"Argue"? I don't think we argue here, we have different view points, sure

[Miss Hepburn]

I think 'argue' is an incorrect word being used lately here...maybe on other forums where
they are fine with it and maybe encourage arguing...but here
I believe we counter with our own opinion, experience and angle,sure...but...
for the newbies here...arguing doesn't really happen much on this particular forum.
We agree 'to each his own' pretty much or decide not
to post with someone anymore and drop it...I've been here for years...
that seems to be the way here.
I'd love to keep it that way.
We could get technical on the definition of arguing...but, none-the-less, it has a negative combative connotation, no?

[Unknownparadox]

Definition.

1 : to give reasons for or against something : reason argue for a new policy
2 : to contend or disagree in words : dispute They're always arguing about money.
transitive verb
1 : to give evidence of : indicate The facts argue his innocence.
2 : to consider the pros and cons of : discuss argue an issue
3 : to prove or try to prove by giving reasons : maintain asking for a chance to argue his case
4 : to persuade by giving reasons : induce couldn't argue her out of going


Of course it really is the context it is used in that defines it.

.but, none-the-less, it has a negative combative connotation, no?

No.

[Moonglow]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

I think 'argue' is an incorrect word being used lately here...maybe on other forums where
they are fine with it and maybe encourage arguing...but here
I believe we counter with our own opinion, experience and angle,sure...but...
for the newbies here...arguing doesn't really happen much on this particular forum.
We agree 'to each his own' pretty much or decide not
to post with someone anymore and drop it...I've been here for years...
that seems to be the way here.
I'd love to keep it that way.
We could get technical on the definition of arguing...but, none-the-less, it has a negative combative connotation, no?

I usually relate an argument with high emotions and raised voices or intense wording. In my experience related to neither side really listening to the other.

Some may differ with this view point. Find debating and arguing are two different approaches,

In a debate one side presents its view point, then the other side presents his/hers view point. Although opposing view points, each side is given a voice and space to express their point of view.

A conversation, to me, is when both sides listen to each other and there is flow in discussing a topic at hand. Can have opposing views, but not so much attempting to prove one right or wrong. More exchanging ideas, feelings, thoughts, ect.

Where it becomes contentious is when it breaks down into name calling, assumption made about the other, or one is attempting to have his/her way and no other way. No listening or respecting other view points.

I have seen such posts from time to time occur, but over all feel most are respectful of others.

Some like a good back and forth, some like exchanging ideas, experiences, and such. Guess depends on what one may be looking for.

[Tomma]

Well SF clearly states in its rules that this is not a debate forum.

Members are reminded this is a discussion forum and not a debate forum. That is to say: Debates are destructive as they present one-sided opinions and destroy reasoned arguments, whereas discussions are constructive and encourage the expression of opinion.

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/fa...q_new_faq_item


I almost always bow out of a thread when discussion becomes heated and has an unfriendly feel. What's the point?

[Moonglow]

Originally Posted by Tomma

Well SF clearly states in its rules that this is not a debate forum.



http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/fa...q_new_faq_item


I almost always bow out of a thread when discussion becomes heated and has an unfriendly feel. What's the point?

Hi Tomma,

I respect this rule as stated and in the spirit of keeping the forum as an open space for all..

I also tend to bow out of discussions that become to heated and unfriendly and goes too off track of the topic at hand.

[ocean breeze]

I'm all for debates and heated arguments on a public forum. As long as things don't go too out of control. Which i've never seen here yet. I'll take that over the passive aggressive and self-righteous attitudes.

[Honza]

This forum has strict codes of conduct and is very protective of the quieter members. I've known so many 'argumentative' types get suspended. Which is probably a good thing in the long run.

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

We could get technical on the definition of arguing...but, none-the-less, it has a negative combative connotation, no?

No it doesn't, says he through gritted teeth and with tongue firmly in cheek.


I've had some of the best Spiritual 'ah-ha' moments in the middle of a heated battle. Often we become so carried away that we're going to prove our point come hell or high water and often because of that we dig deep into ourselves just to prove ourselves right and the other person wrong. The being right part is good for the ego but what's more interesting is that we've gone deep into ourselves for 'resources' to do battle with. It's like old sailors' saying, that a ship sails more majestically slightly athwart the wind. People saying 'I agree' kinda takes the wind out of the sails of the discussion. I also think that in the midst of battle people tend to show their true colours more, and if we take offence what does that say about us?



So, handbags at ten paces at dawn. Don't be late.

[Nameless]

Coming from a family of seven siblings, I learned early in life a lot about arguing.

Mostly I learned I didn't like it, and the ones doing the arguing were mostly not happy.

It's is difficult to think of an argument when you are happy.

I learned how to avoid arguments.

Then I had children.

Who argued with me, because I gave them free- will to do so.

What was I thinking?

My children have taught me so much about myself. They totally destroyed a lot of the belief system that I grew up in (I did a lot of that myself before they were born, which is why there were given free-will LOL) but they didn't argue with me about it, they just told me how it was for them.

In my "old" life, I would have thought that was arguing.

Case in point - when my children were little, they had imaginary friends. I was brought up not to believe in all that, but I educated myself and at the time it was the "thing" to just go along with it and don't tell them they aren't real, so I went along with it and asked them little to no questions about it but respected that they had imaginary friends. I even sat on one, and was berated by my 4 year old daughter (who knew?)

Who knew that when my children became teenagers they would have the courage to tell me that they were both psychic and their imaginary friends were their guides and they could see ghosts (the one's that I shoo'd out of the house for them).

Because my children were given their voice, they didn't have to argue with me. They just told me how it was for them.

I think there is arguing (when someone is mad and just wants to be contrary) and there is insisting.

There are contrary people on here that I ignore that just like to stir things up. I recognize that from growing up with so many siblings. They just want to be heard, out of the crowd of voices. Maybe they don't and have not yet realized that is not the way to have a conversation with someone. And maybe they were not listened to enough, and taught how to have a conversation and not an argument.

But I try and listen to the insistent ones - they may be on to something and I am (hopefully) always willing to learn new tricks

There is an art to conversation. And if you were not listened to by your parents or the people that raised you, then you have to learn it from others. My husband and I taught our children how to converse. I see those that don't know how, and I see the struggle they have in their lives because of it. So I have some sympathy for that, because I also had to learn it on my own. But because I wasn't listened to as a child, I learned to listen to my children. The circle of life.

But do I have to listen to angry strangers? NO. I go talk to the happy ones :)

[Northern Seeker]

What if the original poster says something like “Tell me how this is wrong... I’m looking for strong opinions to temper my current belief so lay it on me”.

Would this lighten up the restrictions on aggressive argument for that thread or is the policing universal and non-negotiable?

Just curious since I might often be interested in a freely open rebuke to my possible errors in analysis or position (hypothetically of course - surely this NEVER happens).