The Spiritual Dance of the Narcissist and the Sensitive

[Sojourner2013]

This post is a continuation of the topic brought up in my post “A Riddle from Spirit” that addresses NPD. I try not to use psychological terms, as I find that layman terms work better for all.

The first premise of this post is my belief that:

You attract who you are, not who you want

Meaning, your vibrational energy will gravitate/attract the same vibrational energy. If you like who you attract, great!! If you don’t, you may want to take some time for self-analysis.

Let me explain: a common complaint (by either gender, doesn’t matter) goes as such: "I always attract cheaters (people who cheat on me behind my back)."

Cheaters are seeking an external source to resolve a dissatisfaction within self. They will seek a solution via someone outside of the relationship to dissipate/resolve a discontentment that they believe is not being fulfilled through the partner.

Now apply the idea that you attract who you are, not who you want.

So, you say “Well, I’m not a cheater. I’m loyal and would never cheat on my partner.” But maybe you’re not that kind of cheater (seek out people outside the relationship) but you’re a shopaholic. You use the purchasing of clothes, jewelry,etc to deal with your discontentment.

Both partners, upon scrutiny, are being dishonest about their feelings of dissatisfaction or not dealing appropriately with their emotions. Voila, you attracted who you are.

Now, apply this to the Narcissist and Sensitive dynamic. Note: I use the term Sensitive as an Empath who doesn’t know they are an empath.

The Narcissist is the walking wounded, bleeding continuously from an organ called Self-esteem which they don’t know how to stop the bleeding and they continually attack anyone who accidentally or intentionally touches the wound.

The Sensitive is also lacking in self-esteem, but shows it in different ways such as seeking approval, acceptance and reliance through what they believe to be selflessness. They sense the same need in the Narcissist for acceptance.

Both are lacking self-esteem. Both are seeking solutions external to Self through relationships. Typically, you will see the dynamic of the Narcissist and the Depressed/Suicidal person. Why? The Narcissist is keen on picking up weaknesses in others and has figured out that the Sensitive wants acceptance. The Sensitive views the Narcissist as having self-esteem in spades and initially will admire their confidence and magnetism. Until things start to get real.

Then you begin to see the Spiritual Dance.

The Narcissist is seeking healing. The Sensitive is seeking validation and acceptance. Yet, neither knows on a conscious level what they see in each other. On a spiritual level, the Narcissist wants the Sensitive to heal him/her. The Sensitive wants to heal, but in the only way they currently know how—empathy, selflessness.

So, the Sensitive (because they are not yet aware of their healing abilities) will rescue the Narcissist from their pain by taking/absorbing their hateful behavior and antics, hoping that it will help the Narcissist feel better. Typically I will see that a person suffering from depression has simply absorbed others' energies (sadness, depression, etc) unknowingly but take it as their own feelings because they don't know they are an empath.

The Narcissist gives it to them (hate, anger, etc), hoping to feel better. But it doesn’t get better, it gets worse. Until both parties give up or one, somehow, breaks away.

The energetic bonding is deep because the wounds are deep. For both parties. Until someone decides to grow which will require courage and strength to ask for help, professionally or spiritually.

[Shivani Devi]

I need to express/vent.. whatever.

I have noticed a rather disturbing trend which has just recently surfaced...only in the past 5 years or so.

This trend sees the "victim" of narcissistic abuse being judged as 'asking for it' or 'inviting it' by showing a weakness of character. Thus, the traumatised person, who suffers from CPTSD by now, will be told that it was all their fault for "creating this reality" and asking for the abuse, so they should look within themselves to find out why because it is a "life lesson" they need to learn... meanwhile, the narcissist is given preferential empathy/sympathy..."poor narcissist...they must be SO traumatised to be a narcissistic person."

This is like telling a woman that she deserved to be raped because she wore a mini skirt.

Meanwhile, all the person with CPTSD can do is to say "f*** those 'spiritual people' who believe in all that bulls***. Let's go and speak to a psychologist who has been trained in such matters instead if I need to understand this".

[eatember]

Thanks for making the new thread. I wanted to let you know that I saw it even if I don't reply straight away. I think because we're observing the same phenomenon, there are a lot of things here that I recognize but not in the same way that you do. It's a bit confusing to see a viewpoint so similar but so different. I would like to let these new viewpoints sink in so that I can understand them better before commenting on them.

[SaraTherase]

I agree that 'like attracts like'. Similarities may not appear obvious on the surface but you can be sure that internally there will be some mirroring and reflecting of one another going on.

The irony here is that we attract what we are to us but often we don't actually like who we are so right away we are going to see faults or find irritations and annoyances in the person we often attract. Thus we are presented with an opportunity to heal and learn from one another by recognizing that what we really don't like about the other person is really just showing all that we really don't like about ourselves.

The majority of people including myself have character disorders or defects that need to be worked through whether due to trauma, personality or illness. Psychological treatment without spirituality will not work and vice versa. I think more than a psychologist, what people really seek is a sounding board so that they can learn to discover and make sense of themselves for themselves. Seeing a psychologist will never work if one does not feel that sense of genuine care, interest and trust from the psychologist. Its sadly a system that is failing many because it is so impersonal and clinical.

My advice to anyone really struggling mentally would be to look at yourself like you would a young child. What does a young child need?

They need to be well cared for so make self care a real priority. Try to eat healthy, drink water, air out your house/room often and try your best to go outside everyday and get some light exercise.

They need healthy love so seek out people to connect with in a healthful way. Research ways in which you could help people to the best of your capability and find people to talk to and share things with.

They also need routine and stability so create a simple daily routine for yourself, keep it basic and realistic. Be open to trying meditation if you can as this will no doubt help to stabilise those emotions.

