Hard to love others? Been lied to and betrayed? Step right up...let's help each other

[Tomma]

Originally Posted by inavalan

Interesting ... When I read this thread's title I expected an avalanche of well intended posters to profess their unconditional love, or at least wish to be headed there. I'm surprised!

I'll add that I think it's nice to love, it's nice to be loved, even nicer to love and be loved, but I don't believe "love" is something we incarnated to learn, because we've come from a place of non-dual love, on purpose, to experience duality.

I venture the idea that if humanity reached the level when everybody would love everybody, incarnating on Earth would stop, and it would be diverted toward better schools for souls' evolvement.

I agree with all of that. That's what I believe too.

[Emm]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Does that sound good?
Does to me!!!

Got any helpful insights or hints as to how to forgive even the worst hurts and slights?
Ha, and then move right on into Love, Kindness, Compassion and Understanding?

This is the place!

I think I was my own worst enemy. I was in the mindset that everyone was better than me, that what I had to offer was inferior so wasn't worth the effort to prove otherwise. Life was a competition and if there was no hope in succeeding then I wouldn't enter the game except to play the self pity role.

People were a reminder of how useless I was...my father was always studying, my brother multi talented...I loved them both dearly but not myself. My mother however was a simple soul, she knew how to love but not very bright. Wise at times just not so clever academically. Unfortunately I judged her and wanted her to do better...she must have felt very inadequate and inferior too through my behaviour but she never stopped loving and praising me when it was due. I just wish I had done the same for her...its funny how life mirrors things and we still miss the wisdom of it.

What I have learned is that I betrayed myself, being convinced I was useless I gave myself little opportunity to simply enjoy no matter outcome. It doesn't really matter how good you are compared to the rest of the world but how much enjoyment there is in following what you love, there is so much goodness in that, you are being Love. Once I realised this I could let go of the person I was and for once enjoy who I was being...enjoying the journey rather than the destination.

So for me forgiveness isn't something we do or strive for, its a natural outcome when we cease to see things a certain way, its a change of perspective which in turn means we've let go of an old pattern of thinking and embraced allowing things to be...it all has purpose.

[Miss Hepburn]

Wow, are there some great posts!

Maybe I can find time to comment on some, hope so...

-understanding the person
-change of perspective and an old pattern
-allowing things to be
-love isn't something we incarnated to learn
and much more here...great stuff...thank you all so far.

[God-Like]

Originally Posted by Baile

Miss Hepburn, maybe I'm weird or off or unenlightened! I feel I have plenty of compassion for people; for people who aren't in very good circumstances for example. I picked up a hitchhiker in a snow storm two years ago. He was trying to get to a city 400 miles away but had no money and hadn't eaten. I drove to the bank and gave him $100, then drove him to the bus station.

And I'm extremely conscious and kind to people I meet, and I'm light and funny and even go out of my way to brighten their day. Especially people in the service industry; I feel compassion for people who have to put up with the nonsense that service people put up with.

But in no way do I ever feel it necessary to love people. Just no. What I do is already enough! No!

That's Love Baby ..

There seems to be many strings to Love's bow ..

Sometimes being cruel to be kind is Love in action ..

I think the blissful Love bunny boat thing is a bit of a red herring in this world .

In other realms it is easier to love everybody because everybody is being themselves so to speak beyond the veil of ignorance .

It is easy to love your neighbour who isn't causing suffering to another or to you .

You will find many conversations had of peeps who claim to be all floaty and loving to all and come a little unstuck when presented with hypothetical situations of abuse and such likes .

To love everyone, one must see love in everything .

You won't see love in action when a child is being abused by the hand of another .

There won't be a happy smiley guru type loving them do that ..

Like said, this world is a reflection of love and fear and all that jazz, so when a bliss bunny peep witnesses this world full of dual expressions then they will receive dual judgements in reflection of them .





x daz x

[peteyzen]

Ask yourself what part of you is hurt by other peoples actions, when you truly understand what part it is, then you can start to move on.

[Starman]

I mentioned that I was in an institution as a child; I went back to that institution as an adult, after getting a grad degree in social work, and I worked there. It was really something to work with kids who were in the same situation, at the same institution that I was in as a kid. I let them know that I had been in that institution as a kid also. It was like "full-circle" work, and the kids, without even knowing, helped me to better understand myself.

Sometimes kids would act out, throw a tantrum, yell, etc., and I would grab them to keep them from hurting themselves. I began to notice when I grabbed them and held them close with both arms around them, they would snuggle against me and calm down. It dawned on me that all most of them wanted was a hug, and coming out of a dysfunctional family many did not know how to ask for a hug, so they acted out, hoping someone would grab them and hug them.

The social workers had a saying, "children do not need to behave to be loved but they need to be loved to behave." I would say that this saying can also apply to adults. People generally interpret what love is differently. Lots of people believe that love is when you buy a person a gift. If you loved me you will do this or that. But I have found that love is a presence that stands alone on its' own without any interpretation.

If I have to keep telling a person that I love them it may be because they don't feel love coming from me. Love for the sake of love and no other reason. I believe that we are here to spread love, to bring the Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth, while we are still in human form. Love is the currency of life and how we spend it will determine our true wealth.

