Buddhism and Apathy

Hi everyone,

My Dad got into Buddhism about five years ago, and it has changed his character a lot, it has provided a lot of relief and meaning to his life.

The only bad thing I can say is that he now seems completely apathetic with everything - his answer to everything is just to detach and not get involved. He seems to have given up on a lot of things, such as socialising (which he always struggled with anyway) - it's like Buddhism has given him the permission to finally give up.

He no longer feels any emotion towards anything, and is completely passive. If something incredibly unjust happens, he behaves in an unusually detached and passive way.

I know that Buddhism encourages peace and detachment, but is this actually a good thing? I respect what my Dad's doing, but sometimes it just seems too far removed from the rest of us, like he's not there at all any more.

Hello e-ma this is mikron I try to share the best I can ! Looking upon the Soul Level , you are touching the stars that connect you both Father and Son! you must see this as a bridge of Light (soul) and you yourself must learn about Buddhism and find a way to be very creative in reaching out to your father let him guide you and you guide him ! Look at some books a good starting point to discuss with your father is " The four Noble Truths" think of your minds eye as being Crystal clear creative exploring ! the solution here !

Namaste
Mikron !

Ps: Ema you be the bridge of Light !

Thanks mikron, I am his daughter, hehe, but I really understand what you're saying. I do understand some about Buddhism - he sparked my interest and I studied the Dhammapada for some months. It was a great time, and very peaceful and I did learn a lot. However, I decided that it wasn't for me as a devout, dedicated lifestyle, I wanted to come back into the noise and the chaos! Which is where I'm at now. I guess I just wondered where the boundary between peace and apathy lies. My brother emigrated to Australia yesterday, and it was like my dad had absolutely no feeling towards him at all.. like it wouldn't matter if my brother was here, or over the other side of the world, or on the moon, or not here at all. My dad just said, "I never worry about anything." It just made me wonder.

But I do respect where he's coming from and I understand that a lot of the Eastern philsophies say, "A wise man laments for neither the living nor the dead" (I think that is written in the Bhagavad Gita). Perhaps it's just my personal choice to want to be connected in the way I do. Perhaps it will cause pain and suffering eventually and I'll give it up! Who knows.

Hi E-MA I am sorry I did not but you are a cosmic mirror for me mikron and yes you see the wisdom I spoke off and you already where doing such ! I really like that becuase I know all along it was a though you already had ! remember the 4 noble truths!!!!!!

Namaste mikron

Yup, you understood me

And I guess on a soul level there is no problem here. It's more of a culture clash, between the Buddhist way and the modern West in which we live. The Four Noble Truths do explain it all.

E-ma much Light to you like life riding a wave of Light , I posted an message in the general forum about the Spiritual Initiations and the focus is the 3rd Initiation ,because the Soul level is available to a person it infuses the personality and shines its Light so bright! its ASTONISHING does not even to it justice ,The Soul level is Limitess and the world today is so confused and the Soul will help all as it helps itself and all the world is better !

Even the essance of Buddah , would be wise to goto that message on the spiritual initiations and share the Light ! becuase he is the father aspect of the acient wisdom teachings becuase in our sphere of influence He is the first person and highest person to go through the spiritual initiations so he guides us all.

Namaste mikron

hey e-ma, i'm sorry to hear about your father. I have some experience on this matter as i've been there myself! I practiced Buddhism for a long time without any peripheral guidance and found myself quite detached to life and generally depressed as a result. What i found helped is that i realised that i was attached to detachment if you understand what i mean. Your father must understand that we can still experience feelings of love and joy (what kind of a life would it be without such things?) in fact we are encouraged to experience them fully (such is the way with the painful experiences) however after such experiences we let go and don't attach. Your father needs to create his own meaning in his life and open up to it, rather than detaching and shutting down- otherwise he will be stuck in a downward spiral.
I hope this helps, my heart goes out to you both.
Love & light
Pathwalker

Hiya e-ma,

From your description so far, of your father, I can totally relate to him and his wonderfully peaceful, detached attitude. I fully understand the Buddhist ways of dettachment and to the best of my ability, practice it in my daily life. And by the way, the Bhagavad Gita & Dhammapada Rock!

