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  #11  
Old 18-01-2014, 10:49 PM
RedEmbers RedEmbers is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A human Being
Not at all, much of what you said makes perfect sense to me! And the bits that don't, hopefully will in time, if and when I experience the truth of them for myself.

I'm curious about this 'sterotypical soul connection awakening' you had -go on, elaborate, I'm curious. Whether it happens on the north face of the Eiger, or while you're lying in bed, the location isn't particularly relevant. It can happen while you're doing the dishes, it's still an amazing feeling.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean about signs and symbols (can you give me an example of two?), but I'll tell you briefly about my awakening - I was lying in bed at about five in the morning, it was summer and light out, and I couldn't get back to sleep. I'd completely lost my faith and believed I lived in a Godless universe; I felt absolutely hopeless, that life was a meaningless, painful ordeal and I couldn't see a reason for living any more. And then I just stopped struggling, because I felt like I couldn't win no matter how much I struggled.

The transition to a state of bliss was imperceptible (because my mind became silent, I think), but somehow or other it happened, and suddenly I found myself stood at the window, gazing out onto the street with this feeling of peace and profound happiness. The world wasn't this hostile, loveless place I'd built it up to be, it was beautiful and benign and I felt blessed to be alive.

Another poster (I forget who, sorry if you're reading this) posted up this video of Louis CK talking about surrendering to the sadness inside, the 'forever empty' as he calls it, and he absolutely nails it for me. He talks about feeling blessed to have felt this beautiful sorrow, and I know just what he means. And yet we're forever fighting it, for fear of annihilation maybe.

I'm quoting you alot today lol- I keep getting sidetracked!

I found it interesting how your transition seemed rather seamless-(I am guessing there would have been quite a build up before that moment at 5am though) it seemed like a short and sweet 'aha' moment (sorry to quote Oprah lol) as though the pieces just suddenly fit for you- I like that.

I was going to elaborate for you on the soul connection thing- and the symbols- (I'll try, its a tad embarrassing lol).
I guess what the initial connection sparked was kundalini awakening- (which correct me if I am wrong is awakening of the feminine?). The most intense part of it lasted 3 months-
I could not shake this attachment I felt for the connection after approx 4 years of even having contact- we were just friends (I didn't initially feel a romantic attachment) which made it stranger- it was starting to cause me emotional pain until it finally prompted me to start meditating- I remember just so desperately wanting to let go and forget about it all Ha ha ha ha- no way in hell was spirit going to let that happen!
Alot of the symbols of kundalini (that I am aware of) are of a sort of sacred sexual nature- I guess. So the first biggie is the coiled Serpent which in my case was a hibernating snake stuck in a zip tied sandwich bag - I remember thinking what the heck?!, who'd put a snake in a bag haha?!! (Off topic it made me angry cause I'd seen a dead goanna at a national park someone had tied in a bag and lit on fire a few months prior)
Kundalini is all about harmonising masculine feminine energy (isn't it?! As you can see I am an expert) Lol - so mostly alot of those sorts of symbols arose- here is a link- http://www.northernway.org/presentat...odwife/23.html
The Star of David was a big one :)

Second biggy was the divine marriage- (more yin yang stuff) that and I was doing a design course at the time (landscape design) and I was working on a rustic style bush garden- I'd finished the design - only to look at it and realise I'd basically subconsciously drawn a garden that looked like a giant uterus lol (rebirth)
hehe- also I noticed I was attracted to music and artwork which reflected this rebirth theme as well- lots of landscapes that looked like female anatomy lol.
There was a tonne of other symbols as well which at the time really caught me off guard- mostly because nobody really talks about it in the western world-
I suppose if I had an interest and background in yoga I may have had some sort of understanding- but my background was completely fundamentalist Christian - alot of valuable information has been omitted from western religion.

I hope that sort of cleared it up a bit for you
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  #12  
Old 19-01-2014, 03:23 AM
silent whisper
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[quote=A human Being]That's what I'm finding, yeah. I keep saying 'just let go, just let go,' but something stops me, and it's exactly that fear of losing control. And giving up the story is a big part of letting go; the more I practice being present, the more I see how I try to construct a narrative instead of letting things be as they are. Letting go - seems so hard, feels so good.

Yes that makes sense to me through those deeper letting go spaces I had to face, my immediate response in that fear space was to create meaning to the fear by telling myself stories and ideas about the *feeling*, when it was just my feeling of fear and letting go that was coming up to release. It was easier to enjoy the beautiful sorrow of the surface layers but the core layers where that *greater hold* sits is what unearths our greatest fears and control.. For me in time and integration it felt like the ultimate surrender, terrifying at times but very rewarding..and beautiful sorrow once you know your safe enough to release it..
It was interesting today, I was out and about reflecting my fear space amidst some old spaces that I once locked fear and stories in place. Today I found my own story self creating around my feeling, I became aware of myself immediately and turned around to a sign nearby..immediately I saw
the word STOP in big bold lettering. I then listened to my feeling and stopped the story and found my centre again..almost as quick as the feeling arose.


