2 years of reckoning?

[Stargazer]

Originally Posted by Delsol

It does suck big time that some amazing people turn out to be mirages - and that very real pain (even rage) takes time to work through, but here is the silver lining, perhaps; that thing he pulled out of you? It IS you. It was in you and only you the entire time. The 'guy' who brought it out was simply reflecting your own sweet self; was a catalyst for that truth to make itself known to you. In this way, these 'dark angels', as repulsive as they may seem once the mask is taken away, are messengers from God, too. Gifts. You may not have received your dream-guy, but you did receive a beautiful thing; a reminder of how divine and special you are, all on your own. Fall in love with THAT, and never leave that part of yourself. When it is good and solid, share it with someone deserving.

As for whether people with personality disorders know they have them or not, it is an interesting topic, but in the end we can only extend compassion from a distance and plow forward. We can try to influence those we care about and be supportive, but if doing that feels bad, something is probably off. Take care of you! Do things you like to do. Rest. Meditate. Sorry if I rambled. I went through something similar, only a bit more involved (twenty years worth) and I went into hermit mode for over 12 mos because of it - because of the trauma. I had to completely rebirth myself. There are many stages, but it is difficult to have regrets once you pass through each one because you know you are growing, learning - wiser and possibly more 'you' than before because of it.

Thanks DelSol. (((DelSol))) I feel like rebirth is a good term for what's needed for me. I don't even remember what I like doing. Its going to require a total system reboot.

Really posted some great links. Gaslighting...omg....that's what has happened to me. I've lost myself completely in the insanity and twisted logic that I don't even know which way is up.