Fear is Still Kicking Me in the Behind.

[Rah nam]

I am sure there are many ways to heal this negative emotions, and without reading what has been said, I simply say what I have practiced during the 90th.
Daoist yoga has a way to bring out negative energies and turn them into positive energies, which are the refined and used in different practices.
I have to say, I never had an overwhelming feeling of fear, yet other negative emotions to deal with.

we learn we are but soaring, that
we are be unique in our soar, so

you rise to the moon and by the
way fear is a little flame

because you soar in what you do,
fear is over saultted by you.

fear is not the bigknot,

fear might be a "makebelieve"
k.o'er ko'd toy, blah blah

grow up? grow good? grow lean?

fear's not as precious as real people.

"real people win."

m. m. : little guys

where you soar you make a world out of
yourself, where you control your reins.

"real people win."

m. m. : are you at peace.

[Julian]

Originally Posted by SierraNevadaStar

Despite meditating, decreeing, praying and practicing in other ways spiritually, I am still struggling with fear. If I try to ignore fearful, worrisome thoughts and go on about my day by distracting myself with more pleasant things, fear often shows up in my dreams via horrible nightmares (in which some of my worst fears are realized leading me to wake up frantic and/or depressed).

At this point, I am not sure how to handle it. Am I merely squelching my fears rather than dealing with them so that they then manifest in my dreams? Fear has been my nemesis since I was three or four years-old.

I have been trying to practice sublimation as much as I can by working on my writing, learning to play the guitar, reading, cooking/baking and spending time with my son, etc.

Still, I can get on the ol' fear train (woo-woo!) and once I am on it, it becomes next to impossible to disembark sometimes. I have a mind that can fixate on things for hours (about two decades ago, I suffered from severe OCD). Unfortunately, I was 'conditioned' to worry, to often think 'what if.' Now and then, I can get bad headaches when a bout of fear is especially strong. Sometimes, I even feel sick from fear and throw up. I don't so much suffer from 'fight of flight syndrome.' No, instead, I 'freeze up.' I do nothing but stay still and watch as my mind spins a web which I then get caught up in. I am tired of living this way and feel drained and powerless a lot of the time.

I have tried therapy on and off over the years, but it seldom works for me as to fear. I know that If I did not practice spiritually, my situation would be even worse. Some days, I seem able to glide on by my doubts and fears with little anxiety. I wish I could say those days were the majority, but they are not.

I used to 'in the divine flow' and it was wonderful. I miss it. Somehow, at the time I was able to let go of much of - though not all of - my fear. Of course, I cannot be 'in the flow' like this and that troubles me.

If anyone could offer some advice or support in this regard, I'd be much obliged. Thanks.

I like the Ho'oponopono approach of dealing with anxieties. It is very simple as you just say 'I love you.' to all fears and release them to divinity. Once you are in a fearful state, just remind yourself of your 'I love you'-practise. If you are interested in that check out Dr Hew Len's or Mabel Katz's work on the internet.
Much love,
Julian

[SierraNevadaStar]

Originally Posted by H:O:R:A:C:E

as i see it:
the source of all being, the "prime creator", is not threatened by anything
whatsoever. mother/father goddess has not created anything which might
bring it harm. all of us are aspects of source energy; we are offshoots of
prime creator. the idea that something might cause damage to us can only
exist in the imagination... it is not based on truth.
humanity has experienced an imagined separation from source energy,
allowing the belief that "evil" has existence, and that death is an inevitable
feature of life [a bizarre notion]. in truth, life is eternal, and there is no
cause for fear of any kind. a "veil of forgetfulness" has been placed over
virtually all earth-dwellers so it seems... as a means to learn some lessons
of life. the energy of that veil may feed fearfulness in those who are
unwilling or unable to accept that there is no separation. the lifting of the
veil will cease the cause of fear to be present, and it will pass away.
SierraNevadaStar, for you to have a sensitivity to the energy of
doubt and fear could indicate that you've had an unshakable connection
to the reassurance of 'living in light' at other points (in prior lifes?) and
that you've volunteered to 'test your faith' in this lifetime. when the burden
of doubtfulness is lifted from this world, you'll be greatly rewarded.
as a practical matter, until the veil gets lifted, you can't really expect to
"work with" the energy of fear... it's not something that fosters creativity;
it acts as a contrary force to loving light.

It's interesting your saying this, Horace. I feel, is likely quite true in my own case. A few years back, I had this dream I was heading toward a lighthouse and was having to cross a large patch of ice before I reached it. I was nearly to the small cluster of rocks upon which the tower stood, when I froze in fear. I feared some sort of heartbreaking loss in the dream - even though I knew it was highly important that I reach the lighthouse, that I needed to walk on past my fear. I recall looking up to this bleak sky in the dream and fixating on my fear rather than moving onward. I felt so much desolation. I woke up feeling quite emotional.