I get the beautiful sorrow thing when I'm listening to certain music (eg Radiohead or Smashing Pumpkins), it's funny because my mates listen to it and they say it's wrist-slitting music whereas I find it both sad and oddly uplifting. It's kind of cathartic I guess, but I think my mates live in fear of the 'forever empty' so they deny those feelings even exist.

Yes music can open that doorway in very profound ways. Songs have stories and emotions one with the melody and lyrics and singer so naturally we tune in to pick up our own subtle layers one with that space in reflection..
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  #13  
Old 19-01-2014, 04:48 AM
GoldenLioness GoldenLioness is offline
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My awakening began with the loss of many things I attached to my ego. I had a run-in with the law and lost a sense of self and freedom. I felt dead for a bit, lost, confused, and sad. But then I began meditating, which I had done previously about 8 months before but had given up, and I noticed I had a change in perspective. I looked into chakras and began working with my root. Shortly after, I had my kundalini awakening. For me, as well, it was completely new territory. It turned my life inside up and outside down, and continues to do so today.
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  #14  
Old 19-01-2014, 12:15 PM
A human Being A human Being is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colorful-Chameleon
A Human Being (hello there)- thanks for sharing a little part of your journey- how long before you went through that transition had you been feeling like you had lost your faith? it seems to be that most people come in to the world with a huge stock faith but it gradually starts to decline over the years due to personal and social experiences -I was a very spiritual kid with alot of faith in god/universe (I guess most kids are really) and I can sort of see now why I choose to incarnate into my environment- with my families particular karma- as lonely as my experience could be at times- it facilitated alot of healing within the family unit- and even in a slighter sense the systems I was raised in- particularly the church (I was born into the church as they were going through a massive spiritual transformation) and it all served as a training ground to help me with my overall purpose.

What you said about "beautiful sorrow" resonated with me also- there comes a time when we have nowhere left to run or hide from those deep hurts- and being able to be fully present with it gives it a chance to transform - the strength of our resilience and our ability to rise from the depths is a wonderfully inspiring thing.
I had a Christian upbringing, so as a kid I believed in God I guess, because my parents did. I stopped believing in the Christian narrative when I heard about the big bang theory at school, I think - I trusted the scientific explanation more for whatever reason (it didn't occur to me that the big bang theory doesn't necessarily exclude God). From quite a young age I thought that it wasn't enough to blindly believe in God, you've got to experience it first hand to truly know it. It's only when you see God in yourself that you're really free.
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  #15  
Old 19-01-2014, 12:38 PM
A human Being A human Being is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colorful-Chameleon
I'm quoting you alot today lol- I keep getting sidetracked!

I found it interesting how your transition seemed rather seamless-(I am guessing there would have been quite a build up before that moment at 5am though) it seemed like a short and sweet 'aha' moment (sorry to quote Oprah lol) as though the pieces just suddenly fit for you- I like that.

I was going to elaborate for you on the soul connection thing- and the symbols- (I'll try, its a tad embarrassing lol).
I guess what the initial connection sparked was kundalini awakening- (which correct me if I am wrong is awakening of the feminine?). The most intense part of it lasted 3 months-
I could not shake this attachment I felt for the connection after approx 4 years of even having contact- we were just friends (I didn't initially feel a romantic attachment) which made it stranger- it was starting to cause me emotional pain until it finally prompted me to start meditating- I remember just so desperately wanting to let go and forget about it all Ha ha ha ha- no way in hell was spirit going to let that happen!
Alot of the symbols of kundalini (that I am aware of) are of a sort of sacred sexual nature- I guess. So the first biggie is the coiled Serpent which in my case was a hibernating snake stuck in a zip tied sandwich bag - I remember thinking what the heck?!, who'd put a snake in a bag haha?!! (Off topic it made me angry cause I'd seen a dead goanna at a national park someone had tied in a bag and lit on fire a few months prior)
Kundalini is all about harmonising masculine feminine energy (isn't it?! As you can see I am an expert) Lol - so mostly alot of those sorts of symbols arose- here is a link- http://www.northernway.org/presentat...odwife/23.html
The Star of David was a big one :)

Second biggy was the divine marriage- (more yin yang stuff) that and I was doing a design course at the time (landscape design) and I was working on a rustic style bush garden- I'd finished the design - only to look at it and realise I'd basically subconsciously drawn a garden that looked like a giant uterus lol (rebirth)
hehe- also I noticed I was attracted to music and artwork which reflected this rebirth theme as well- lots of landscapes that looked like female anatomy lol.
There was a tonne of other symbols as well which at the time really caught me off guard- mostly because nobody really talks about it in the western world-
I suppose if I had an interest and background in yoga I may have had some sort of understanding- but my background was completely fundamentalist Christian - alot of valuable information has been omitted from western religion.

I hope that sort of cleared it up a bit for you
It's funny, because when you're not looking for it, it does seem to happen in a moment, but of course it's really the end of a long process - or it was in my case, anyway. I'd lost my faith, I lost any self-belief I had quite early on, and I didn't see much value in the materialistic society I lived in, either. So I believed in nothing, I was very cynical and nihilistic about humanity and the apparent absurdity of existence.

