Spiritual Forums

Home


Donate!


Articles


CHAT!


Shop


 
Welcome to Spiritual Forums!.

We created this community for people from all backgrounds to discuss Spiritual, Paranormal, Metaphysical, Philosophical, Supernatural, and Esoteric subjects. From Astral Projection to Zen, all topics are welcome. We hope you enjoy your visits.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest, which gives you limited access to most discussions and articles. By joining our free community you will be able to post messages, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload your own photos, and gain access to our Chat Rooms, Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please, join our community today! !

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, check our FAQs before contacting support. Please read our forum rules, since they are enforced by our volunteer staff. This will help you avoid any infractions and issues.

Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Lifestyle > Health

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 15-01-2019, 05:56 PM
Winter Song Winter Song is offline
Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 42
 
In my own case, I don't tell other people about my problems, for a couple of reasons.

First, I don't get the point of just "venting" or "dumping" (airing all of one's grievances while seeking uncritical sympathy and "support"), and I don't enable people who do it. Whenever somebody starts to tell me about their problems, I stop them and ask, "Do you really want to examine this and work out a solution, or do you just want to vent? Because I'm willing to listen and give you a different point of view if it's the first, but I'm not going to be your dumping ground if it's the second." And I refuse to use other people as my dumping ground, too.

Second, I had to learn how to deal with my own problems at a very young age, rather than relying on adults to understand my situation and help me in ways that were actually helpful (because they tended to fail badly on both counts). Was I always good at it? Did I always make great decisions? No, but I did learn from my mistakes, and come to understand that the ability to solve my problems (or at least solve them well enough) was in my hands. There was always something I could do to make a bad situation just a little better, even if it was only changing how I felt about it.

When faced with a problem, I'm going to work it out on my own. Should I need specific information or practical advice from someone else, I'll ask for it, but I rarely do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight
I'm also recommended plenty of times to see a psychologist, but I don't like the idea of paying a random company money just so I get to tell a random stranger a sad story, which isn't their business to meddle with.
A psychologist is not a mere passive listener to sad stories, but it's also not their job to "meddle" with your story by telling you what to do. Their job is to get you to examine your own thinking about yourself and your life, and help you see how your thinking about yourself and your life is keeping you stuck in misery.

If you're trapped in a dungeon of despair, their job isn't to open the door and carry you out of it, or sit and listen to you go on about the wretched minutiae of dungeon life. It's to gently prod you into seeing how you're the one who keeps re-building the dungeon, keeping the doors locked and the chains fastened. Since you're the sole re-creator of that dungeon, you're also the only one who can tear it down. A good therapist can help guide you in that process, even if you have to do it brick by brick.

Quote:
I also convinced myself that showing sadness and emotions to others is a weakness that can and will be used against me, should I wear my emotions so casually on my sleeves. I admit that it is sometimes very tempting when a charismatic person or especially a girl approaches me about it to spill it out, but usually in the end I still overcome those temptations.

I created this thread because I just keep encountering people, sometimes even complete strangers when I'm at bars and clubs who ask me what is wrong, why I'm very quiet and not dancing and enjoying like they do. Almost as if it's God somehow sending these people (unbeknownst to them) to try and convince me of my error of not talking to anyone about my mental well-being or that I need to cheer up or something like that.
God's not sending them; it's the fact that you're so unhappy that your distress is clearly visible. You may think it a weakness to show your emotional state to others, but that's exactly what you're doing through your facial expressions and body language, and your distress is so obvious that it makes even total strangers approach to express their concern for you.

Quote:
So what is your stance on this one? Do you think it's better to keep everything to yourself in order to hold negativity and 'bad energy' at bay, or is it a necessity for the better?
The thing is, are you actually "keeping it at bay"? Because it doesn't seem to me that you are; instead, it seems to me that it's devouring you, and right out in the open where others can see it happening.

Talking about your problems just to "vent" isn't going to help you. You might feel a little bit of relief at first, but once the idea that you've shown "weakness" in front of another person kicks in, you'll probably just engage in more self-flagellation. If you're going to talk about them, it would be far more helpful to do as part of actively searching for solutions (whether that's with a therapist or not). And to do that means you'll have to be willing to question the worth of all your favorite bricks in your dungeon walls, and at least entertain the notion of tearing them out.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 15-01-2019, 06:05 PM
ocean breeze ocean breeze is offline
Master
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 3,019
  ocean breeze's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustBe
See this.

