Empath feeling defeated

Lucky · #1 21-03-2017, 03:53 PM

Hi all. I've come to know I'm an empath over the last 2 years and am slowly awakening. It's been a tough journey, as it is for all empaths I'm sure. I spent most of the past 2 years out of work and pretty often crippled by anxiety. I have found some tools to help, such as crystals, some meditating, and reiki...which lead me to learn reiki level one. I have been really trying hard to find focus and take time for myself so that I can once again become a contributing member of society, or more importantly discover my life path and true passion. So far I'm leaning towards reiki and helping others, maybe like a spiritual coach too.

However, it seems the higher I raise my vibration and the more I try to focus on caring for myself, the more people seem to need me and try to bring me down. I'm speaking mainly of family here, so it's not as easy to walk away. Specifically, this is not a circumstance where people are acting spiteful or jealous of me...it's more like anything that could go wrong with those in my life has, and they all come to me for guidance like I'm a beacon of light. What's going on here, is the universe testing me??? I NEED to make myself better before I can help others!! Just when I thought I knew how to ground and shield something comes up and gets the best of me leaving me drained and wanting to crawl back into a hole.

Needing some support here. Thanks in advance!

Akc1213 · #2 23-03-2017, 03:22 AM

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. What types of things are you being asked by your family? Is it mainly advice? Or is it that they call on you whenever things go wrong- to run errands for them, care for them etc... Have you tried to create boundaries? I know learning to say "No" to someone who needs you is practically impossible for someone like you- but maybe try making time for yourself everyday- for example- make a mental schedule, or write it down- with daily tasks, and make one of those tasks, time for yourself. To read, to workout, to meditate, whatever it is you like. Don't agree to do anything else for anyone during that time. I am working on this as well- This has somewhat helped me. Please don't crawl into a hole! :- ) They love and respect you- and although it is a pain in the butt- it is also a blessing :- )

Lucky · #3 23-03-2017, 12:24 PM

Thanks Akc...This actually all came to a head over the past two days. Two days ago I was feeling sympathy pains for my dad who went into the hospital. Nothing new really, he has MS and seems to go in the hospital twice a year. Of course, I was the one to handle phone calls regarding his condition mostly, as my mom has pretty much given up. I tried like hell to get on with my day but got nothing accomplished, just kind of frozen. Yesterday I woke up at 5:30 am sobbing and crying, which continued for an hour. I never cry!!! I guess I needed to finally release it all. I spent the rest of the day feeling like I was in a dark hole. This is so unlike me because usually I keep my composure no matter what, being strong for everyone else. But it finally caught up to me. I was supposed to have my family over for dinner but had to cancel and tell them how I felt. I got their support, but more importantly my mini meltdown let them know that I, too can only take so much. Feeling better today and stronger. Now if only I can learn to speak what's on my mind and set boundaries daily instead of trying to save everyone's world...I think it would be much healthier for me. I'm aiming to get back on track today and back at the gym since I missed two weeks...summer is coming!
Thanks for your reply!

Myvie · #4 23-03-2017, 01:29 PM

I still am skeptical of the empath thing but have recently been straight up cornered by a couple people, one a psychic medium who does classes on empaths and how to cope, and one who is a reiki practitioner among other things, and I was told I'm an empath and badly need to learn shielding exercises. I was taught a couple things and told to carry black tourmaline. Turns out there are lots of those exercises on google and you can find ones that suit your style and such best. I didn't end up using some of the things I was taught because I found better things for myself online.

I also went from being really good for a while and all full of love and light and blah blah to downright ruined by anxiety and dark thoughts and those two people both told me that seems to be happening to a lot of people lately and that it has to do with politics and social issues a great deal that are coming to a head and the progress that humanity needs to make, and that it's largely about symptoms that we need to pay attention to, societal sickness that it's time up for, time to deal with. I don't fully know what this is all about but trying to paraphrase what I was told is all, & don't claim to be 100% certain that this is the case but it is interesting. Basically people who are empaths are feeling that hard emotionally and mentally the last year and some, and that most of them also are experiencing new health issues. Stuff they've never been prone to before. Rashes and getting sick easier with bugs and headaches and unexplained vomiting and just stuff that doesn't even get diagnosed and mysteriously vanishes and then just when you think you're good the next nonsense physical stuff attacks again. Again, just sharing what I was ambushed with and told, in case it's of interest. Still deciding what I believe personally.

slowsnake · #5 29-03-2017, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucky

Hi all. I've come to know I'm an empath over the last 2 years and am slowly awakening. It's been a tough journey, as it is for all empaths I'm sure. I spent most of the past 2 years out of work and pretty often crippled by anxiety. I have found some tools to help, such as crystals, some meditating, and reiki...which lead me to learn reiki level one. I have been really trying hard to find focus and take time for myself so that I can once again become a contributing member of society, or more importantly discover my life path and true passion. So far I'm leaning towards reiki and helping others, maybe like a spiritual coach too.

However, it seems the higher I raise my vibration and the more I try to focus on caring for myself, the more people seem to need me and try to bring me down. I'm speaking mainly of family here, so it's not as easy to walk away. Specifically, this is not a circumstance where people are acting spiteful or jealous of me...it's more like anything that could go wrong with those in my life has, and they all come to me for guidance like I'm a beacon of light. What's going on here, is the universe testing me??? I NEED to make myself better before I can help others!! Just when I thought I knew how to ground and shield something comes up and gets the best of me leaving me drained and wanting to crawl back into a hole.

