Anxious/Avoidant attachment is falsely labeled as twin flames.

[ForgedInFire]

So i've been thinking lately about how someone can mistake a person for being a "twin flame".

We all know the same old tired and over played out "story"

Hes with someone else and wont leave that person for me.
He only gives "crumbs" and withdraws again.
Hes a runner

He he he. obsess obsess obsess. hes my twin flame! Ive never felt like this about anybody before.. blah blah blah

For far too long "twin flame teachers" have been enabling too many people who have an anxious/avoidant attachment relationship to think "he's my twin flame"

This is a well documented occurrence that all human being have. It is also biologically hardwired in all humans.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWQ4flhTxkk

I think it is no coincidence that far too many things between anxious/avoidant attachment relationships and "twin flames" are exactly the same.

It is no coincidence that we are seeing the very same happening in the "twin flame" community as what is outlined in the video.

The only difference is one is thoroughly documented and researched while the other is some spiritually branded made up "theory" with no proof of any kind other then "feelings" and "signs"

so what do you think about "twin flames" now huh?

I see so many out there saying there "no logical explanation" for what these so called "twin flames" are experiencing..but there actually is.. anxious/avoidant attachment relationships. And there is nothing "twin flame" about it at all.

Interesting.

However, tired as the stories may be, it's a boon* that people can come here with their successes and failures to talk. The forum comes with a certain anonymity in that people don't have to reveal their "birth certificate" names so those with their stories can pour out to "strangers with some level of sympathy and understanding," which may be a lot easier than talking to so-called friends.

Sometimes they get good advice from both sides.

But I do agree that the label "twin flames" is unfortunate. All versions of the theory come with a dogma that can be so constricting, whether things work out or not. I try to imagine what it must be like for a guy living a reasonable everyday life, not particularly spiritual or religious and can understand why they're suspicious or not interested. Getting them on the twin flame current (unless they're there hanging about waiting for the moment) must be frightening. Think of it: "The universe (i.e. god) demands...this and that... You must stay spiritually married to me for eternity!" Were I a guy I'd say, "On yer bike! God's finger was pointing at the wrong person. It isn't me!"

Is the label necessary at all? I look at many long term happy relationships where it's pretty obvious the people are (figuratively) one soul in two bodies (which I see different from two separate bodies each with a part soul). All metaphorical anyway. These are people who are mutually appreciative; both contribute much to each other's lives, call it spiritual if you want but it also happens on the mundane - they've carved roles for each other, can be relied upon and trusted enough that trust no longer comes into it; and the very first reaction of both in a crisis is support. They are inseparable. In terms of this forum, they are of one spirituality.

To me they are the twin flames, not those living in anxiety and hanging around half a lifetime on the strength of some diktat they picked up on the web.

*boon, not Mills & Boon.

Bests....

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Interesting.

However, tired as the stories may be, it's a boon* that people can come here with their successes and failures to talk. The forum comes with a certain anonymity in that people don't have to reveal their "birth certificate" names so those with their stories can pour out to "strangers with some level of sympathy and understanding," which may be a lot easier than talking to so-called friends.

Sometimes they get good advice from both sides.

But I do agree that the label "twin flames" is unfortunate. All versions of the theory come with a dogma that can be so constricting, whether things work out or not. I try to imagine what it must be like for a guy living a reasonable everyday life, not particularly spiritual or religious and can understand why they're suspicious or not interested. Getting them on the twin flame current (unless they're there hanging about waiting for the moment) must be frightening. Think of it: "The universe (i.e. god) demands...this and that... You must stay spiritually married to me for eternity!" Were I a guy I'd say, "On yer bike! God's finger was pointing at the wrong person. It isn't me!"

Is the label necessary at all? I look at many long term happy relationships where it's pretty obvious the people are (figuratively) one soul in two bodies (which I see different from two separate bodies each with a part soul). All metaphorical anyway. These are people who are mutually appreciative; both contribute much to each other's lives, call it spiritual if you want but it also happens on the mundane - they've carved roles for each other, can be relied upon and trusted enough that trust no longer comes into it; and the very first reaction of both in a crisis is support. They are inseparable. In terms of this forum, they are of one spirituality.

To me they are the twin flames, not those living in anxiety and hanging around half a lifetime on the strength of some diktat they picked up on the web.

*boon, not Mills & Boon.

Bests....

As always Lorelyen your "booning" along nicely with your views and ideas.

I think I spoke on another thread about labels and how humans apply them in all manner of ways to understand, create and make sense of things that life presents to them and you shared your view on this too. The term "twin flame" seems to correlate to a common theme, consisting of a few things, missing something to the point where you cant sleep or eat, cant live a normal life, because the yearning to be with them is overwhelmingly intense and desirable within you. It almost consumes people and they cant think about anything else. The other thing, is the nature of our spirit body and merging with source than many talk about when they 'go home'. Passing through the tunnel of light and NDE's that visit other realms, share ideas about that completeness and feeling of one with love or everything becomes clear, through this means of understanding themselves. Often times when they come back into the body to continue on with this experience, they tend to take on a deeper spiritual purpose of their life in some way, that begins to give more meaning to their life and self, they drop things that are no longer seen as important to them, they forge a path that is 'connected' more deeply in them.