Also interesting, is the fact that I had just done a, "Lift the Veils of Illusion" meditation a couple of weeks prior to the dream. In this dream, there was something significant which later revealed a truth in the here-and-now which had been hinted at in the dream. This was orchestrated via a whopper of a synchronicity. I had also done a casting of the I Ching with regards to the dream and it gave me amoving line speaking about a 'veil having been lifted' and to then move forth in my newfound 'knowing' (something I've not done because of, well, fear and I think I've since paid dearly for it.)

[SierraNevadaStar]

I want to thank everyone for responding to my post. I know I am a little late in coming back to it, but I tend to take periodic breaks from the internet - some short and some longer. I do appreciate each response I got and you're all so kind to offer me such good advice. I will have to check out the suggested reading materials as well!

A couple of people here asked me about my fears and I do not mind sharing them. I do, however, have to summarize as to some goings-on in my life to communicate why I fear these things.

I have been in physical pain for YEARS and no one knows why. The pain started while I was in the first trimester of pregnancy with my now eight-year old son. It was my upper back that 'went' for no clear reason (I never had back problems before in my life. I also practice yoga and pilates regularly and have done since I was a kid.). After my son's birth, my hipo/pelvic girdle 'went.' Then my feet, followed by my neck and my wrists (though the latter two were largely due to a since treated pinched nerve, but I still get twinges now and then.). I also developed sciatica. Most said a hormone called relaxin was to blame as it relaxes the tendons and ligaments in the body during pregnancy. And yet, like I said, I am still suffering. I have other health issues too which have never fully resolved. I have had lots of tests and 'manage' the pain with body-control pilates, massages, acupuncture and a chiropractor. I also regularly take certain supplements. I have to wear orthotics in my shoes at all times. For some reason, my hip/pelvic girdle pain has been especially bad for over two months now when it had been more improved for a long time (though never completely healed). In short, my body feels broken and so one great fear of mine, is that my health will never get better. It hasn't - depsite all I have done and am doing (and yes, I have done some spiriutal work too regarding it though I could do more, always!). Ironically, I have always been quite health-conscious and have lived on a wholesome diet for much of my life and exercised.

Onto my next fear...I have been living in England for eleven years and have wanted to go back home to the U.S. to live for about seven of those. My son has 'special needs' due to delayed development. Here in the U.K., healthcare is free and we all know, in the U.S., it is not. Due to my physical issues, taking care of him on my own is hard and my family is getting on in years. My husband loves his homeland and has a good job here. I am wanting out of my marriage, but do not wish to leave my son behind. He likes his school, is well looked after here in the education system and has some truly great friends. Thus, I don't really see a way out of here and so another fear of mine, is that I will never get back to where I want to be - to my beloved mountains. I am sacrificing my own happiness each day I that linger here. I struggle to have a regular job due to my health issues which only complicates matters.

I do believe there is a likely correlation between my poor physical state and my homesickness.

I have other fears - not death anymore. I have not been afraid of death since my teens. I look forward to it actually. ;-) But I fear loss on many levels...I fear abandonment. And yes, naturesflow (I LOVE your post and thank you so much for it!). I fear 'fear itself.' I fear not fulfilling what I'm meant to in this lifetime and later looking back on my life with much regret because fear really did win out in the end. I suppose I also fear continuing to feel as lonely and isolated as I do now. I fear never being able to give my son a proper fixed house/home of his own (like I never had). I fear he won't get past his developmental delays and live a more 'normal' life and I mean that in the way of functioning. I fear I'll never 'make it' as a writer and so have even let fear stop me from sending my book off to prospective literary agents. (Yes, I know, I've a lot of fear!).

I do journal routinely and I have for much of my life...I speak of my fear quite a bit when I journal. It does help, but it does not seem to allay my fears. I am aware of the reasons behind some of them. As to obne fear aspect, I had a dream which was of a past life self who I know felt so much fear. In this dream, she told me, "Please forget me. Bury me." I knew she meant to 'forget' what she had done as a result of her fears (and also to 'forgive' my now self for it) and to 'bury' some of the same doubts, worries and fears she was haunted by which are haunting (and crippling) me in this lifetime.

With regards to the OCD I suffered and therapy - I was not just focused on treating the OCD for I'd been to therapy prior to the disorder and also thereafter for other reasons. In the end, it was not the therapists who helped me with my OCD but me. I healed myself of it through various applications (and if anyone here has it or knows someone who does, I am more that happy to help them because it truly can be, what I call the, "OCDemon."). I was younger then, more spry, and had more of my life ahead of me (I was in my early to mid-20s). I did not feel as tired, achy, beaten up and sad like I often do now. I had hope and somehow, I knew I would recover and that helped to encourage me onward.