There are no conclusions in me.

Conclusions:

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustBe
I would more say I see and feel in you, a passionate person trying to maintain a more connected, authentic self and sometimes this can have you forge a path of self expression that becomes defensive and directly protective of itself up against others who might not align to this in you.(This is not a bad thing)I do feel humility follows on from this into an effortless awareness of all life in the engagement with life. Itís a point of surrender where you no longer feel threatened within yourself in this way. A humble presence would be a very open and have become aware of itself, through these more vulnerable points within itself. Seeing and feeling gratitude for all life because each one has opened you to dig deeper into those walls that desperately do not want to feel weak, inferior, less than, a failure and so on..their lays the gift of humility, within all those retainers..

Quote:
Your determination to be you seems to come with a burden inside you?

Quote:
Thatís your creation of my questions.

Later gators. I'm out.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 15-01-2019, 06:37 PM
Sapphirez Sapphirez is offline
Master
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Us
Posts: 1,633
  Sapphirez's Avatar
I think that "applying consciousness" is the main way to address almost any problem. I personally feel like internalizing ill feelings too much sort of provides a petri dish for them to fester, and I don't think that is something you want to remain and build inside of you. It's not fair to keep yourself down because you really don't have to live a life of total suffering. It's ok to have sensitive emotions and feel hurt and pain if that is what you are feeling and thinking, but it also becomes a matter of how much more are we creating by only shedding light (or shadows) on these negative emotions and ignoring most else.

When we talk to others about things bothering us, it's like we're shining a light on the shadows and giving ourselves more room to breathe, and hopefully grow more light internally. I know you may not, but I feel we are beings of light and love at the core so all of these negative emotions and everything are just suppressing the real us. I try to be positive a lot of the time, but I am sensitive too, and have negative things that get stuck in me and it's hard to move on, but it takes conscious effort to try and unravel and understand all of the nonsense that tends to brew inside.

I spent years looking for ways to heal and stop the hateful voices or whatever you want to call it. and through that journey I've found out what I think is the truth that we do deserve to be happy. That we are happy, there are just other things covering it up and getting in the way of us expressing our true nature. Now all that being said, doesn't mean that the 'happy-go-lucky' people in the bar are actually living their real selves and emotions. maybe their joy is fake, or based on superficial things.. maybe they are covering up their true darker emotions with a facade. maybe by facing your darkness you are more genuine than a lot of people who seem happy, and perhaps closer to pure happiness than them. but if you don't try to apply consciousness to your current state and thoughts, you could just remain stuck and living in your own shadows.


I don't fault you for not getting up and acting like the prom king at bars, (I've been plagued by social anxiety myself most of my life, since we're on the subject actually I used alcohol to try and suppress it) though your poor attitude is obviously apparent even through this forum. and I really like the fact that you made a thread about this situation. I think that in ways you want to open up more, and I believe it was Rumi who said “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” so sometimes those who have spent more time suffering and experiencing the unfortunate side of life can rise even greater and brighter, like the phoenix coming out of its ashes.

If you don't feel good there is no reason to keep yourself down. I know that terrible things seem to happen and that they feel personal like you're being punished, but maybe there is a more profound reason that you missed. Maybe the things that happened here that seemed so awful, made the spiritual side of existence better or something, and that might not seem right, but you are still connected to that side so what everything comes down to is your perspective, your attitude and your gratitude. There are many things to appreciate and experience, even for a prisoner locked in a tiny dark musty cold cell, if they are alive and their brain works, there are infinite things to celebrate, because a person has a lot of potential and abilities within their own body and mind. I mean, a cold little cell seems harsh, but just think of all the people on this forum who practice astral projection and meditation, and all the incredible places they go and things they experience while just sitting or laying there.. those riches can't be deprived even of a prisoner, so we always have something to appreciate. and the fact we are in homes and have access to a computer and this website illustrates that we have even more available than that prisoner who could potentially have everything they could need or want within their own selves.

