I have no idea how to live a life

Seriously, I just copied since i was a kid what everyone did.
I didn't understand a bunch of things we do here. I always just wanted to have fun, as i am a huge dreamer, its kinda a blockage for me to live a normal life, you know
I dream my life away, I am scared, no one never exactly taught me how to live life, altho I would have wanted.

Sometimes I don't feel connected to my physical body, I am recovering from my eating disorder, starved myself until I collapsed, now i am healthier, but these thoughts and voices that i shouldn't eat still haunt me.
Sometimes I feel like I hold a lot of past pain in me, my parents divorce, my brother's death etc, this all left me to self-harm, cause I felt that I was rejected, I rejected myself, I felt like my body was on the way, I just wanted to be skinner and skinner... at that time I really like one guy and i had a huge crush on him and stuff, thought he liked skinny girls, well, i got too skinny, almost went it to the hospital, now i am recovering, my parents are still divorced, i pray for my brother and crush is gone.
well, thats pretty much my life.

I am scared. I have terrible relationship with my mom, no contact with my dad, sooner or later i have no place to stay and i am scared
i have a job, i guess i should be thankful, right?

thanks
xoxo

[BlueSky]

Hi Star Nancy,
It sounds like life has been tough for you. I'm sorry.
My advice on how to live your life would be to just deal with each and every step of it as it comes and in accordance to what you feel and think is best. Ask for help as things come up if you need it. This is a good place for that if you have no one to help you .
One step at a time and you will come out on top for sure. It's the best we all can do.
Life can be fantastic.
Peace and love, James

[ocean breeze]

i think you should focus more on your own personal problems than the question of "how to live a life?" there is no guide to "how to live life" we just do. if anything a better question would be "how do i want to life my life?" or "what do i want to do with my life?'' but before you can do that perhaps its better to deal with your own problems that are eating you up inside. otherwise your problems will just get in the way.

[Shekinah]

To live a life is a learning experience how to best live. Your fears are not unique especially in these troubled uncertain times. We seem to be thrust into this deadly serious game of life without a full deck of cards and are expected to make no mistakes. The best we can do is try to make wise decisions and plan for a future. Target a career not a job and acquire all the higher education you are capable of hopefully in an area of interest. One bad decision can surely pull the plug on a good life so be very careful.

Originally Posted by ocean breeze

i think you should focus more on your own personal problems than the question of "how to live a life?" there is no guide to "how to live life" we just do. if anything a better question would be "how do i want to life my life?" or "what do i want to do with my life?'' but before you can do that perhaps its better to deal with your own problems that are eating you up inside. otherwise your problems will just get in the way.

Dealing with my own problems? I think I am dealing with them. It is my life.

I often feel like I am trapped in my body. Don't know how to use it properly.
My life is like a black & white movie and everything is so drastic.

I am scared, bc I have no idea how to deal with my issues. I need to go to a therapist who could help me to heal my eating disorder. Than I have to forgive my parents that they didn't get along and then I have to let my brother go.

I don't eat, I don't sleep, I don't want to talk with anyone.
I have always wished that things would be easier.
I think i am hate myself. Its such a powerful force, like my own hands wants to choke me to death.
I keep asking myself why I am here? what brought me here? I have so much potential but eating disorder eats me alive.

I just want to feel loved as I am. I am tired of being someone else. I am just so tired being the person everyone wants me to see, when I feel that i am fake.
I think I hate myself. My mom don't like me, most of the patients who suffer eating disorder it is because of their controlling mother, my father left me, altho he wanted to come back, my mom didn't give her any chance and my brother is dead.

Sometimes I wish that I could just go away..to where I have no problems, no concerns.

I was very straightforward and ambitious once, now I am just letting it all go...I just know that things could change so quickly...that I shouldn't make any plans, my thoughts change, my feelings change, everything is constantly changing.

[Eyeland]

Originally Posted by --Star-Nancy--

I often feel like I am trapped in my body. Don't know how to use it properly.
My life is like a black & white movie and everything is so drastic.

I am scared, bc I have no idea how to deal with my issues. I need to go to a therapist who could help me to heal my eating disorder. Than I have to forgive my parents that they didn't get along and then I have to let my brother go.

I don't eat, I don't sleep, I don't want to talk with anyone.
I have always wished that things would be easier.
I think i am hate myself. Its such a powerful force, like my own hands wants to choke me to death.
I keep asking myself why I am here? what brought me here? I have so much potential but eating disorder eats me alive.

I just want to feel loved as I am. I am tired of being someone else. I am just so tired being the person everyone wants me to see, when I feel that i am fake.
I think I hate myself. My mom don't like me, most of the patients who suffer eating disorder it is because of their controlling mother, my father left me, altho he wanted to come back, my mom didn't give her any chance and my brother is dead.

Sometimes I wish that I could just go away..to where I have no problems, no concerns.

I was very straightforward and ambitious once, now I am just letting it all go...I just know that things could change so quickly...that I shouldn't make any plans, my thoughts change, my feelings change, everything is constantly changing.

I feel exactly like you do. Every word is like i wrote them myself. I too look for a solution but it's not easy, and advice from people that haven't gone through the same is practically worhtless, they cannot fully understand. And you know what ? I think this longing for another life is just the spiritual soul seeking evolution. Not being so ambitious anymore is not necessarily a bad thing but it must be balanced, to be humble and realize financial success doesnt mean a meaningful life is good, but total negativity is bad. Not wanting to talk to people...sad truth is many out there are selfish, shallow people, so interacting with them is a waste of time. But becoming ahermit is not balanced, because we miss the opportunity to meet the good people that too exist out there. Everything can be an opportunity to evolve, release the old self and move on to better places...sometimes the Universe has weird ways to put us on the right path for our soul. Something good can come from the direst of situations, and pain is often what makes us move away from harm or warns us something's wrong.
Enough rambling lol..if you ever find the way Home, let me know friend...