I want to be at peace more than anything - throughout the entirety of my being - this I know. I want to be healthy again. I want to be home. I want to be able to provide for my son a wonderful life. I want to write and to do well at it. I want to fulfill what my soul set out to do in this lifetime and the list goes on...

[davidsun]

Very thoughtful (and spirit-touching!) sharings, everyone.

Just some (more) may-or-may-not-work (for you) ideas, SNS:

There are two techniques which people have used used to de-condition themselves as well as others from phobic 'reactions' (to fear-inducing stimuli).

One is gradual, using/practicing relaxation as a technique to 'desensitize' oneself while imagining getting closer and closer to the 'feared' object/condition, like a snake or getting on an elevator in the cases of people who have a 'phobia' about snakes or getting on elevators.

The other, sometimes called 'implosion therapy' (see http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Implosive_therapy) requires that one vividly imagine the worst kind of thing actually happening - in the case of a 'spider' phobia, say, imagining spider crawling all over one's body, into one's mouth, etc.! What happens in that case, if one stays with and doesn't truncate what will then obviously be a 'hellish' kind of experience, is that one's body, after going into a panic reaction, eventually relaxes out of sheer exhaustion, and thereby learns at a somatic level that life just goes on and returns to homeostatis even if the worst thing that one 'fears' 'happens'.

Your 'fear' syndrome strikes me as (possibly) having become so self-reinforcing (each time one has felt 'fear' and then somehow 'avoided' the worst thing one could imagine acts as a 'reinforcing' experience in the sense that one then (again!) 'believes' that one continues to be OK only because the worst thing one was afraid of didn't happen) that more conventional 'relaxation' techniques have little chance of working.

If you decide to try the 'implosion' route, I think, given your history and the extent of the 'problem', it would be advisable that you have a guide with you, ideally a qualified hypnotherapist. People have also used psychoactive hallucinogenic drug-induced-experience kind of 'therapy', but this is probably would only be appropriate for 'tough guy' types and would require a very special-experience qualified guide in any case.

Whatever you do, I would suggest that you have a balanced, capable-of-being-calm spiritually savvy friend on hand as a resource when experimenting with this. Whatever you (manage to) do, it also strikes me that the 'set' of your 'feared' possibilities is so large that multiple 'sessions', repeated over time may be necessary for your feeling-set to become homeostatically balanced.

I am reminded of Emerson's "Do the ting you fear and the death of fear is certain" meme in the above regard:
http://izquotes.com/quote/327502

Wishing you the very best on your journey -

[SierraNevadaStar]

Thank you so much davidsun!

I will say that my fear is often amplified by the fact that, many of my worries/fears did manifest into reality.

The other, sometimes called 'implosion therapy' (see http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Implosive_therapy) requires that one vividly imagine the worst kind of thing actually happening - in the case of a 'spider' phobia, say, imagining spider crawling all over one's body, into one's mouth, etc.! What happens in that case, if one stays with and doesn't truncate what will then obviously be a 'hellish' kind of experience, is that one's body, after going into a panic reaction, eventually relaxes out of sheer exhaustion, and thereby learns at a somatic level that life just goes on and returns to homeostatis even if the worst thing that one 'fears' 'happens'.

I do that a lot actually with a particular fear of mine and you know what? I am exhausted from it and have now let go...So, I'd say it works! I will explore it further. And Emerson, I love Emerson!

[davidsun]

Originally Posted by SierraNevadaStar

I will say, that my fear is often amplified by the fact, that many of my worries/fears did manifest into reality.

Yes, things can get 'linked' that way. But there's nothing like the intensity of fear that can build in relation to something one hasn't experience-manifested as yet, aye what? Its a "the devil that you know" versus "the devil that you don't know" kind of thang!

Originally Posted by SierraNevadaStar

I do that a lot actually with a particular fear of mine and you know what? I am exhausted from it and have now let go...So, I'd say it works! I will explore it further. And Emerson, I love Emerson!

Woohoo - Ride 'em Cowgirl!

[SierraNevadaStar]

By the way - nice website, David. May I please have your dog? ;-) What's his/her name? As my mother would say, "That's a 'cover woofer'!"

[davidsun]

Originally Posted by SierraNevadaStar

By the way - nice website, David. May I please have your dog? ;-) What's his/her name? As my mother would say, "That's a 'cover woofer'!"

That's Barney - a very handsome, heart-warming, look-right-into-your-eyes-with-his-big-brown-ones lovable lover!