''Yes, I do believe in fate''

You were coming down the hallway and wanted to talk to a colleague. I was new there, standing by the colleague. I saw you coming down and I was wondering: ''Who's that guy and what does he want?''.

The next day when I came in I went in the employees' kitchen. You were just coming in, all sweaty from arriving on your bike. I asked you what your name was again. I thought: ''That guy's got a little something I like''.

You always hung out near my desk to talk, swiftly escaping through the side door when your boss came looking for you. One day we talked about a strange inscription written on a wall near a bus station. It was from a guy who had seen a girl while there and was asking her to come and meet him on an impossible date, September 31st, if only she believed in fate. We talked about the meaning of that inscription. You asked me if I believed in chance meetings, in fate.

I said ''yes, I do believe in fate.''

We fell in love. We made out in the conference room.

We kept it low key even if it was obvious to many and when we changed jobs, we started dating. You were brilliant, sexy, a true leader, a physical and mental force of nature. One of a kind.

We had the same curiosity for knowledge, the same easy bantering humour, a similar spirit. You taught me your language and I taught you mine. We laughted a lot. I taught you how to use your imagination, you taught me how to behave socially.

But you loved differently from me. You had some kind of crust around your heart. You were more independant than I was, you didn't like to show emotions, only sometimes. It was difficult for both of us, to meet halfway in intimacy. You never said ''I love you''. You hated if I asked you to say it. ''It's kitschy and unnecessary'', you said.

Things were good, things were bad. We travelled, we changed jobs, we lived together, we fought, we made up, we discovered new things, we met people.

Things became more difficult when you got sick.

You fought a lot and you accomplished great things. There were terrible ups and down. Things happened that hurt us. I saw you cry for the first time with tears running down, I saw you helpless. One day, you said to me ''I love you'' of your own accord.

You died still young while I was holding your arm. You waited to die until I could sit down and put my arm on you. I'm sure of that now, that you waited for me.

I never met someone whose presence made me so happy and complete, in spite of our differences. Never found someone more brilliant, funnier than you. Never had a better friend.

You felt bad when we were cooped up together towards the end. You figured I wanted to go out and enjoy life, but I was so happy just being with you, feeding you mangoes, watching TV with you, touching you when I heard your breathing stop at night.

It's been some time now you're gone and I wonder if I will meet someone again in this life with whom I can share something like what we had. There are 7 billion people on this planet and I wonder that. Surely there must be people who are smarter, funnier, sexier, stronger, more loving than you but it seems nobody would quite match what I had with you that way. Or I can never meet them.

I wonder a lot about what we had. Why do I remember the exact moment I saw you, exactly ten years ago yesterday? What happened to us? What the f... was that we went through? It was huge, it was intense, it was terrible. It changed my life. And yours too, I guess.

Can something like that happen again but finish differently this time around and not hurt so much? Or was it just this one time, a once in a lifetime experience?

[Jatd]

Wow. Thats all I can say is wow. My heart hurts after reading your post. I don't even know what to say other than this was beautiful. You are a beautful soul.

Solitude --

Tears ran the three different times I read this.

I'm sorry for your loss. But I'm happy for the love you experienced.

I think you're right to sense that this isn't likely to happen again.

But something different, unique and as wonderful in its own way surely can.

Originally Posted by Misha

Solitude --

Tears ran the three different times I read this.

I'm sorry for your loss. But I'm happy for the love you experienced.

I think you're right to sense that this isn't likely to happen again.

But something different, unique and as wonderful in its own way surely can.

Nicely said - Thankyou for sharing your story solitude - much love to you xox

Originally Posted by Solitude

Can something like that happen again but finish differently this time around and not hurt so much?

My answer is absolutely YES.
My mother felt the same way as you when my father passed away from cancer. She also asked the same questions.

Your love definitely waited for you so he can be with you before he takes his last breath.

Your story reminded me of my parents’ last moments together. I have not thought about that for a long time.
My father’s condition suddenly became critically when my mother was away in a different country.
My father also waited for her so they can say their last words. He hung on for almost a day and as soon as they were together, they had their last moments for just few moments and he died in my mother’s arms. They were still young too in their 40’s. It broke my mom's heart into pieces.

I do not just believe in fate. I KNOW the existence of fate.

After my father passed away, my stepfather came into my mom’s life. It was not expected event. Although he was a very different man than my dad, he loved her very much. It was a great love story as well and definitely based on a fate. He loved her and cared for her until she died.

You will love again. Your new love will be just as deeper with different shapes and colors. Nevertheless, it will be just joyful and meaningful. You will be loved again.

Thank you.

And Nada, your words give me encouragement and make a lot of sense, thank you.

Your story is very powerful, Solitude. You're an amazing writer and you can tell it all came from the depth of your soul. I've learned a lesson from your story and I feel for you all the way. :*

Keep your head up & never stop believing.

It means a lot to me what you say because I'm an unpublished writer of a novel and short stories. But I haven't written anything autbiographical yet, just snippets.

I'd be curious to read what lesson my experience taught you. Each story inspires something different in every one. I'm glad if it inspired or taught readers in some small way.