I'm sorry if this is sounding silly it's just that I know the key to overcoming suffocating emotions and thoughts is to try and be more present and grateful. it's easier said than done but unless we try to see all the good that still exists within and around us then we just live a life of distraction and waste our time and possible experiences here. I like to think that at least loosely everything happens for a reason. If I didn't experience the suffering and ugliness I have then I wouldn't have been inspired to look for answers and find out all the amazing truths about life and living on this Earth that I have. and you might not be on this forum either if you didn't have troubling times. and hopefully you feel like your presence on this forum is worthwhile when all's said and done. I don't know what else you're into, but even though I'd like you to embrace light more, there is a sincerity to you shining through that not everyone exudes to such a degree. and that's a good starting space.

The thing about talking to others, is that it is not necessarily a panacea, and I think it's good to 'get it out' sometimes, but it's better if the one we're talking to can understand or at least has some quality about them that is free of judgment or anything that will not make us feel more free afterward. I think that Lucky's suggestion of journaling is really worth considering. Writing is a lot more powerful than it seems.

Also, there is a technique called Emotional Freedom Technique which was proven to be more effective than traditional Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and in a fraction of the time. So trying something like that might help you the most for now. It's a very simple yet profoundly effective technique, which has been scientifically verified through studies like those comparing it to CBT, that helps to rewire your brain and farther reaching parts of your being. It's like it helps us loosen all those knots that bind us, and unravels issues that we don't need to keep carrying around. It's been proven effective for all sorts of things, from mild mental disorders like depression to ptsd, phobias, etc and even helped people get better scores in golf and basketball believe it or not.. I guess it works on deep levels of our psyches to clear unnecessary baggage. It's also been shown on brain scans how it helps balance the energy there. here's one page about a little research on it but there's much more out there if you're at all interested

https://www.thetappingsolution.com/research/

All you have to do is try it, you can do it for just a matter of minutes, though of course I must warn you that you will probably feel silly doing it at first cuz it seems weird. there are lots of youtube videos people made to teach about it and guide viewers through the process, and websites and books too, though all you need to know is the basic technique set-up and you can run away with it on your own.

well, I know all what I've written is not what you asked for but if you don't find anything useful in it, at least you can feel better about yourself knowing you are not as silly as me lol. I just know what it's like to waste life away and be consumed by shadows for long periods of time, when that's not how it has to be. but you can use that depth you've experienced to dig up and elevate yourself even higher. I used to be afraid that if I tried to be happy that I might fall again and thus it'd be pointless, but the reality is that once we reach a certain height, if we fall again it usually won't be to such a low place. and if we do visit that low place again. perhaps it's because there is some more treasure to find there that we missed the first time we were there and were too busy being miserable to see. then we can use that to climb even higher. it's like, life is a path, but sometimes that path involves being lost in tunnels.. the important thing is to not spend our whole lives there, and find something worthwhile while we are, and that sort of deeply buried treasure can make our paths aboveground even more unique and sparkling. I guess with that analogy it's interesting to muse about.. how you're afraid of talking to people because essentially you don't want to bring them down to your dark caverns. but you never know, maybe they might find some treasure there too or you can share yours with them and then see what beauty you didn't even know you were hoarding. as long as you are at least a tiny bit open to getting a glimpse of the person's path you are sharing with. because they might have something else meaningful to share with you too
__________________
peachy
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 15-01-2019, 06:43 PM
SlayerOfLight SlayerOfLight is offline
Master
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 1,897
  SlayerOfLight's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winter Song
In my own case, I don't tell other people about my problems, for a couple of reasons.

First, I don't get the point of just "venting" or "dumping" (airing all of one's grievances while seeking uncritical sympathy and "support"), and I don't enable people who do it. Whenever somebody starts to tell me about their problems, I stop them and ask, "Do you really want to examine this and work out a solution, or do you just want to vent? Because I'm willing to listen and give you a different point of view if it's the first, but I'm not going to be your dumping ground if it's the second." And I refuse to use other people as my dumping ground, too.

Second, I had to learn how to deal with my own problems at a very young age, rather than relying on adults to understand my situation and help me in ways that were actually helpful (because they tended to fail badly on both counts). Was I always good at it? Did I always make great decisions? No, but I did learn from my mistakes, and come to understand that the ability to solve my problems (or at least solve them well enough) was in my hands. There was always something I could do to make a bad situation just a little better, even if it was only changing how I felt about it.

When faced with a problem, I'm going to work it out on my own. Should I need specific information or practical advice from someone else, I'll ask for it, but I rarely do.