They also need boundaries and rules so establish personal boundaries as well as examining your morals and values.

Blaming or saying that one person is more at fault or damaged than another isn't productive or helpful. Greater understanding and awareness can happen when we learn to show and have empathy, consideration and compassion for everyone regardless of who they are or their situation. We don't help but only hinder one another when we pick each other to pieces. At the end of the day if someone really wants someone's help or input they will ask for it. A person has to want to recognise in order to become aware enough to choose to take the first step towards change. If someone doesn't want to change or seek help then leave them be as they are.

[Unseeking Seeker]

***

Love abounds but to receive, we must first be open to its benign offering without resistance. The ego interferes and often self-blocks remedies offered by the Universe.

***

[Sojourner2013]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

I need to express/vent.. whatever.

I have noticed a rather disturbing trend which has just recently surfaced...only in the past 5 years or so.

This trend sees the "victim" of narcissistic abuse being judged as 'asking for it' or 'inviting it' by showing a weakness of character. Thus, the traumatised person, who suffers from CPTSD by now, will be told that it was all their fault for "creating this reality" and asking for the abuse, so they should look within themselves to find out why because it is a "life lesson" they need to learn... meanwhile, the narcissist is given preferential empathy/sympathy..."poor narcissist...they must be SO traumatised to be a narcissistic person."

This is like telling a woman that she deserved to be raped because she wore a mini skirt.

Meanwhile, all the person with CPTSD can do is to say "f*** those 'spiritual people' who believe in all that bulls***. Let's go and speak to a psychologist who has been trained in such matters instead if I need to understand this".

Hi Shivani Devi,

From my viewpoint, there is more attention given to NPD because if the person is prone to narcissistic rage, damage and violence to self and others can be harmful, lethal and prolonged.

The Sensitive is an empath who feels others' pain and typically isn't going to be prone to harming others, due to their nature.

In regards to professional help, the Sensitives will usually seek out help first due to the Narcissist not being able to admit that there is a problem.

[Sojourner2013]

Originally Posted by SaraTherase

I agree that 'like attracts like'. Similarities may not appear obvious on the surface but you can be sure that internally there will be some mirroring and reflecting of one another going on.

The irony here is that we attract what we are to us but often we don't actually like who we are so right away we are going to see faults or find irritations and annoyances in the person we often attract. Thus we are presented with an opportunity to heal and learn from one another by recognizing that what we really don't like about the other person is really just showing all that we really don't like about ourselves.

The majority of people including myself have character disorders or defects that need to be worked through whether due to trauma, personality or illness. Psychological treatment without spirituality will not work and vice versa. I think more than a psychologist, what people really seek is a sounding board so that they can learn to discover and make sense of themselves for themselves. Seeing a psychologist will never work if one does not feel that sense of genuine care, interest and trust from the psychologist. Its sadly a system that is failing many because it is so impersonal and clinical.

My advice to anyone really struggling mentally would be to look at yourself like you would a young child. What does a young child need?

They need to be well cared for so make self care a real priority. Try to eat healthy, drink water, air out your house/room often and try your best to go outside everyday and get some light exercise.

They need healthy love so seek out people to connect with in a healthful way. Research ways in which you could help people to the best of your capability and find people to talk to and share things with.

They also need routine and stability so create a simple daily routine for yourself, keep it basic and realistic. Be open to trying meditation if you can as this will no doubt help to stabilise those emotions.

They also need boundaries and rules so establish personal boundaries as well as examining your morals and values.

Blaming or saying that one person is more at fault or damaged than another isn't productive or helpful. Greater understanding and awareness can happen when we learn to show and have empathy, consideration and compassion for everyone regardless of who they are or their situation. We don't help but only hinder one another when we pick each other to pieces. At the end of the day if someone really wants someone's help or input they will ask for it. A person has to want to recognise in order to become aware enough to choose to take the first step towards change. If someone doesn't want to change or seek help then leave them be as they are.

Hi SaraTherase,

Yes, yes, I agree with your statements. They are both in pain, but they are attempting to solve it externally.

There is a spiritual philosopher, whose name escapes me, but he basically says that each of us is capable of healing oneself. Socrates expressed something similar, "Physician, heal thyself." (I think, something like that).

Establishing boundaries is easier said than done, especially if you grew up in an environment that had none or very minimal boundaries. I find that people lacking boundaries have to be taught as if they were a newborn child.
They can't be taught within the toxic relationship because it would be like building a house starting with a livingroom, but no houseframe.


Also, the color of love is either non-existent or discolored by the parent(s) and caregivers in childhood, so a true sense of love is unknown and unidentifiable to both parties. You can't give your child a color to paint the world with if you don't have that color on your palette yourself. The child will hopefully find it from someone else as they get older and meet others. But there's the chance that it will resemble the same color that they grew up with.

[Sojourner2013]

Originally Posted by Unseeking Seeker

***

Love abounds but to receive, we must first be open to its benign offering without resistance. The ego interferes and often self-blocks remedies offered by the Universe.

***

Hi Unseeking Seeker,

I agree. In the Narcissist/Sensitive dynamic, the issue comes at the point of lacking trust in others. If you have a warped sense of love (often paired with pain), then trust becomes a foreign concept within relationships.

If you don't have a basis sense of trust, how do you learn to accept love from others as being safe or benign? That is where the blocks come in.

[ocean breeze]

I guess this is why i attract gorgeous women who are crazy and messed up on the inside.

After all, like attracts like.

[Miss Hepburn]

Sojourner....you seem brilliant on this subject, I must say.
Very impressive.