[ocean breeze]

Originally Posted by --Star-Nancy--

Dealing with my own problems? I think I am dealing with them. It is my life.

you sure???:

I am scared, bc I have no idea how to deal with my issues.

i agree with what you mentioned above. i think a therapist would be the wisest choice.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Originally Posted by --Star-Nancy--

Seriously, I just copied since i was a kid what everyone did.
I didn't understand a bunch of things we do here. I always just wanted to have fun, as i am a huge dreamer, its kinda a blockage for me to live a normal life, you know
I dream my life away, I am scared, no one never exactly taught me how to live life, altho I would have wanted.

Sometimes I don't feel connected to my physical body, I am recovering from my eating disorder, starved myself until I collapsed, now i am healthier, but these thoughts and voices that i shouldn't eat still haunt me.
Sometimes I feel like I hold a lot of past pain in me, my parents divorce, my brother's death etc, this all left me to self-harm, cause I felt that I was rejected, I rejected myself, I felt like my body was on the way, I just wanted to be skinner and skinner... at that time I really like one guy and i had a huge crush on him and stuff, thought he liked skinny girls, well, i got too skinny, almost went it to the hospital, now i am recovering, my parents are still divorced, i pray for my brother and crush is gone.
well, thats pretty much my life.

I am scared. I have terrible relationship with my mom, no contact with my dad, sooner or later i have no place to stay and i am scared
i have a job, i guess i should be thankful, right?

thanks
xoxo

living properly is a skill that can be learned.
you have all the tools needed.
the guide(s) that you need are found within you, not on the outside.
i might tell you how to walk, but it is your inner sense of balance that will keep you from falling down.
keys:
1) "I always just wanted to have fun" ~ perfect! let this joyful child within you steer you towards your continuing happiness.
2) as an adult, you must accept responsibility. you are responsible for yourself. accept this. trust yourself.
3) dreams are great! you are under no obligation to conform to "normalcy".
4) it can be amazing to become "disconnected" to the limitations of the body.
5) it is important to be able to recognise body as self. manifestation in physical form is a wondrous opportunity for spirit-beings!
6) [my opinion] external, judgemental "voices" have become internalized by you. you were not plagued by these tormentors from the outset,
they have become incorporated by you through your desires to please others. do not heed these hateful spirits, pay them no attention whatsoever; don't feed the trolls.
7) fear is without foundation. there is no cause, there is no effect.
8) on relationships: first, get your relationship with yourself straight. you are responsible for your health and well-being. when you are properly focused on maintaining your own health, you can form healthy relationships with others. until you are 100% committed to your own well-being, you are likely to form unhealthy relationships with others.
9) an attitude of gratitude is a fantastic place to start; everyday.

i hope these ideas help

Originally Posted by --Star-Nancy--

I often feel like I am trapped in my body. Don't know how to use it properly.
My life is like a black & white movie and everything is so drastic.

I am scared, bc I have no idea how to deal with my issues. I need to go to a therapist who could help me to heal my eating disorder. Than I have to forgive my parents that they didn't get along and then I have to let my brother go.

I don't eat, I don't sleep, I don't want to talk with anyone.
I have always wished that things would be easier.
I think i am hate myself. Its such a powerful force, like my own hands wants to choke me to death.
I keep asking myself why I am here? what brought me here? I have so much potential but eating disorder eats me alive.

I just want to feel loved as I am. I am tired of being someone else. I am just so tired being the person everyone wants me to see, when I feel that i am fake.
I think I hate myself. My mom don't like me, most of the patients who suffer eating disorder it is because of their controlling mother, my father left me, altho he wanted to come back, my mom didn't give her any chance and my brother is dead.

Sometimes I wish that I could just go away..to where I have no problems, no concerns.

I was very straightforward and ambitious once, now I am just letting it all go...I just know that things could change so quickly...that I shouldn't make any plans, my thoughts change, my feelings change, everything is constantly changing.

I understand.

Are you doing any physical activities? - I suffered too. I always have had really high expectations of myself. That is who I am. To achieve.

I dont know about you,however I kept thinking about the same thing and that was in a way like poisoning myself. I read so many self-help books and etc, nothing help till my spiritual awakening started...

I could recommend you some things if you like. If the "adult you" was looking the "child you", would you treat her like that? Telling the "child you" that you a piece of **** and misstake to be born?

I hope the above questions make you think a bit. The "adult you", looking down on the "child you", needs to explain things to her. The child you does not understand everything so you will have to explain her the concept worth and love.

It will take you sometime to change the bottom pillar however it will be worth it.

I think you should consider joining yoga classes. It will help you develop mental strength and stabilize your body. Mental strength is easy once you get into yoga.


There is Bikram yoga which might help you with your eating disorders and such. Bikram yoga is basically doing poses in a 38-40 degrees warm room. It is very healthy.

You could look at taking boxing classes as it quickly helps with mental strength too.

Another thing I recommend you is to have a look at this book for self-esteem:http://www.amazon.com/The-Self-Estee.../dp/1572242523

I really recommend it. Let me know if you need help with it, I could help you find it quickly.