Do I even deserve healing?

[SerendipityLizard]

Sometimes I’m not convinced I am. I feel like I’m taking too much space to ask for help here, but my guides said that any spirit I’ll be a medium of won’t answer any questions until I ask help for myself — so . . . I guess there’s not much else I can do.

Let’s get to the point. I just found out from AA Michael that before I awakened, much of my own childhood traumas were created from interacting with high powered negative entities without knowing — tricked me as a kid in believing they were my imaginary friends. They’ve left me now, but I’m still affected by them. Haha, I’m a lot better these days . . . but sometimes I relapse, and this is one of those days.

Sorry, I’m not exactly sure what to say. I dislike long repetitve posts and think every word has to be essential, but I guess what I wanted to say . . . is that sometimes because of that I still think I’m some kind of monster. That I haven’t tried enough to improve. That all this progress is made from luck, the people or the entities who’d help me.

Haha, I know a lot of the people I’ve helped are grateful to me — here, real life, and other forums, but really — I rather not hear anything good about me. It feels like I’m a fraud. A liar. A cheat.

Sigh. I can’t get these words out of my head sometimes. Can’t even pick myself up and move on. I have all the spiritual resources to gain a lot of healing energies, and I’m sure my body can take the higher vibrations these have now from experience.

But I’m suffering because I’m consciously rejecting them. My body’s aching and tightening because I’m fighting over their influence. I chose otherwise from my own free will.

I’m nothing great. Just someone who’s trying to get through life, and hoping I disappear into silence.

[God-Like]

I watched 15 mins of this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPRvISGYm9Y and he explains the multi faceted mental blocks that we attain from childhood and past lives . As a healer myself I understand how becoming free of all these hangups are essential . Trying to understand self and one's bigger picture in regards to healing is a big ask and a big task lol .

This is why so many peeps are lost unto themselves, they don't know where they are so to speak .

I would say that if a peep really has the intention to know self / heal self then that is what one should do .

That has been my journey and it is still ongoing on in different ways .

I heard a sitter say the other day in a leslie flint seance that how fortunate it was for peeps to have the means to travel the world and do all these types of things .. and was met with an answer from spirit ''how so'''? What is fortunate about having the mind filled with unimportant things .. lol ..


x daz x

[Compendium]

SL everyone deserves healing from the lowest, worse parts of humanity to the highest. Divinity resides in all of us as we are all a part of God. We carry apart of God within us into every incarnation of every existence we have ever lived. Would you deny God healing? If the answer is No then ask why would you deny the part of God within you healing. That same part we carry is our connection to source it is a direct part of our Creator. When you hurt so does the Creator. Love is the most important energy we can both share and receive and if you wouldnt deny someone even the worst of the worst love then why would you deny yourself.

Open up sweety and accept the healing your Godself deserves it. If you ever need to talk you can always PM me. One of my jobs as a lightworker is to help others shoulder their burdens until they can put them down and I am always here to listen and help.

Namaste`

[VanGoGurl]

SL,

I am so sorry you are having a rough time. I completely understand where you are coming from. Literally. Some of the things you post is similar to me. You are not alone. As I said in a previous post to you, it can be very overwhelming. When I “woke up” I had a hard time at first understanding my “gifts”. That’s what I was referring to before about some funny stories about my misunderstandings. Let’s just say I ended up taking a ride in an ambulance because I thought I was dying. LOL. Very embarrassing. Of course from a medium standpoint of not understanding the art of Telepathy/Clairaudience I can only imagine what my “guide or guides” who may or not have been there at that time were thinking. I don’t really want to know....horrifically embarrassed. I am just telling you this because, first so you can laugh me and others who read this. You guys on this forum probably have had those moments as well.

I have also been at the receiving end of negative entities bullying too. They basically go for the jugular. I am wondering those words you keep hearing in your head, as being clairaudient, can you tell if its them saying it or is it coming in you mind like sort of out of the blue. Is it out of characteristic for you to think that way. The reason I am asking is because these negs depending on their “power” have that capability putting thoughts in your head. It’s happened to me and is still happening to me. The channeled message from Lord Krishna has helped.

You are doing the right thing reaching out. It’s hard if you do not have a “lifeline” that is close to you. I am not a professional medium and only a couple people close to me know that I am. I am still paranoid that people may judge me and think that I am crazy. YOU are a empath. All this negativity with the negs and energy work can be exhausting if you let it get to you. Try to find some sort of balance that you enjoy that makes you feel better.

Please respond to the PM I sent I sent you. You don’t have to of course if you are not up to it. Anytime you want to PM me...know that you can...

I hope you feel better..

Love and light to you,

V

[Melahin]

Originally Posted by SerendipityLizard

It feels like I’m a fraud. A liar. A cheat.

