A Leap Of Faith

Here's an old story of mine; I wrote it for those who have depression and no hope (as I once did). Oh, it also co-stars unrequited love(!)

Here we go again sighed Hazel, slumping into her garden hammock. With her college essay completed, her depression now descended more heavily upon her. All at sea - at the mercy of her emotions - she passively succumbed.

She had fallen secretly in love. Without signs of mutual interest, it felt foolish to express herself. Hazel herself was pursued by some students; it was the unwelcome pressurised nature of this that determined her affection remain undisclosed unless reciprocated. However painful, the feeling of love was beautiful, gentle and - for her - had nothing to do with the imposing, manipulative energy of lust.

She pondered the relationships of her friends. Being unlucky in love felt like the norm. Was it bad luck? Sabotage? Fate? Feeling too low to rationalise, she reached for her drink. Suddenly the sun came out and randomly spotlit
colourful areas of the garden. Hazel acknowledged this in a subdued, distant manner. She then caught herself thinking that the appreciation of this scene was not for her. For the first time she had become aware of this thought process - dismissing something pleasant in self-punishment. It had to be this way didn't it?

Hazel recalled her college essay on humanistic psychotherapy. She was drawn to this positive subject because it differed from her fatalistic mind-set of accepting how things were - not feeling that they could be otherwise. Her essay was on the practical application of choice, exercising freewill which, although intriguing, she wasn't sure could be true. Were they just kidding themselves - that reality could be so optimistically transformed? Believing in this illusion? She had never put it to the test and here she was in this sunlit garden, with her depression.

She looked around her - could this shining greenery be appreciated in her current state, if she chose it to? How could she let it in? That was it... CHOOSING to confront her ingrained, self-imposed barrier and allow herself access to a fuller experience. It felt timely so she opened her mind up to this possibility. She looked around the garden with fresh vision. For quite some time nothing changed. She started to feel foolish. Then, when she was just about to give up, her perception shifted. The heaviness began to lift and she became both humble and excited, like she did as a child. There was now nothing inbetween her and the garden. She could feel the beauty around her - the golden rod radiant in the sunlight, the shafts of sunlight streaming through the oak tree, tinged with intermittent rainbow edges. Her leap of faith consolidated into the knowledge that freewill can truly be accessed. We can choose how we react to situations.

Although, (being in love), she still felt all at sea, she was no longer at the mercy of her emotions. The shore line was in sight and she had now acquired a new energy that would enable her to swim to safety.

[knightofalbion]

Lovely!

So glad you found your way to the shore.

Wishing you (requited) love and happiness for the future, dear Amy.

Thanks knightofalbion - whereas I think the content, message (practical help) is good, I now think the writing is a little stiff and the situation sounds somewhat contrived (although it is what actually happened...all of it. The only fictional part being the name, Hazel). It was written a long time ago; think I could do better now but just wanted to put it out there. Sometimes, when you edit something, it gets too messed about with and loses its essence.

Thanks for posting this amy

[Sapphirez]

I'm glad that you had a needed and deserved paradigm shift. funny how these things happen sometimes

[norseman]

oops ! mistake, sorry Amy

I believe in the power of positive thinking, affirmations and my higher power.

Thanks for sharing what a lovely story, shines hope.
Love and Light.