Marriage

My mate and I were talking about marriage today (he says he's not ready) and as we talked about it, I found myself asking why do I want to get married? I love him, yes. I'd like to live with him, sure. But why marriage?

It's caused me to do quite a bit of soul-searching. Is it spiritual? Do I just want a ring? is it that I just want the experience of marriage so I can check it off my bucket list? I don't just want to get married, but am I trying to make things legally recognized? I don't know! I think I've come to the conclusion that all I want is companionship. I can't think of any other reason beyond that...

Why did you get married?

[Robinski78]

I suppose I got married, because it seemed the right thing to do... Obviously, there was love attached to that, although it took me a number of years to finally fathom out I needed a greater depth of love, than my marital partner could provide me with... And that was the end of that...

Yah need to be certain in all manner of ways, that marriage is what you 'need' ~ not (necessarily) what you 'want'.

[Clover]

Tradition, cultural and love. Was it the right thing do to? Perhaps, that is a question that comes with time. One this is true, marriage is work, be very prepared for it, and bring a helmet, a very strong one.

Originally Posted by Robinski78

I suppose I got married, because it seemed the right thing to do... Obviously, there was love attached to that, although it took me a number of years to finally fathom out I needed a greater depth of love, than my marital partner could provide me with... And that was the end of that...

Yah need to be certain in all manner of ways, that marriage is what you 'need' ~ not (necessarily) what you 'want'.

I never think of marriage as a need...

Originally Posted by BlueClover

Tradition, cultural and love. Was it the right thing do to? Perhaps, that is a question that comes with time. One this is true, marriage is work, be very prepared for it, and bring a helmet, a very strong one.

I use to think that disney fairytales were the only examples of good love and marriage. Anymore work than what I saw in those movies or books, I didn't want. But that was then. Idk if I'll ever get married as I'm not one to marry for the sake of it I suppose but it's something I've been thinking about lately. Maybe because of my age.

[Renessme]

Your post is just in time for my soul searching too. Lately i have been wondering if marriage is really what i want? Ir is it just another societal programming i have in my system.

Mainly, my view of marriage is very romantic. That you get married because you love each other. And thats it. However, of all that has happened in my life, i've been thinking and observing married couples (especially my parents) how it is a constant and continuous work. Made me realize how it can be really difficult especially if your someone too idealistic like me. You can say that my rose colored glasses have been shattered as i have seen how most men cling for dear life of their pride. And both idealism and pride doesnt work with marriage. As i have seen with my parents it is a lifetime of compromise. And clearly a far cry of the fairy tale happily ever after. Though from time to time, i see the love in my parents eyes. How much they love each other, but most of the time, i see reality has taken over. I see how a lifetime of compromise can kill the romance which is essential i believe in a marriage.

I have been watching this show on tv too and it is opening my eyes and challenging all my views on marriage. I have been asking myself why do i want to get married so much? Is it the person? Is it me? Do i want kids? Do i want a family or just kids? Do i want to be forever tied to one man? And is love really everlasting? Hmmm...

From the show i also saw how and why men are cleary reluctant with marriage. It doesnt have anything to do with loving or not loving a woman. Usually it is because of other concerns, 9 out of 10 it is for financial reasons. Which is quite understandable because men are programmed to take charge and be the provider in a family. Their concern being, if they can provide a good life for the wife and the kids. If they will be able to sustain a good life for the entire members if the family. So clearly, men see it as sime sort of a rite for a humongous responsibility.

Women on the other hand are more ready for marriage. Women want to nurture and raise kids and as long as they love a man, they are willing to throw everything away and embrace what lies ahead with this man they love, good and bad.

Women in general marry for romance, for love. Men in the other hand sees marriage as a responsibility.

Originally Posted by Renessme

Your post is just in time for my soul searching too. Lately i have been wondering if marriage is really what i want? Ir is it just another societal programming i have in my system.

Mainly, my view of marriage is very romantic. That you get married because you love each other. And thats it. However, of all that has happened in my life, i've been thinking and observing married couples (especially my parents) how it is a constant and continuous work. Made me realize how it can be really difficult especially if your someone too idealistic like me. You can say that my rose colored glasses have been shattered as i have seen how most men cling for dear life of their pride. And both idealism and pride doesnt work with marriage. As i have seen with my parents it is a lifetime of compromise. And clearly a far cry of the fairy tale happily ever after. Though from time to time, i see the love in my parents eyes. How much they love each other, but most of the time, i see reality has taken over. I see how a lifetime of compromise can kill the romance which is essential i believe in a marriage.

