wonderful, peaceful, life I've had and still have. And I own it all to having determined so very long ago on who "I" truly am and what "I" wanted out of life. And I don't think I could have had a better life because of that.

[lancing]

Hi BlueSkiez,

I’m really sorry for what you’ve experienced! You’re right, this type of **** really does suck. I completely empathize with what you’re feeling right now. So, I’m going to give you some words that I would give and have given to myself...

Recently, I experienced a painful breakup and for months, my ex sent me death threats and messages expressing her hate for me. I wouldn’t call her a narcissist because it’s not fair to diagnose people that way; however, she was someone in a lot of pain who experienced a lot of pain in her life. Unfortunately, that pain became mostly anger and she took that anger out on me. Of course, I wasn’t a perfect partner, so some of her ire stemmed from things that happened during our relationship; however my issues mistakes definitely didn’t warrant hatred. But
I mistakenly asked for humanity and to be seen as imperfect (and understood and forgiven for it) by someone who only seemed to see me as a perfect object. This was all shocking. It’s easy to believe in a relationship that there’s mutual love and respect and understanding...that’s not always the case. Such ill treatment can break you down, but you must be stronger. Feeling disillusioned and disheartened is perfectly understandable, but I don’t believe you have to be.

These people’s treatment of you, isn’t a reflection of you. It’s not a reflection of who you are, what you deserve or what you have to give. Your love and spirit cannot truly be sullied by anyone or anything. Love is a gift given freely to us and it’s a gift we can freely give. I don’t believe you wasted your time loving your “twin flame.” You loved unconditionally and that love was beautiful. Don’t allow your ego to convince you otherwise. You seem like a beautiful person, and beauty attracts all admirers, sweetie. So, don’t blame yourself for attracting these types of people. Just learn how to protect yourself from the damn narcissists and chronic “energy vampires.” I know it sucks and can be difficult, but the alternative of not being loved the way you deserve, is much worse!

I believe (as cheesy as it sounds to me) that love is abundant. And with abundance, recovery is infinite. You’ll always recover. Your life will always replenish...your cup overfloweth. No one and nothing can take away your beauty, your love, your life, your integrity etc. That person that feels and expresses so much hatred and anger towards you has some healing to do on their own. There’s no need to take it personally. The burden is not yours. Don’t allow someone to convince you it is. The strength of your heart and your spirit makes it impossible for them to penetrate your fortress, that’s why these “narcissists” are merely banging on the door.

Finally, embrace your pain, your sadness, your lack of awareness, etc. It’ll help you forgive yourself and forgive them. See yourself, take care of yourself and love yourself from a higher place, because continuing to allow these people to negatively affect you is dragging you down.

I wish you all the luck in the world, and I hope you connect with people who are positive, kind and truly loving.

[ONEsoul]

What is it your looking for? You seem really confused.....Maybe spend some more time trying to figure yourself out , before you endeavor to engage anyone else ......There is no judgement here Just speaking from experience. Rejection is NEVER easy. Especially from those whom we have given our heart to, and trusted , and believed they would never hurt us. Depending upon another to fulfuill some void within yourself, WILL ALWAYS LEAD to a feeling of rejection. The ask is impossible, and unfair to the other. Do some serious soul searching, where you value yourself enough, to be treated better xoxo

[~Lioness~]

I am hoping I will not ignore the red flags next time a narcissist tries to get close. I think I must have really bad luck to have my mother, and last 3 exes all be narcissistic. I mean, the last one was a little better, I think she is good at pretending to care, but you just know by their actions they dont.

I'm still struggling with the feelings of losing her.

Thanks for all the replies, I read all of them

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by BlueSkiez

I am hoping I will not ignore the red flags next time a narcissist tries to get close. I think I must have really bad luck to have my mother, and last 3 exes all be narcissistic. I mean, the last one was a little better, I think she is good at pretending to care, but you just know by their actions they dont.

I'm still struggling with the feelings of losing her.

Thanks for all the replies, I read all of them

Start telling a different story. If you keep regurgitating all that to-do about your mother and 3 exes you will keep that vibration that attracts negative people & experiences alive. It says to the Universe "Send me this!"
So tell a different story so that energy isn't active anymore. It is in the past. No need to keep regurgitating it over and over.
It is only a decision to stop that and to focus on what you now DO want. And start telling that story.

[~Lioness~]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Start telling a different story. If you keep regurgitating all that to-do about your mother and 3 exes you will keep that vibration that attracts negative people & experiences alive. It says to the Universe "Send me this!"
So tell a different story so that energy isn't active anymore. It is in the past. No need to keep regurgitating it over and over.
It is only a decision to stop that and to focus on what you now DO want. And start telling that story.

That is a good point. Thanks for the reminder. :)

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by BlueSkiez

That is a good point. Thanks for the reminder. :)

You're welcome. It really does work. Just make it a point to -before you get out of bed- think about what you want to focus on that day. What thoughts do you wish to have? Which thoughts do you no longer want to have? Then say "That is the old me!" and focus on the positive, the new you.
Doing that every day will train your brain to let you know each time you are thinking these old thoughts so you can refocus on the positive again.
You will notice that you will feel much better too!
Just keep doing that, and before you know it you will be a happy, positive person. You may slip occasionally, that's fine. As long as you are aware of this and keep this short. It's about the length of such a period, the speed with which you recover from it.
And this will go better and better if you keep doing it.