I am so confused, what is a form of cheating in a relationship?

[cdoliveira]

If it feels like cheating for you, it probably is. Don't lie to yourself and don't stay in a relationship if you are not 100%. We accept the love we think we deserve. Good luck :)

[Parma]

A traditional relationship is emotional and physical and should only include you and your partner. If the relationship is not traditional the two of you should have discussed the rules beforehand.

[wstein]

Originally Posted by jimrich

Basically, cheating is keeping dirty little or big secrets from one's partner and HOPING they never find out!

Failing to tell your partner that those pants DO make them look fat is NOT cheating.

[12 counsellors]

Thank you everyone for your advice. We went to see a relationship counsellor, and there is still so much I need to
think and process here, We have been together for over 15 years so this wont be easy for me.
My partner has a sex addiction on an emotional scale but not on a physical one. Honestly, I wasnt even aware of this. This is why I feel like a fool. Would sexting and sending explicit pictures to other men my partner hasnt met but keeps an emotional connection with, be a form of cheating? In my opinion it is, but if it is an addiction, I am not sure now! I am guttered, because I wasnt even aware of this and it had been going on for years.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by 12 counsellors

Thank you everyone for your advice. We went to see a relationship counsellor, and there is still so much I need to
think and process here, We have been together for over 15 years so this wont be easy for me.

Hopefully the counselor is good - some are and some are NOT.

This is why I feel like a fool. Would sexting and sending explicit pictures to other men my partner hasnt met but keeps an emotional connection with, be a form of cheating?

Yes, but the point is, does it hurt - YOU? If you are being hurt, that is the issue. If not, there is no problem there. Cheating is actually about pain - pain being caused by the behavior of one's partner and I would no longer tolerate being hurt by my partner.... addiction or not!

In my opinion it is, but if it is an addiction, I am not sure now! I am guttered, because I wasn't even aware of this and it had been going on for years.

If it HURTS, something needs to be done! Ask the counselor about some solutions. Calling this an "addiction" is not going to take away the PAIN and the CHEATING!

[12 counsellors]

Thank you JimRich. I appreciate your advice. Yes it does hurt me. I will ask the counsellor for some solutions, thank you.

[jimrich]

Our mother PUT UP WITH being constantly HURT by our dad for many, many years until she finally decided that she deserved better treatment so she began to stand up for her self. Oddly though, it never bothered her that her husband frequently HURT her 3 children! As for him, it only HURT him that his pathetic wife and kids couldn't or wouldn't TAKE IT!

[12 counsellors]

Gosh Jimrich! That must have been hard for you guys growing up and living it.

[Holly]

Originally Posted by 12 counsellors

Thank you everyone for your advice. We went to see a relationship counsellor, and there is still so much I need to
think and process here, We have been together for over 15 years so this wont be easy for me.
My partner has a sex addiction on an emotional scale but not on a physical one. Honestly, I wasnt even aware of this. This is why I feel like a fool. Would sexting and sending explicit pictures to other men my partner hasnt met but keeps an emotional connection with, be a form of cheating? In my opinion it is, but if it is an addiction, I am not sure now! I am guttered, because I wasnt even aware of this and it had been going on for years.

An addiction is really a form of illness, even if it has no chemical cause (though I'd argue that sex addicts are addicted to dopamine) but I would still feel this was cheating in your shoes, yes. Not because of the images but because of the betrayal of trust, but I think I'd have to take into account the illness and how much control my partner really had over their motivations and actions, which would vary between individuals.

Lying to you, regardless, isn't OK. Why do you feel like a fool? People go to great lengths to disguise behaviours their ashamed of, even from those they're closest to. You can't be blamed for that and I don't think it makes you a fool. It makes you trusting, which is a good thing for you. It's good for your future, it means you can form close bonds, it means you're secure as a person. It mkes you good "relationship material." It's a shame your partner has taken advantage of that trust.

I know what my reaction would be but I'm not you I'd forgive the addiction but resent the betrayal, and pull away physically and emotionally until the mental illness was treated. Some people can't do that. It's going to be very personal to you.

I just felt compelled to tell you you're not a fool More like a victim of someone elses lack of respect for you.

[Delsol]

Is this a woman sexting strange men?

What is her explanation? Some women want, maybe even need, adoration and attention. Romance. If their partner isn't giving them such (which let's face it, no partner can give 24/7 for decades, non-stop) they might seek it elsewhere - simply for feminine validation, or out of a certain emotional immaturity. Sexting may seem like a good compromise to them, because they can keep their stable partner and love them, while at the same time maintain their 'goddess' womanhood and sexual power by accepting the attentions of other men in a non-physical way. There is an endless stream of lonely, romantic men willing to chat up a receptive, maybe even lonely lady - without it ever going further. Heady stuff, especially for a woman with low self-esteem. We all want to feel desired! All this doesn't make it 'right', but comprehension goes a long way.

If I were you, I would focus less on the 'what is cheating and how could they do this to me' aspect, and more on 'who is my partner, really, and what do they want from life?' On the heels of that is who are you, and what do you really want and why? If you two can dig into that together, help each other out - perhaps there is hope for deepening your ongoing relationship and friendship through this shocking revelation. Not everyone who 'cheats' is a jerk automatically. It is more complicated. Talk, talk, talk - and make love more! Ha ha.

Please forgive me if the above sounds flippant. I did not address addictions and such, which is a deeper matter - but even then, there may be room for growth. Fifteen years is a long time. This could be a challenge, or it could be the end if you are truly tied to an abusive person with psychological issues you are not meant to heal for them; especially if it triggers your own. A lot depends on attitudes, and who you each REALLY are. If your partner is otherwise loving, a good friend with qualities, and this indiscretion did not impact your daily life together - try. Best wishes. I am no expert.