I have been watching this show on tv too and it is opening my eyes and challenging all my views on marriage. I have been asking myself why do i want to get married so much? Is it the person? Is it me? Do i want kids? Do i want a family or just kids? Do i want to be forever tied to one man? And is love really everlasting? Hmmm...

From the show i also saw how and why men are cleary reluctant with marriage. It doesnt have anything to do with loving or not loving a woman. Usually it is because of other concerns, 9 out of 10 it is for financial reasons. Which is quite understandable because men are programmed to take charge and be the provider in a family. Their concern being, if they can provide a good life for the wife and the kids. If they will be able to sustain a good life for the entire members if the family. So clearly, men see it as sime sort of a rite for a humongous responsibility.

Women on the other hand are more ready for marriage. Women want to nurture and raise kids and as long as they love a man, they are willing to throw everything away and embrace what lies ahead with this man they love, good and bad.

Women in general marry for romance, for love. Men in the other hand sees marriage as a responsibility.

You know, my mate has this same reasons you provided. He isn't ready but I am. I don't know why, but I just feel ready. Not to just get married to anyone but to him. I'm ready for something more concrete. But uh...we'll see.

[RedEmbers]

Originally Posted by Renessme

Your post is just in time for my soul searching too. Lately i have been wondering if marriage is really what i want? Ir is it just another societal programming i have in my system.

Mainly, my view of marriage is very romantic. That you get married because you love each other. And thats it. However, of all that has happened in my life, i've been thinking and observing married couples (especially my parents) how it is a constant and continuous work. Made me realize how it can be really difficult especially if your someone too idealistic like me. You can say that my rose colored glasses have been shattered as i have seen how most men cling for dear life of their pride. And both idealism and pride doesnt work with marriage. As i have seen with my parents it is a lifetime of compromise. And clearly a far of the fairy tale happily ever after. Though from time to time, i see the love in my parents eyes. How much they love each other, but most of the time, i see reality has taken over. I see how a lifetime of compromise can kill the romance which is essential i believe in a marriage.

I have been watching this show on tv too and it is opening my eyes and challenging all my views on marriage. I have been asking myself why do i want to get married so much? Is it the person? Is it me? Do i want kids? Do i want a family or just kids? Do i want to be forever tied to one man? And is love really everlasting? Hmmm...

From the show i also saw how and why men are cleary reluctant with marriage. It doesnt have anything to do with loving or not loving a woman. Usually it is because of other concerns, 9 out of 10 it is for financial reasons. Which is quite understandable because men are programmed to take charge and be the provider in a family. Their concern being, if they can provide a good life for the wife and the kids. If they will be able to sustain a good life for the entire members if the family. So clearly, men see it as sime sort of a rite for a humongous responsibility.

Women on the other hand are more ready for marriage. Women want to nurture and raise kids and as long as they love a man, they are willing to throw everything away and embrace what lies ahead with this man they love, good and bad.

Women in general marry for romance, for love. Men in the other hand sees marriage as a responsibility.

that whole 'women being more ready... marriage, kids... princess stuff' is just another stereotype fed to us and I am pretty sick of that darn sterotype (no offense).

most of the women I know have a completely different focus beyond that...
Im in a long term partnership. . . I pretty much have no desire for marriage and and I have never been the kind of girl who dreamt of marriage or kids.

I am quite happy with companionship without marriage.

It was part of a social system, a good system in a way because it favoured stability for children (alas, a long-lost sentiment now that <50% of children are still with both parents at the age of 15 (UK) and supported benign capitalism (of which most people were victim). Now it's about the weddings industry, the Big Day (the con of said industry to make you think you've arrived, hooray, not just started!) Today's (unenlightened) love? It lasts as long as the couple's sexual repertoire lasts without getting routine and boring - usual night, usual positions, usual foreplay routines, etc.

Rueful
...

Originally Posted by Colorful-Chameleon

that whole 'women being more ready... marriage, kids... princess stuff' is just another stereotype fed to us and I am pretty sick of that darn sterotype (no offense).

most of the women I know have a completely different focus beyond that...
Im in a long term partnership. . . I pretty much have no desire for marriage and and I have never been the kind of girl who dreamt of marriage or kids.

I am quite happy with companionship without marriage.

Hey Colorful!
What would be your reason for marriage if you do get married?

I'm not much different in the sense that I never saw myself married or with kids which is unusual to many around me and what drew me to the question. I can't think of a reason to be married other than companionship at the moment. But I don't want a "long term partnership" either because I don't see it as progressive. I feel like if two people are growing spiritually together, then marriage can take things to another level.