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Originally Posted by heartbeats
I'm confused as to whether to give this man a chance that has shown up into my life a second time. I have doubts because only a few months ago when we briefly dated, he did something sexual towards me on one of the dates that upset me and made me feel disrespected, so I told him we weren't right for each other. He also had two other attributes about his life that I did not like so I felt we weren't a match.
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Not respecting your sexual boundaries--or assuming that you even have them in the first place--is a huge red flag, IMO. That would have ended it for me. That's not just a "having a bad day" thing.
Are the other objectionable attributes still in effect? If so, why are they acceptable now?
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I decided to give it a try and ended up having a great date with him and liking him a lot. But he hasn't asked me out on a date since then and texts me here and there, I cannot tell how strongly he feels about me and cannot read him at all.
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Here's one thing I've learned from experience: If a man is genuinely interested in you, you won't have to sit around trying to figure it out. He'll
act interested. Men don't do the same covert, hint-dropping, indirect stuff women tend to do; even the shy or quiet ones will make it clear that they want to be with you.
And when I hear women say, "I can't read him at all," it's because they don't like what they're already reading, and want it to mean something else, so they ascribe complicated, mysterious motives to a man who is clearly communicating lack of interest.
This guy's keeping you on the hook (with the occasional texts) but he's not interested in you. If he was, he would have been making next-date plans by the time the first date ended, and you'd be hearing from him consistently. I've seen this a lot--some men will keep a woman they don't really care about, but who they know is interested in them, on standby--just in case they end up dateless, or think they can get a booty call out of her. And since you agreed to go out with him again even after he previously disrespected your sexual boundaries, he'll probably make an attempt at the latter. So when you get that call, where he's so friendly all of a sudden, and missed you, and wants to see you? Uh huh. Right.
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I don't know whether I should see him again now. I have doubts and fears that started creeping into my vibration since we had our date.
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You do know that this isn't the only guy out there, right? So why get so hung up on him, especially when he's giving no indications of real interest in you?
Throw him back! There's somebody far better out there, who is looking for you, who will love you and want to be with you.
That's the guy you want, even if you don't know who he is, yet. This current guy is showing you what you don't want--disrespect and indifference--so you can strengthen your commitment to getting what you do.
The "place of love" you need to stay in is for yourself, and your dreams, and your vision of the relationship you want--not for this guy. You can't change his indifference; the only thing you can change is your reaction to it.
So rather than get stuck in overanalyzing his behavior and intentions, or trying to read deeper meaning into things than is actually there, the best course of action is to say, "I know what I want, and this isn't it. So I'm going to let go of this in order to be fully open to what I
do want and allow it to come into my life." Because Mr. Right could be standing right in front of you, but if you're still preoccupied with figuring out why Mr. Wrong isn't giving you what you want, you won't even see him.
You get what you focus on. If you want a loving partner, quit focusing on the guy who shows no interest in being that.
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How do I know if I attracted the right partner??
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You like him; he likes you back. And you have no question as to whether he likes you back because
he acts like it. Talk is cheap--does he follow through with behavior? That's the "sign" you're looking for.
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