I admit, I'm dynamic, in character, than what you've described your father to be. Is he totally unfeeling? Does he display happiness though? Is he suffering? If he's not suffering then he's reaping the seeds sown in Buddhahood.
If he's happy & fulfilling his duties to lifes activities, family etc. as well as his Faith in laymen terms, then I think that's wonderful of him. No one can be expected to show emotion, if they are not feeling it.

The life I live is full of joy and activity whilst still being detached. To me, detachment is about participating fully in lifes experiences and activities whilst knowing that when and if it's all gone in this material existance, there's always one thing remaining, which is, in Buddhist terms, our Buddha-Nature.

With the Right View (from the Noble Eightfold Path) of life, that is, by seeing life through the eyes of Buddha - with wisdom and compassion, and following the rest of the Noble Eightfold Path, perhaps we might all be like your father, lol. Good on your dad for living life in the peaceful way of the Buddha, smiles.

I agree, good on e-ma's papa if he has in fact reached such a peaceful level. However from what you wrote e-ma, it does seem that he isn't fulfilling his role (such as avoiding social situations)- i think you had it spot on when you said he may be using his buddhism to give up activities which he may have struggled with. The fact that your brother just came to his new home and that your dad showed little emotion is an indication to me that he's not opening himself to the positive experiences nor the negative and that concerns me.
I wish you much luck and feel free to hit me back to let me know how you guys are doing
Cheers
Pathwalker

Ok so firstly I should mention I am not so well versed in the ways of Buddhism and exactly what it entails, my knowledge is limited to several conversations with my husband who is a Buddhist. Whilst Buddhism is not for me personally, I have not problem with the faith itself, rather I have a problem with the issues it can cause as a person is trying to adopt a new belief set and way of living without fully understanding what they are trying to do and how to go about it. From what I can tell Buddhism is not simply something one can read about on the internet and then adopt, the principals are far too ambiguous for that. When a person takes the aforementioned steps, or similar, it can cause a wealth of problems for the person involved and those they care about.

E-ma I really do feel for you and what you are going through, I went through similar with my husband (boyfriend at the time) when he was trying to integrate detachment into his way of living. It’s so hard to see someone you love becoming removed from all that is going o around them, especially when it concerns issues relating to those who are closest to them. In my experience the act of detachment seems to be more of an avoidant behaviour, of both positive and negative experience…. I’m guessing it comes in more useful for the negative. How best to avoid situations/things that are going to effect us negatively but to simply just decide that we are going to ‘detach’ from them and compartmentalise them into a place where they no longer have the ability to effect us. Yes they do exist but they become separate from us, not touching us and giving us the bonus of not having to think/deal about them….in essence we get to avoid them. Very, very bad!!! Beacuse they all get filed away in the undelt with pile, that continues to grow as time goes on. What happens when all this undelt with stuff breaks through the wall we have put up, it dosn't just trickle through but is a tidal wave that threatens to take us under.... this is not a matter of if it happens but when.

Your dad seems to have found the perfect vehicle for engage in avoidant behaviour, Buddhism and he even has the years of scriptures (texts) to validate his choice. It would be my guess that in the past your dad wouldn’t have been a person to tackle issues head on, rather the type who hopes that they go away in time? Now he just has found what he thinks is a valid reason to do what he has always done and to a greater extent. As for being happy where he is, a joyous place…pfft well of course it is because it is all under his control without any of the ups or down the rest of us enviably face. All of us at some point would like to be in that position, although most of us realise that whist we avoid the bad we pay the price of sacrificing the joy, good and love that is at the other end of the spectrum.

As for the showing no reaction over a long period of time is it possible that your dad is depressed?? Almost all the descriptions you gave are typical waring signs of depression. As Buddhism is a very “heady” religion anyways, to then to have a already emotionally/mentally vulnerable person retreat further into the heady space is dangerous!! They loose all perspective of the outside world and then the world they live in slowly starts to implode….and hey presto a major case of depression ensues.

My advice is to try and talk to your father about your feelings and what you see is happening, maybe you will get through, maybe not but at least you have tried. That said everyone has the right to live their lives the way they want, but they also get the consequences of those choices. Monitor your dad and look for any warning signs of serious problem and step in if required, other than that you must accept the things in life you can’t change, no matter how much or hard you try. Good luck and I sincerely hope that all works out in the end.