Thanks for the info, it's very useful because I've been experiencing intense kundalini recently - I knew a bit about the chakras but I don't know about the masculine and feminine side of it. It's interesting because although I'm a man, I've always felt quite sensitive, and I usually find it easier to talk to women, because they're more open with their feelings I guess (a lot of men are like good poker players, I never know what they're thinking - and that could make me very nervous around them in the past).

How funny that you subconsciously drew a uterus Do you think that had anything to do with your friend and (if I'm reading this right) your frustrated desire?
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  #16  
Old 19-01-2014, 12:50 PM
A human Being A human Being is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silent whisper
Yes that makes sense to me through those deeper letting go spaces I had to face, my immediate response in that fear space was to create meaning to the fear by telling myself stories and ideas about the *feeling*, when it was just my feeling of fear and letting go that was coming up to release. It was easier to enjoy the beautiful sorrow of the surface layers but the core layers where that *greater hold* sits is what unearths our greatest fears and control.. For me in time and integration it felt like the ultimate surrender, terrifying at times but very rewarding..and beautiful sorrow once you know your safe enough to release it..
It was interesting today, I was out and about reflecting my fear space amidst some old spaces that I once locked fear and stories in place. Today I found my own story self creating around my feeling, I became aware of myself immediately and turned around to a sign nearby..immediately I saw
the word STOP in big bold lettering. I then listened to my feeling and stopped the story and found my centre again..almost as quick as the feeling arose.


Yes music can open that doorway in very profound ways. Songs have stories and emotions one with the melody and lyrics and singer so naturally we tune in to pick up our own subtle layers one with that space in reflection..
What a great little happening that was! No ambiguity there, just 'STOP' on a big red sign Yeah I think this is the power of being the witness to yourself, watching how your mind operates - I was judging myself for it at first, but now I take an interest in it and go 'ah, I see what I'm doing here.' Interesting to see how your body mirrors your state of mind as well, when you're generating thoughts in ignorance of your physical state you also generate tension, unease, resistance (all the same thing ultimately) unconsciously.

Thing I've come to appreciate about music is the relationship between the performer and the listener, and the communication of an emotion or thought.
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  #17  
Old 19-01-2014, 01:04 PM
A human Being A human Being is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenLioness
My awakening began with the loss of many things I attached to my ego. I had a run-in with the law and lost a sense of self and freedom. I felt dead for a bit, lost, confused, and sad. But then I began meditating, which I had done previously about 8 months before but had given up, and I noticed I had a change in perspective. I looked into chakras and began working with my root. Shortly after, I had my kundalini awakening. For me, as well, it was completely new territory. It turned my life inside up and outside down, and continues to do so today.
That's generally how it happens I think. My mate's apartment got burned down towards the end of 2012 and it hit him like a ton of brings, he was in shock as you would be; for a while it must have felt like his world had ended, because he'd put a lot of work into his apartment and unconsciously I'm sure it was a part of his identity. I noticed a change in him though, after a day or two - he'd, say, look at his nieces with a different look (he usually looked at them as noisy little irritants), he seemed to be more present.

When you lose something big and really feel the pain of the loss, you come out of the other side and realise that who you really are hasn't changed, you're still intact, and that's a liberating realisation.
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  #18  
Old 19-01-2014, 10:36 PM
GoldenLioness GoldenLioness is offline
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A human Being I do agree. The loss of something that you attached to yourself as "I" creates a confusion in identity, ultimately leading to consciousness, presence, and a new beginning.
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  #19  
Old 20-01-2014, 11:35 AM
A human Being A human Being is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenLioness
A human Being I do agree. The loss of something that you attached to yourself as "I" creates a confusion in identity, ultimately leading to consciousness, presence, and a new beginning.
When you lose something that's important to you, it feels dreadful and unbearable at first - to all intents and purposes, the world's ended. But then time passes and oh look, the world hasn't ended at all. Then you see what's real.
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  #20  
Old 20-01-2014, 11:46 AM
RedEmbers RedEmbers is offline
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Hehe AHB your post made me blush a tiny bit (I must be a tad prudish lol)-
The obsession with uterus's were just a representation of my spiritual rebirth- emerging from the womb reborn- renewed and all that. I think I was more so dealing with the overwhelming - beautiful and painful love I was feeling so that kind of downplayed the physical frustration hehe.

Interesting about what you said about preferring female friends- for the longest time I was exactly the opposite- preferring the company of males as it was less threatening for me because I didn't feel pressured to be overly emotional- I could get away with acting cold and crass- looking back I realise that I was just fearful of the power of my emotions. t has been the more sensitive partners and friends I have drawn in who have played big roles in allowing me to explore emotions in their often bipolarish state lol!
I really feel a sense of sadness for men in our society at times- because emotional expression has not been encouraged for them.

Actually interestingly enough (on the religion topic) - now that my anger towards organised religion (particularly Christianity) has healed- I find myself with a keen interest in Gnosticism - I'm quite fascinated by the origins of modern religions before all the fear and oppression clouded them.

Golden lioness- your experience sounds somewhat familiar- it must have been quite a shock to your system to have the rug pulled out from underneath you like that.

Thank you everyone for your input, I appreciate it :)
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