P.S. We can transform others just with our presence, without saying or doing anything. If we can be effected by a person's presence (vibe) negatively then we can also be uplifted by a person's presence. Spiritual teachers, Sat-gurus in India and elsewhere, can transform a person while the teacher, and student, are sitting still and saying nothing; it is called "darshan." With a regular deepening of our own spiritual presence we can do that as well. In fact, beyond words or actions, I don't think we actually know how we effect others.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by God-Like

That's Love Baby ..

Thank you. My compassion has been expanding since I started putting food out for the animals. I feel so much love and compassion for these creatures. The beautiful birds that come to eat! I put apples out for the deer in the back, and we have staring contests from a distance, but they don't run off! And the sweetest porcupine comes up on the deck every night for its seeds, my heart melts for that creature, so cute, so innocent, I have come close to tears a couple times watching it eat.

I typed all that and then realized I said "love" for animals. Interesting...

[God-Like]

Originally Posted by peteyzen

Ask yourself what part of you is hurt by other peoples actions, when you truly understand what part it is, then you can start to move on.

When you witness others suffering by the hands of others one can understand the values behind experiencing suffering but what does one do in the immediate?

Stand idly by and do nothing?

What would you do if there was a child being abused right in front of your eyes?

When you say you can move on from the hurt that is felt by such actions what does that mean or suggest the next time a similar situation comes your way .

Are you to standby and do nothing to protect the child from abuse .

What does this love for everyone mean at the end of the day?

What I propose is that one cannot move on from what one feels in regards to sufferings experienced and observed .

Peeps can forgive peeps for a manner of all things and forgiveness is an expression of love but in the immediate one acts upon what is morally right or wrong ..

I suggest that there are no lovers of everyone that stands by and watches sufferings idly .

Can you explain what you mean about moving on in these instances?


x daz x

[SerendipityLizard]

I won’t talk about the trauma I had in this life here. I feel that I’ve already had space to talk about that in a few forums, and to many friends outside this site. I hadn’t had a space before that would believe about my past life traumas though, and I want to make use of it.

I was ambitious in many past lives, and I still am. In some of these lives, the ambition was out of pure need for service for others. Naturally I’d attract some enemies with my intensity. I’ve seen it in many lives over and over again. I take risks to explore, but those around me become too cautious and decide to abandon me out of fear. I speak out differently, but what happens is that I attract enemies or even lose my livelihood.

My thrillseeking didn’t mean at all that I was fully confident or fully put together. In reality, I was afraid. I was always afraid. But I liked it. I liked it very much. Even if I was pretty sure I wanted company. And it made me grow as much as it broke me. On some lives, I reach high ambitions and share them with others. In others, I fail, become bankrupt and die in isolation. There is not much in between. Steady routinely lives don’t happen much for me.

How did I react to others who disrespected and hated me? I guess I just stuck to proving them wrong. I work against their ideas by focusing on the exact things they didn’t want me to do. Love? I am a lot more compassionate now than in many lifetimes today —slowly softening and gentling up my approach to things as I grow to be an older soul. But I do still have the same attitude in essence.

If I do something for others, then it’s something I also want to enjoy for myself. Either I pick a win win or I look for another area of service I’d actually be passionate in. The best acts of compassion are often those that don’t require long term sacrifice, so I bet my butt off that I’ll look for areas like that.

This doesn’t mean I’ll gain absolutely no disadvantages or end up getting hurt for someone else, but my goal never was a calm stable life. I define sacrifice as having to make slow meaningless movement in life than a nice, fast, and exciting one. If I’m going to get hurt for others along the way, then might as well look for ways to be hurt that can make the journey absolutely entertaining.

To be curious is a kind of love that is different from others. It doesn’t look for good or bad events. All it wants is simply to know — whether it’s trying to fulfill ambitions out of my own sense of wonder, or discovering a person’s deepest secrets despite their flaws.

Somehow my love for pursuing a goal just transfers to love of the people around it. After all, often the best way of going for something means you need to cooperate with people, instead of isolating yourself for a selfish need for competition. I guess you don’t have to learn to love everybody, but you can at least learn to love those with a shared meaning or purpose, and then they’ll get to love more the people you don’t as you do those they hate.

Splitting the task for everybody, huh? Haha.

Haha, I guess my experience is different since my soul’s journey has been more about softening up than toughening up, but here you go, buddy. That’s my story.

[Ariaecheflame]

As a kid I was intuitive (someone touched on understanding others).

I seemed to be good at picking up the inner workings of other people's lives and their deeper pain and it often helped me to understand why they would respond the way they did.

I did not have an easy childhood and as an adult I was left dealing and healing from the consequences of neglect and trauma.

Always though I had a sense that I was loved and protected.

And my intuitive nature so seemed to protect me as well as it allowed me to be compassionate towards others even when through them responding to their inner turmoil it would cause me suffering.

As I became an adult though I had found that I had shut off this natural intuitive ability but through years of reconnecting to myself it has helped me to UNDERSTAND on a more mature and conscious level.