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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Soulmates & Twin Flames

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  #11  
Old 08-05-2016, 11:26 AM
Hibiscus Hibiscus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Somnia
First, I want to say there is nothing wrong for posting thoughts from an honest and genuine mind...Even if later down the line you reflect back on what you've posted and may have a new/different perspective on the thoughts you've posted, there is no shame in posting what you are feeling *in this moment* because what you are posting right now is authentic to you, here in the Now...

One thing I would like to stress is when it comes to pursuing potential romantic relationships, I believe it's wise to make a clean break with your current partner if there are existing problems within the relationship that can not be worked on, independent of external influences from other individuals...If you break up with someone for the primary reason of starting a new relationship with someone else, you may carry the same "baggage" with you into the new relationship and the cycle may repeat itself until you clear the "baggage" you hold within you...

Thanks for your reply :)

It took a few months after meeting with the tf (had to happen in its own time as you said) bit I really have made a clean break from this other person for the right reasons, not in hopes of getting back with the tf.

I'm not saying he wasn't a catalyst for an overdue change in the situation, but I was sure he was never going to speak to me again after that anyway. He disappeared for a while but maybe he was just giving me the time to see if I would do it on my own?

That's part of what makes this connection so different, he genuinely wants me to make these decisions for myself, possessiveness isn't a factor. And when he wasn't a relationship I never tried to manipulate the situation for the same reasons..
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  #12  
Old 08-05-2016, 11:46 AM
Hibiscus Hibiscus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alyanna
Nothing in your post indicates you being a terrible person Hibiscus.

I can relate in a different way... people in my circle do push me to enter a relationship, any relationship... in the year since TF left, I have gone out on dates with a number of guys and I have honestly tried to move on... and yes, I can agree that once you've seen 'that', everything else is coming short. For me, it's impossible.

It's amazing that you have come to the point when you can tell him that you want him in your life. For what it's worth, I only recently was able to tell him that we are 'twins' indeed without him prompting me. I keep thinking lately that I need to ask him to 'come back, please'... and despite all my progress this past year, I cannot seem to be able to do it.

Good luck! <3

Aww well at least you told him :) are you on speaking terms still?

In my case we live a couple states away so can't see each other super often, but the last time we were both single I honestly felt like he was testing me to see if I'll stay faithful (whatever that means in this context since there's never been an official commitment and he refused to talk about it).. this used to drive me crazy and I would do things just to get a reaction/make him jealous and ideally get some answers, but of course that always backfired..

So now things have come full circle and I've decided to just lay all my cards on the table, tell him how I feel and what I want, the next move is his...
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  #13  
Old 08-05-2016, 04:29 PM
curious_reader curious_reader is offline
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Join Date: May 2016
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I can relate Hibiscus. I just came out of a 16 year marriage because of my tf. I knew him before I got married but already met and recognized him about a year before I met my ex. He started talking to me more about a year into our marriage and it only progressed from there and we chatted everyday, sometimes all day. I said not one word to any advance by him when he did try. Sometimes he'd say "deny it, deny it" and I wouldn't even respond. I was so over whelmed with guilt over being with my then husband that I couldn't come to terms with it. I finally couldn't deal with the fact that I had feelings for my tf for all of those years, it never changed. My feelings only became stronger and I felt it was wrong to be in a marriage when I knew about my tf. The few years I didn't talk to him was because he left his marriage for another woman (this is after confirming with me that I was leaving my husband after my first attempt). He has now since left her and is living with me for "survival" because she apparently divorced him. However, it's completely not what you'd think. He says he was totally in love with her and he completely denies anything we had. He has been depressed a lot but he appears to be getting better. If you can believe it he has even called me delusional after quoting things he actually said to me (!).
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  #14  
Old 08-05-2016, 09:03 PM
selene selene is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibiscus
Aww well at least you told him :) are you on speaking terms still?

In my case we live a couple states away so can't see each other super often, but the last time we were both single I honestly felt like he was testing me to see if I'll stay faithful (whatever that means in this context since there's never been an official commitment and he refused to talk about it).. this used to drive me crazy and I would do things just to get a reaction/make him jealous and ideally get some answers, but of course that always backfired..

So now things have come full circle and I've decided to just lay all my cards on the table, tell him how I feel and what I want, the next move is his...

it is funny when trying to make the other party jealous always backfires, no? I have been tempted to do this with twin (I used to employ the strategy unsuccessfully in the past with a karmic ex), but really... the man (TF) feels even the slightest effort of mine to move on without me saying something -or so it seems to me.