A psychologist is not a mere passive listener to sad stories, but it's also not their job to "meddle" with your story by telling you what to do. Their job is to get you to examine your own thinking about yourself and your life, and help you see how your thinking about yourself and your life is keeping you stuck in misery.

If you're trapped in a dungeon of despair, their job isn't to open the door and carry you out of it, or sit and listen to you go on about the wretched minutiae of dungeon life. It's to gently prod you into seeing how you're the one who keeps re-building the dungeon, keeping the doors locked and the chains fastened. Since you're the sole re-creator of that dungeon, you're also the only one who can tear it down. A good therapist can help guide you in that process, even if you have to do it brick by brick.

God's not sending them; it's the fact that you're so unhappy that your distress is clearly visible. You may think it a weakness to show your emotional state to others, but that's exactly what you're doing through your facial expressions and body language, and your distress is so obvious that it makes even total strangers approach to express their concern for you.

The thing is, are you actually "keeping it at bay"? Because it doesn't seem to me that you are; instead, it seems to me that it's devouring you, and right out in the open where others can see it happening.

Talking about your problems just to "vent" isn't going to help you. You might feel a little bit of relief at first, but once the idea that you've shown "weakness" in front of another person kicks in, you'll probably just engage in more self-flagellation. If you're going to talk about them, it would be far more helpful to do as part of actively searching for solutions (whether that's with a therapist or not). And to do that means you'll have to be willing to question the worth of all your favorite bricks in your dungeon walls, and at least entertain the notion of tearing them out.

I agree that venting to others isn't going to help or benefit me in any way. It seems like my own personal problems sometimes becomes the problems of other people even if I have no desire whatsoever to have them involved. I try to keep negativity at bay by not bothering anyone about it. And as someone with social anxiety, I'm not interested in drawing attention to myself. I must correct you however, that this dungeon isn't something I have built myself unless you're one of those people who firmly believe we all plan our lives ahead before birth. But you are right that my problems aren't something anyone else can help me with. I also agree that no god or a higher being is most likely involved, as the existence and morality of god is up to debate.
__________________
For the king for the land for the mountains
for the green valleys where dragons fly
for the glory the power to win the black lord
I will search for the emerald sword
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 16-01-2019, 12:33 PM
SlayerOfLight SlayerOfLight is offline
Master
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 1,897
  SlayerOfLight's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustBe
There is an ability to deal alone and quite comfortably bring peace to your inner world. Containment or suppression often will come back to you to deal with in some way, so if your resisting yourself then it could backfire in time. Introverts process inwardly most often. Extroverts most often need a sounding board and energy of a group to energise and work through stuff. Not being the life of the party will have extroverts noticing. We introverts gain our energy by being alone to sort and find balance. We like nature and the confiding space of someone close and understanding.

I'm not sure if I'm an introvert since I like to hang around with some people from time to time because I don't like loneliness. However, I'm definitely not an extrovert neither. I think I'm somewhere in between. But as you say, I'm still different enough for extroverts to notice I'm not like them.
__________________
For the king for the land for the mountains
for the green valleys where dragons fly
for the glory the power to win the black lord
I will search for the emerald sword

Last edited by SlayerOfLight : 16-01-2019 at 02:29 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 16-01-2019, 01:51 PM
linen53 linen53 is offline
Master
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 12,522
  linen53's Avatar
I do what I can to keep my insanity at bay by staying busy but no, I don't unload to someone else. That would put me in a depressing frame of mind. And I don't want to go there.
__________________
Deb

If you hit rock bottom, start picking up rocks.

By embracing my imperfections I am becoming perfect.

Itís through the cracks that the light gets in.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 18-01-2019, 01:36 PM
JustBe JustBe is online now
Experiencer
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 354
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight
I'm not sure if I'm an introvert since I like to hang around with some people from time to time because I don't like loneliness. However, I'm definitely not an extrovert neither. I think I'm somewhere in between. But as you say, I'm still different enough for extroverts to notice I'm not like them.
I’m introverted but hang out with others also. I like connecting but I also pace myself in social situations the way I enjoy. Sometimes I can be the life of the party just by being connected but not necessarily the way others expect one too connect in social norms I’m not a social norm person. Introversion doesn’t mean we’re shy, our internal world is taking in lots of external stuff when engaging, so the more going on, the more we can be perceived as not participating, but in fact we are, just differently.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:08 PM.


Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) Spiritual Forums