Intrepid explorer i want to share a story about my totem. I will try not to make this about me. But it is necessary to elaborate on how I found my totem, in order to help you understand about possibly finding yours.
I know it will sound cliché, but take some time, like a few minutes, or an hour or whatever, and go to a quiet spot outdoors that you love. hopefully without anyone around, and (if you can deal with the mosquitos or deer flies this time of year) preferably, beside water. then just listen. However this is my way, so conversely, just go ahead and meditate in a way you feel comfortable doing.
ask yourself, if the medicine of Crow is part of your nature? If it fits with "who you are".
If you find it does, then just accept, this is one of your spirit helpers. Sent to you, to teach you, and remind you of what you need to learn. Become as they are, Pray to them, talk to them, and believe me , great things will happen. things will change, you will get messages much more clearly, and you will gain insights about things. they will be your protectors. Since you felt a bit of fear, this is good because, that same fear you felt, will be turned to keeping you safe. fear in this case is good.
The reason i ask you to remember the details is , every action the flyer takes, has meaning. The directions are important, pls refer to the medicine wheel teachings(use the one in your area) i.e. each direction has wisdoms to teach and this is why its important to take note of things, then asses it on a intuitive level. If going to the north for instance, might mean wisdom you are going to learn or are acquiring now, if going fast it means this may come quickly etc. there is more to it, but I dont have time today to write out this whole teaching. ask me again and I will.
now about my "ok" totem.
When I found out about Orca(dolphin), for me I did not ask for that. did not seek it, and I knew nothing about this stuff. I was young and visiting a teaching lodge for two weeks, listening to a "Nokomis" Grandmother, from the West coast (Canada).
There were around 20 others too. She was Kwakiutl or Salish. I Remember she liked to go by the name Rosy.
The first day, When I walked into the lodge, I immediately felt a powerful connection to this woman. It was not sexual, (she was much older than me)just a feeling like I had known her. I dont consider myself Psychic, but there was something non-ordinary going on.
Anyway, on the final day of the Circle, I was walking clockwise around the sacred fire to pay my respects, and we were all saying goodbye to her, and she stopped me cold on way out the door. literally she put her hand up and stopped me in my tracks.
she spoke: You have Dolphins swimming around you" " I see them". She then said, before I could speak ..." now- you go learn about its medicines."
On the way home I was pretty much shocked and my head was swimming because, the eerie part of it is, I am a natural born swimmer. It is one of my greatest gifts. But she could not have known that. Water to me is life.
I grew up on the shore of a famous, very large lake here in Ontario, and I spent more of my time IN the water that OUT. SO Dolphin was natural as a totem for me.
Rosy knew. She was Gifted. How could she have known about my deep love and connection to water? But I accept that gift now.
Actually at first I was like " what? Dolphin? me? every one wants to be Dolphin dont they?..."
I felt so honoured. I went and studied everything I could. But it was pretty clear right from the start that this WAS exactly my main totem. It has not changed to this day, and I have called on my pod many times. I did later figure out it was Orca, which is a member of the Dolphin Family, and this knowledge came to me through a very intense series of co-incidences. but more later on that.
In the future I will be doing a whole teaching on swimming because, most people do not understand what it means to swim naturally!. It is one of the few things I did NOT learn from the Wise ones, that was given to me to teach. Some people fear water AND I respect that because that is not thier element. but I digress.
So, do you feel honoured, joyous even, to have crow come in your life? if so this is a big hint.
If its been coming into your life a lot, and you understand its gifts, then maybe, This is revealing itself as a totem for you. If not, it just means there is something else that is going to be joyous for you to know as your guide.
hope this helps
Great peace, Nahow!