The passing of my Patriarch

[DoubleM]

Hi,
In January 2016 my dad departed. He and I were very close, closer than close. He was my mentor, my friend, my guide, my teacher, my support system. We had a connection that many (including siblings) were jealous of and tried to destroy, even, to no avail. He would know how I'm feeling from a distance.
My dad was 85 and cancer finally took him after a 1.5 year battle. The grief was immense, even though I knew it was coming, even though he was elderly. I lost a part of myself when he left. I've lost other people before, my mom, a very close grandma, a very close friend.. but none hit so powerfully as this. Even though I know there is more after, and that death is a part of the cycle and is only another phase in the journey. I know this, yet... my heart broke.

I worked through the grief by painting. I painted around 30 paintings in ways I'd never done before, I felt he was coaching me, (he'd taught me everything about painting) and it was very therapeutic. I felt connected to him. That ended on the anniversary of his passing, and I've been dry ever since. I've not been able to paint or draw, since. It bothers me but I know dry spells happen.

He was a non believer, it was the one thing we didn't talk about, because he was passionate about his opinions and so am I, and we disagreed on that.
He believed that once you're dead, that's it, there's nothing else.
I have had paranormal experiences since I was 14, so I know there is something else.

Since his passing, I've only dreamt of him once, he was beaming with joy and vibrant with light. It was beautiful. Since his passing also, I find dimes, a lot. Random places, too often to be normal. I've read that can be a manifestation. My dad was a penny pincher, and he disliked my non-penny pinching ways. I can't help but feel like the dimes are him telling me to watch my spending...

He loved history, was passionate about art and archeology, among other things, we shared an interest with Mayan and Inca civilizations. I'll be in the Mayan temples in 3 weeks and plan to bring some of his ashes to the ocean beach where one of the temple sits. I think he'd like that.

anyway, this was my share on the subject.

[mamahawk]

It's nice to hear about such a close parent-child relationship; aspirations for my connection with my own son as he gets older.

I find it very interesting that a painter would be so adamant about the end being the end, but of course this is based off my own experiences with the few real artists I've known in my life.

I wish you safe travels and an... inspirational trip I hope :)

Thank you for sharing