Anyhow, yes, we are still on speaking terms (and still single) but like you, we live far away. Unfortunately, we do not talk that often and we live even further away than just a couple of states between us :(... also, he calls us twins and I usually ignore it... this time, I used it myself and he ignored it, haha :). It seems void of any romantic elements at this point, though for both of us.

Again, I wish all the best for you :)
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  #15  
Old 08-05-2016, 09:05 PM
wolfgaze wolfgaze is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curious_reader
I can relate Hibiscus. I just came out of a 16 year marriage because of my tf. I knew him before I got married but already met and recognized him about a year before I met my ex. He started talking to me more about a year into our marriage and it only progressed from there and we chatted everyday, sometimes all day. I said not one word to any advance by him when he did try. Sometimes he'd say "deny it, deny it" and I wouldn't even respond. I was so over whelmed with guilt over being with my then husband that I couldn't come to terms with it. I finally couldn't deal with the fact that I had feelings for my tf for all of those years, it never changed. My feelings only became stronger and I felt it was wrong to be in a marriage when I knew about my tf. The few years I didn't talk to him was because he left his marriage for another woman (this is after confirming with me that I was leaving my husband after my first attempt). He has now since left her and is living with me for "survival" because she apparently divorced him. However, it's completely not what you'd think. He says he was totally in love with her and he completely denies anything we had. He has been depressed a lot but he appears to be getting better. If you can believe it he has even called me delusional after quoting things he actually said to me (!).

Welcome to the forum Curious Reader : )
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  #16  
Old 09-05-2016, 04:05 AM
curious_reader curious_reader is offline
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Thank you wolfgaze
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  #17  
Old 09-05-2016, 07:10 AM
Hibiscus Hibiscus is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 90
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by curious_reader
I can relate Hibiscus. I just came out of a 16 year marriage because of my tf. I knew him before I got married but already met and recognized him about a year before I met my ex. He started talking to me more about a year into our marriage and it only progressed from there and we chatted everyday, sometimes all day. I said not one word to any advance by him when he did try. Sometimes he'd say "deny it, deny it" and I wouldn't even respond. I was so over whelmed with guilt over being with my then husband that I couldn't come to terms with it. I finally couldn't deal with the fact that I had feelings for my tf for all of those years, it never changed. My feelings only became stronger and I felt it was wrong to be in a marriage when I knew about my tf. The few years I didn't talk to him was because he left his marriage for another woman (this is after confirming with me that I was leaving my husband after my first attempt). He has now since left her and is living with me for "survival" because she apparently divorced him. However, it's completely not what you'd think. He says he was totally in love with her and he completely denies anything we had. He has been depressed a lot but he appears to be getting better. If you can believe it he has even called me delusional after quoting things he actually said to me (!).

I'm sorry to hear about this curious reader... I know all situations are complex and there's no easy way to summarize things in an online post, but I do think you deserve better.. I understand not wanting to be dishonest with your husband (and therefore leaving the relationship), but if this guy you're with now is lying to you and himself, maybe it's best to let him go until he figures things out?
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  #18  
Old 09-05-2016, 07:15 AM
Hibiscus Hibiscus is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alyanna
it is funny when trying to make the other party jealous always backfires, no? I have been tempted to do this with twin (I used to employ the strategy unsuccessfully in the past with a karmic ex), but really... the man (TF) feels even the slightest effort of mine to move on without me saying something -or so it seems to me.

Anyhow, yes, we are still on speaking terms (and still single) but like you, we live far away. Unfortunately, we do not talk that often and we live even further away than just a couple of states between us :(... also, he calls us twins and I usually ignore it... this time, I used it myself and he ignored it, haha :). It seems void of any romantic elements at this point, though for both of us.

Again, I wish all the best for you :)

Yes, it was immaturity on my part and I regretted it deeply.

Ugh long distance situations are so difficult.. That is sweet though, that he calls you twins :)

That word has never come up between us but he did say something along the lines of 'isn't it weird how we're basically the same person".. and at some point I straight up told him I feel like our souls are connected.. to which he did not reply lol
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  #19  
Old 09-05-2016, 12:12 PM
curious_reader curious_reader is offline
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Join Date: May 2016
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibiscus
I'm sorry to hear about this curious reader... I know all situations are complex and there's no easy way to summarize things in an online post, but I do think you deserve better.. I understand not wanting to be dishonest with your husband (and therefore leaving the relationship), but if this guy you're with now is lying to you and himself, maybe it's best to let him go until he figures things out?

That's exactly what I've decided to do. I have decided that it's not worth investing my feelings right now so I've encouraged him to find work elsewhere nearer to his children and I feel he would be happier (it's a long story as he left another country and came back). He is still staying here but I no longer feel the attachment I once did. He has stated that he has to work things out for himself, so I definitely agree with you Hibiscus.
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