Only because you have practiced another vibration for so long that you started to believe that is the reality, when you know it is only a reality. Your new one simply is just in the stage of being a bit unfamiliar to what else you have convinced yourself of, you know that (deep down), so allow yourself to feel what you feel, and then release it and move on. Then you will find healing in yourself, rather than from other great loving beings

[Miss Hepburn]

Oh boy, what a classic trick of the egoic mind...to make a person think they are unworthy of anything.
We deserve everything wonderful here or anywhere always...especially to know the Truth and
not the nonsense the ego tricks us into believing.
My take.

[Shinsoo]

Maybe just order yourself to be healed. Force yourself to ask and accept it. See what happens when you do. What comes up, what you feel. If you feel it helped you or if it didn't?

I am sure AA Michael would be happy to have you accept healing from someone else--he can always make you, lol

[SerendipityLizard]

@Godlike, I guess I’ll try to realize the importance of the essential then. It’ll help direct me to what I need to know. Thanks.

@Compedium, hmm, I’ve never really thought of it that way. I’ve been taught to know how to love by seeing God in others, but for some reason I’ve forgotten it in myself.

@VanGoGurl - Thanks for sharing your experience. Sometimes I feel embarrassed that way myself, haha. I’m able to tell who’s speaking to me with my clairaudience very well — some negs can stretch their vibration to copy others, but I’m lucky to be very sensitive to this difference.

@Melahin — healing from myself, huh? I’ve been letting it out through tears for 3 hours straight. Michael was there the whole time speaking to me in a gentle and soft voice loving affirmations. Maybe I can do it alone, but maybe it’s better off to gain love both from others and myself.

@Trinity — He can actually force me to accept healing. Free will is defined as solely by what your Higher Self wants, and since he’s my Higher Self, he has a certain level of control on what I can do.

We absorb each other’s emotions after all — not too far to say that eventually I start absorbing his compassion for me to take care of myself more.

Free will is funny. If he’s me in a way, does that mean he’s taking away my free will? Eh, doesn’t matter much. If we feel emotions similarly in that we gain the exact motivations, I don’t think I mind much. It still feels like my decision.

@To all. I guess I’m alright now. All your posts have touched me deeply, and I guess letting it all out made me feel much better. I’ve never felt so healed and complete in a long time. I’m alright now, but for now, I think I’ll just give myself more of a break.

To be honest, I’m a little uneasy about something. I have no idea what, but I guess I’m still a little shy about being emotionally vulnerable. Glad you guys managed to get through to me gently. Maybe I’ll get it out there.

See you. :) .

[Melahin]

Originally Posted by SerendipityLizard

@Melahin — healing from myself, huh? I’ve been letting it out through tears for 3 hours straight. Michael was there the whole time speaking to me in a gentle and soft voice loving affirmations. Maybe I can do it alone, but maybe it’s better off to gain love both from others and myself.

I will be blunt here for a moment. I rarely do this, and you might understand why? There are plenty of things I do not say here because your HS asks me not to. But not out of respect, but out of kindness. As a scientist you might understand this, that everything is vibration. So where your focus goes energy flows. Your healing comes from being at peace with yourself. Not from some ancient dude pouring healing energies into you. Others can do nice stuff that makes you feel good about yourself, which then connects you to you. When you connect to yourself, what you call healing occurs. It is not magic or some great science, it is nature

[SerendipityLizard]

Originally Posted by Melahin

I will be blunt here for a moment. I rarely do this, and you might understand why? There are plenty of things I do not say here because your HS asks me not to. But not out of respect, but out of kindness. As a scientist you might understand this, that everything is vibration. So where your focus goes energy flows. Your healing comes from being at peace with yourself. Not from some ancient dude pouring healing energies into you. Others can do nice stuff that makes you feel good about yourself, which then connects you to you. When you connect to yourself, what you call healing occurs. It is not magic or some great science, it is nature

It’s alright to be blunt. I like blunt. Though I’m glad you didn’t make it too far. I’m still recovering emotionally a little. Thanks. But I did say healing comes from both me and others. Even if it ultimately comes from myself, it also comes more naturally with other’s help.

I believed in the same thing you did when you typed that. I guess it was just a misunderstanding. I do take ideas a little literally in very precise ways when people don’t usually think that precisely. I’m a bit lacking with a sense of context sometimes — autism, you know? Oh boy, you don’t know how many people I accidentally got angry with my cluelessness.

Sorry, I think I have to work on the idea that not every word I hear from a person works like a computer program, but oh well. Man, was I too blunt again? How can I improve? This balance between straightforwardness and politeness is confusing. I mean I can sense people’s emotions with their vibrations, but that doesn’t mean I can manage to intellectually understand quickly people’s reasons behind these emotions. And acting on it right? Well, it’s harder.

Besides, my social skills get worse when I’m tired, and while usually I’ve gotten enough social skills training to hide my condition well, I was uhh . . . pretty tired when I typed that. And if I did something wrong again, sorry. I’ve been watching a show on Netflix and sometimes understanding people’s intentions on shows is confusing even if I enjoy the process— can’t even sense their vibration because they’re not real people.

My brain is exhausted from that, but hey, I try not to have too high standards for how I relate to people. Is there a hidden social rule for talking too long here? I can’t tell.

But thanks.