Needing some support here. Thanks in advance!

Hello Lucky,
You must learn when empathy starts and when it turns into being used,
I was born an empath,all empaths are,you cannot learn empathy its in your blood,your spirit is imbued with empathy before birth.

But sometimes you have to say no!,it's hard but you have to learn that, to say no! without your physical and mental strength you start to struggle,maybe you start to loose faith in life.
And when you say come to you like a beacon it's because you are.
You have made yourself a magnet for all the poor,sick and helpless folk,they know what you are,how to get what they want from you and just don't care,nobody cares anymore,about anything,that's why forums like this are popping up everywhere,most folk just want a bit of peace and quiet,others,well others don't even care about themselves so they find someone who does!
That's you mate!
Good Luck Billy…

Lucky · #6 29-03-2017, 12:11 PM

Thanks, this makes perfect sense. It also helps to know I'm not alone! Hmm...come to think of it, I don't have anyone in my life who DOESN'T need me! I've been thinking about moving alone to a secluded island!

Rozie · #7 29-03-2017, 07:05 PM

I think you are being tested and you learn through experience.

Being empathic does not mean you have to be nice and loving and take on everybody elses feelings. You need to sense what they need.

Really you need to detach and be objective. If you are working with someone you need to be what they need you to be. Sometimes you have to be firm and set your own boundaries. You aren't there to enable people. Your purpose is the help them help themselves. You aren't the servant.

People need to do their own work. You can't do it for them, but you can help in ways. Don't enable and don't be co-dependent.

It is hard to be detached when it is your family but there is the work and there is your personal relationships and they shouldn't overlap too much.

Learning to compartmentalize might help. You have to protect yourself first. You are number one. Then you can work with others. The empathy is important to know what is going on and how you can help. It isn't useful if it makes you unhappy and there is no benefit. You can block it if you have to.

Lucky · #8 29-03-2017, 08:14 PM

Thanks Rozie, this is great advice. I know it but still need to hear it and learn to live it!! I'm not to the point of wanting to block it, I'd rather learn to be a responsible empath in order to protect myself...not shut it off.

naturesflow · #9 30-03-2017, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucky

Hi all. I've come to know I'm an empath over the last 2 years and am slowly awakening. It's been a tough journey, as it is for all empaths I'm sure. I spent most of the past 2 years out of work and pretty often crippled by anxiety. I have found some tools to help, such as crystals, some meditating, and reiki...which lead me to learn reiki level one. I have been really trying hard to find focus and take time for myself so that I can once again become a contributing member of society, or more importantly discover my life path and true passion. So far I'm leaning towards reiki and helping others, maybe like a spiritual coach too.

However, it seems the higher I raise my vibration and the more I try to focus on caring for myself, the more people seem to need me and try to bring me down. I'm speaking mainly of family here, so it's not as easy to walk away. Specifically, this is not a circumstance where people are acting spiteful or jealous of me...it's more like anything that could go wrong with those in my life has, and they all come to me for guidance like I'm a beacon of light. What's going on here, is the universe testing me??? I NEED to make myself better before I can help others!! Just when I thought I knew how to ground and shield something comes up and gets the best of me leaving me drained and wanting to crawl back into a hole.

Needing some support here. Thanks in advance!

\

First and foremost this journey is about you. The external world is showing you their needs and coming to you, but the your priority of self first has to take a stand in the face of that and let go. Learning balance is the part of being in touch with your true nature/true essence. So when energetic shielding becomes more real to get more real about your own balance and the needs of others.

Boundaries are important in everyway of this journey. Speaking those boundaries is important to your own real life experience. When we are not clear as empaths, it is so easy to take on and drain. So its important to learn balance and self care, fitting all things in the order they can be managed.

I am a clear empath who has worked very hard on myself to build clarity of being, so not much sticks and stays in me now. Its a conscious way of living more in balance of needs all around. You cant fix and give to everyone when you not clear to manage others.

It is so important to tend to your own self care and journey first and foremost.

If you tank is empty there is nothing to give outwardly to others. So what comes into your empty tank creates more drain. Fill your tank first and be aware of the nature of your support. WE don't have to help everyone, we can be supportive without giving away too much. That too requires a discernment of "what you can give". I am a natural giver, but some deeper growth taught me the art of balance, so now my natural living space models this and people don't inundate my space. My balance sends the message when I am available for support and when I am not naturally.

Make and create space that is yours for you. Find ways to nurture and take care of you. Signal your own self care to others, and set clear boundaries. "I cant do this today, I need to take care of myself, I feel drained and need to fill my tank" These are clear boundaries.

Lucky · #10 30-03-2017, 06:43 PM

Thank you so much natures flow! More great advice. I know I am closer now to achieving this balance since I've set boundaries. Interestingly, the past few days have brought more joyful experiences and my attitude is happier. Like you mentioned about the tank, I'm starting to realize if I have a tank full of everyone else's junk, how could I possibly fit anything positive for me in there? By letting go of harping on everyone else's needs, I've allowed this positivity in. It doesn't mean I care less for those affecting me, but more importantly I've learned that the harder I care and dwell on what's going on in the people's lives around me does not change their outcome. It is their life's journey. While I may play a part in it when it comes to family, I'm not holding the steering wheel for them.