How do I get rid of this longing to be a mum?

[IntrepidExplorer]

I've posted on here before about my longing to have a child of my own. I've had this deep longing for nearly 20 years, and now that I'm older, reality is really starting to kick in - I may never have kids, just like other women I know who really wanted them and will never have them. People talk about adoption. Adoption is a great idea, and I have always wanted to adopt at least one child, but i still want a child of my own. Everyone around me seems to be having babies, which doesn't help. It's gotten to a point where I'm crying myself to sleep and I want it to stop. I don't know how to get rid of this longing.

I have thought about going to a sperm bank, but my parents would most probably disown me because having a child out of wedlock isn't culturally acceptable. I also don't feel too comfortable with the idea of the poor child not knowing who their father as and knowing they weren't born out of love.

Difficult to answer particularly as you are still allied to what your parents may think about it. You don't mention your age in your profile but if you've been thinking about this for 20 years time may be running out for pregnancy.

I've spoken about the subject of adoption to my parents - not the same as your situation - not an issue I need go into here but my ponderings led me to realise it wouldn't be the same as going through pregnancy, coming to term and giving birth, nurturing a child on one's breast. On the other hand you miss out all those difficulties, the hormonal changes, the stresses if your child is a crier and keeping you awake through the night etc. which can't be easy for a single girl.

Then again, it may be possible to purge the urge. Becoming a mum has crossed my mind several times but in all honestly I cannot bring myself to bring a child into the world as it is with no sign of things getting better. Obviously things are a bit more complicated than that - it would entail a big change of lifestyle and a reorientation with my parents (I dare say).

Let's see what others say.

...

[Baile]

Originally Posted by IntrepidExplorer

Adoption is a great idea, and I have always wanted to adopt at least one child, but i still want a child of my own.

I have thought about going to a sperm bank, but my parents would most probably disown me because having a child out of wedlock isn't culturally acceptable.

Hi IntrepidExplorer. All these blocks you place in front of you, to prevent you from getting what you want. A counselor would question if that's what you really want then. You're an adult. Choose what you will, and let others deal with it as they will. Looking further, I see you've created other threads on this topic going back a while now. If you don't plan to act -- adoption etc. -- and if your real question here is to "rid this longing," then counseling would indeed be the recommended route. Crying yourself to sleep sounds like an obsession, and seems it's been going on for a long time now, and that's not good.

[Dargor]

I know one effective way: try watching several episodes of Supernanny. That should be enough to make you cringe at the mere thought of having kids.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight

I know one effective way: try watching several episodes of Supernanny. That should be enough to make you cringe at the mere thought of having kids.

I knew at age 14 I would never have kids, I told that to my two buddies while walking to school one day. I said I would adopt kids if I ever wanted them, because there are already too many people on this planet already.

It's a question: Should society restrict peoples' ability to have children? Because of the over-population problem, and also because many people have neither the understanding nor the requisite level of responsibility that is takes to raise children. I assume Supernanny is about kids out of control, and parents unable to control them. That's what I mean. That shouldn't happen.

[Dargor]

Originally Posted by Baile

I knew at age 14 I would never have kids, I told that to my two buddies while walking to school one day. I said I would adopt kids if I ever wanted them, because there are already too many people on this planet already.

It's a question: Should society restrict peoples' ability to have children? Because of the over-population problem, and also because many people have neither the understanding nor the requisite level of responsibility that is takes to raise children. I assume Supernanny is about kids out of control, and parents unable to control them. That's what I mean. That shouldn't happen.

Don't really care tbh.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight

Don't really care tbh.

That was clear in your previous post. You obviously didn't read her post and have no interest in her feelings about children. At the same time I was trying to help you save face a bit; you know, help make your post make some kind of sense so that you didn't look so bad. But I keep forgetting that your whole schtick on this forum is to hate life and act miserable, and project that misery onto others. Old dog new tricks etc.

[Dargor]

Originally Posted by Baile

That was clear in your previous post. You obviously didn't read her post and have no interest in her feelings about children. At the same time I was trying to help you save face a bit; you know, help make your post make some kind of sense so that you didn't look so bad. But I keep forgetting that your whole schtick on this forum is to hate life and act miserable, and project that misery onto others. Old dog new tricks etc.

You know, I'm starting to think that your main objective on this forum is to personally annoy the living hell out of me. If you really think I only act miserable then why won't you just simply ignore me? I don't know WHAT you want, but I grow a bit weary of your unnatural obsession with me. Literally after EVERY post I make you show up with your load of hogwash. Then when I get back at you, you just vanish. Why won't you be a real man and create a topic where you publicly announce your undying love for me? Although I'm gonna have to disappoint you because I'm not into men and I care little if nothing at all for the likes of you. Now if you please, bugger off and go do your daily old man stuff and leave me alone.

[Silver]

Originally Posted by IntrepidExplorer

I've posted on here before about my longing to have a child of my own. I've had this deep longing for nearly 20 years, and now that I'm older, reality is really starting to kick in - I may never have kids, just like other women I know who really wanted them and will never have them. People talk about adoption. Adoption is a great idea, and I have always wanted to adopt at least one child, but i still want a child of my own. Everyone around me seems to be having babies, which doesn't help. It's gotten to a point where I'm crying myself to sleep and I want it to stop. I don't know how to get rid of this longing.

I have thought about going to a sperm bank, but my parents would most probably disown me because having a child out of wedlock isn't culturally acceptable. I also don't feel too comfortable with the idea of the poor child not knowing who their father as and knowing they weren't born out of love.

Do you meet men / go out on dates? What's wrong with taking the usual route? (It usually works - all too well.)


Incidentally, I just wanted to say re: SlayerofLight's sarcastic quip - I like it. I didn't see anything particularly negative about it. I appreciate the tongue-in-cheek stuff.

[Dargor]

Originally Posted by Silver

Incidentally, I just wanted to say re: SlayerofLight's sarcastic quip - I like it. I didn't see anything particularly negative about it. I appreciate the tongue-in-cheek stuff.

Don't mind him, that weirdo is just holding a personal crusade against me. No matter sarcastic or serious, he always finds something wrong with my posts and feels the need to give me endless lectures about them which I don't even care about.