Another aspect is that recently someone said to me. "People think their is another half of themselves on this earth to find, but they will never find it, because its in the spirit realm". It was in an email to me so I didn't get a chance to go back and ask what they meant. Knowing this person, I suspect he means the source of completeness we find when we go home into that space of awareness, much like NDE's do. I am not entirely sure but I will ask him next time I am speaking to him.

I do recall, when my brother was dying and going through his process of opening and letting go, he wrote a poem about himself merging with the wheel of source where everything just fell into love, nothing within him was left untouched by love. I suspected when reading it was where he was heading but his poem was tapping into it before he arrived to that place. Where his human suffering and emptiness of his human life experience, fell away completely. I think we each carry this awareness through the streams of our lives, coming and going and coming back again. It makes sense we are in some yearning ourselves as source. The space where we no longer feel separate from ourselves, not just logically and through the minds knowing, but as a whole body experience.

This through my observations and place I reside in as of now, seems to resonate more with my own awareness and feelings and how coming full circle as this life experience, can awaken the call to find yourself more deeply through those more intense "remembering, "Love streams" you may have been involved with in one's many lives. All this coming into a bigger culmination that you are the one your seeking and no doubt if you find yourself as your own true love, true love follows you. You become the reflection of that wheel of love, that you are. If your lucky to find that true love companion who fits you perfectly as that love, then I suspect that is what many of these deeper soul connections become. The remembering of themselves through their companion and if its a stream of love through many lives, it will be deep in this life and hard to be apart.

I read somewhere once that twin flames are the most difficult partnership to work with, its very hard work, perhaps they open the soul deeper to let go and connect deeper to yourself, where as a soul mate is like your best friend, where you are very similar and dance the same way, share much in common, they see the world like you and they feel the same about things like you feel. So one perhaps teaches sameness more readily and the other much more about differences. I can see why the soul mate loss would leave a lot of people empty if they were relying on their other half to complete them in some way. To lose a companion of this nature to death when you share so much together in that sameness, would activate much of what hasn't been recovered of themselves as their own completeness, as well as losing their best friend and companion in this life, where they have shared so much together. The passing rather quickly after one leaves, perhaps serves them both at the soul level to remain connected more through the love stream of their lifetime, rather than their loss in other lives.


The potential through these many streams is to build our own individuation and the interconnectedness of all life, so even as one may be the stirring of much within us, the potential from those seeds holds much through the process of all life when we connect to all life.

Originally Posted by naturesflow

The potential through these many streams is to build our own individuation and the interconnectedness of all life, so even as one may be the stirring of much within us, the potential from those seeds holds much through the process of all life when we connect to all life.

Thank you!
What I'm seeing on this section but seems to be reaching across much of the Spirituality & Beliefs part of the forum is "being spiritual" becoming the end in itself, not the means to the end. It comes back to that point I quoted a while ago - how many (people) ask "why"?

As you say development/growth is a process under guidance from the paths we create through exploration. Some people collect and cherish tools. Others care about them but use them to make things.

[ForgedInFire]

Im sure those so called friends are sick to death of hearing about the "story" especially when its all someone talks about nonstop. I actually really hate the term twin flame..i always have it sounds stupid. twin f-LAME The "standard" read about them is equally enlightening as the label.

I have always suspected that codependent women inserted the "universe demands" clause in there. Thats how they behave already. The do this ..or else threat. Obey my unrealistic needs or you shall suffer for it. The psycho girlfriend or ex who meets twin flame theory.

I think you sum it up best.."those living in anxiety and hanging around half a lifetime on the strength of some diktat they picked up on the web. "

Thats exactly what anxious attachment is.

[Elysium]

No saying this isn't the case for a majority of people here...

But do you not believe in twin flames at all?

I'd like an explanation for this sign if possible.
I ended up somewhere I didn't want to be one day (wont say where) anyway on the wall was written in this format
"Her full name
My full name
United Under God
07-14-2008"
That was on 07-14-2008. Well in that place I didn't know anybody there,though people were there. No one knew her either as far as I'm aware.

I know a lot of people have signs that are just numbers on the clock, and I write that off to the universe. But what if there's a bigger sign like this?

The real twin flames are the elderly couples who've ironed out any troubles and are now inseparable. When one passes on the other prays to be allowed to join them; or lives on with the deceased's spirit still within them. They both grieve - I mean, who wouldn't if you've spend a lifetime happily with someone, but there's probably never bitterness or angst (except at the injustice of parting).

It would take a heck of a long time in my view for a couple to class themselves twin flames. A shag or two, a bit of romancing for a couple whose separate lives have become humdrum doesn't really make it. There is SO much propaganda and snake oil out there on the web...watch the spiders don't get you.

♥

[Nature Grows]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

The real twin flames are the elderly couples who've ironed out any troubles and are now inseparable. When one passes on the other prays to be allowed to join them
♥

It can happen I think, have you ever noticed with some couples that, that actually happends when one goes the other goes not to long after, I read about this in a book once, I will try find the text later, I'm on phone atm. But if there loves very strong or something, can't rember what was said exactly then when one goes the other will to. I know of two couples where this has happened, there partner went then within a couple months the other was gone to but I've even heard of other people who are not into spiritual things speak about this before too.

Actually I also know of two elderly brothers who use to hang out all the time, when one died the other became ill and was gone with in a year.

[LightbulbCosmonaut]

As I see this relationship from what I have experienced, it is just like every other relationship, it just have that label - twin flames or twin souls (which term I like much more) and it is given because those two people have some similar synchonized energies, bioenergies (similar personalities, life experience) so they are drawn to each other in "mystical" ways while there should be no mysticism at all, because it's just energies, we are all energy beings, just like everything else we get in contact with on this planet (there is energy exchange). People are just conditioned to romanticize such things to give it certain meaning and to feel special, so they call it "phenomenon" and so on.

Now what I think about the same soul mission, I am trying to figure out what it could be. I see that because of the same synchronicities we have same or very similar interests and we are doing similar activities on a daily basis, but not working on same fields of activities. So I am questioning if we supposed to get on the same path eventually, but firstly learn and improve ourselves separately. What I noticed is that if one does some work (that supposedly is linked to what we should do together) the other gets less energy for that, or gets triggered, or something like that. I do believe it's because they are not balanced yet.

My thoughts about the video, about anxious and avoidant attachments in people's personalities. What I got from that mostly I agree, especially on that part that the only way to finally get in balance is to completely cut the attachment by cutting the chords (supposedly, because I heard what can happen after that and it's not just only grief and sadness). And if you don't do that the same cycle continues, you will get in that codependant state over and over again and that is called being stuck. I think that anxious/avoidant behaviour could vary in the same person, it just depends on his state of being, I guess. The key is to balance yourself, but also keep in mind that you can't be perfect, because you're human, so those flaws that are considered anxiety, avoidance or whatever supposed always come to surface every once in a while (unless we all become gods, which I highly doubt, haha).

Another thing that is said about this type of relationship is that it's not about those two people, it's about raising the awareness of the humanity. I think that's why they must be completely separate, so they learn a lot of stuff by themselves, only that way you can give and share your knowledge with others. In that way you also learn how to balance your self needs which are ego driven, but also important and even vital part, with serving of the humanity (balancing it means giving those two parts equal amount of attention).

Now I see that I have a long way before me, especially when I was stuck in literally one place for almost all those years since I met them. I came near my fullest possible potential only at the beggining of relationship which took only few months and all the other years after that were just simply wasted.

[LightbulbCosmonaut]

As I see this relationship from what I have experienced, it is just like every other relationship, it just have that label - twin flames or twin souls (which term I like much more) and it is given because those two people have some similar synchonized energies, bioenergies (similar personalities, life experience) so they are drawn to each other in "mystical" ways while there should be no mysticism at all, because it's just energies, we are all energy beings, just like everything else we get in contact with on this planet (there is energy exchange). People are just conditioned to romanticize such things to give it certain meaning and to feel special, so they call it "phenomenon" and so on.

Now what I think about the same soul mission, I am trying to figure out what it could be. I see that because of the same synchronicities we have same or very similar interests and we are doing similar activities on a daily basis, but not working on same fields of activities. So I am questioning if we supposed to get on the same path eventually, but firstly learn and improve ourselves separately. What I noticed is that if one does some work (that supposedly is linked to what we should do together) the other gets less energy for that, or gets triggered, or something like that. I do believe it's because they are not balanced yet.

My thoughts about the video, about anxious and avoidant attachments in people's personalities. What I got from that mostly I agree, especially on that part that the only way to finally get in balance is to completely cut the attachment by cutting the chords (supposedly, because I heard what can happen after that and it's not just only grief and sadness). And if you don't do that the same cycle continues, you will get in that codependant state over and over again and that is called being stuck. I think that anxious/avoidant behaviour could vary in the nsame person, it just depends on his state of being, I guess. The key is to balance yourself, but also keep in mind that you can't be perfect, because you're human, so those flaws that are considered anxiety, avoidance or whatever supposed always come to surface every once in a while (unless we all become gods, which I highly doubt, haha).

Another thing that is said about this type of relationship is that it's not about those two people, it's about raising the awareness of the humanity. I think that's why they must be completely separate, so they learn a lot of stuff by themselves, only that way you can give and share your knowledge with others. In that way you also learn how to balance your self needs which are ego driven, but also important and even vital part, with serving of the humanity (balancing it means giving those two parts equal amount of attention).

Now I see that I have a long way before me, especially when I was stuck in literally one place for almost all those years since I met them. I came near my fullest possible potential only at the beggining of relationship which took only few months and all the other years after that were just simply wasted.