Why do TFs seem to come when you are in another relationship?

[nonuser]

I know they don't always, but it seems to be a theme.

I've been feeling really undecided about whether to continue this "chat relationship" or whatever it is (which is to say, nothing inappropriate, although my husband doesn't like me chatting with other men). But, if I delete Whatsapp then he emails.... if I don't respond to email then he will email again in a few days....and he is so nice, respectful and kind, I just can't blow him off. I think about him often.

Today he told me that he was hiring a new guy just so he would have time to chat with me. Weeks ago, I accidentally upset him, and he went and bought a car just to get me off his mind.

I think this guy is really into me. But, I don't know if it's me, or just the fantasy idea of me that he has (he's only seen a few pictures). I love having him as a friend, but I'm afraid of getting too involved because I am happily married. Even if I wasn't, it's impossible for us to be together. He is much older than me, lives on the opposite side of the world on a little island, and I have kids so I could not leave them. Never mind the fact that we are basically polar opposites, so we'd drive each other nuts if we were in a relationship.

I really just need to let him go, I think.

When push comes to shove you're probably right to let go although there's no reason why you shouldn't keep it going as a friendship.

It's a long time since I chatted to blokes on line but it was obvious in the cold light of day I couldn't get to know them like that, nor them, me. People I meet in my everyday walk of life seem to feel the same. People always put on their best behaviour on early dates or on line, pretend to like the things you like, understand all your problems etc. You feel attracted to them but... long term? Is it worth offending the angels you have to make this more than just a friendship?

[Tortoise Walks]

I personally feel that we meet/draw in soul connections (even while married) to learn more about ourselves that for whatever reason requires more than just our spouse at any given time. Maybe there are aspects of your journey or spiritual growth that is needed to be catalyzed and pushed to a head. It could be to reconsider just exactly what marriage is or isn’t for you? And to reaffirm those bonds. Or to expose some important questions/assumptions and realize that you no longer fit with what you’ve thus far agreed to/believed and need to address in some way.

If you think you need to let your friend go... and otherwise you feel very undecided or conflicted... meaning you are not interested in experiencing/exploring any of the tough stuff/consequences that would likely come along with continuing the friendship then maybe ask your friend to respect your wish to go no contact or however you’d like to phrase it for however long... if only to give you some time to think/feel things through if not feeling forever.

With some distance you may learn more about your feelings and/or connection. If they fade away, remain steady, or oddly grow stronger... maybe you’ll become less undecided or in conflict at that point.

Regardless, you did mention that you really enjoy having him as a friend... and also that your husband doesn’t like you chatting (being friends?) w/ other men... and you also fear getting too involved (emotionally?) being married. Is this fear primarily related to your husband’s dislike with you conversing with men? Would you have the same fear if your husband was ok with you having male friends?

To me this is the main issue for you to contemplate. Is it important for you to have the freedom/acceptance to have male friends as you meet them? Do you want it enough to engage in challenging convos w/ your husband that question and explore his dislike for chats with other men? Convos that could possibly surface deep seeded fears, reactivity, insecurity... but also maybe possibly promote healing, closeness, assurance, and intimacy for being heard and trusted.

The truth is convos like this may create shaky ground in your marriage until you both rediscover a firm, shared foundation in love and trust and shared transparent communication. Or you don’t find that common foundation and discover some mismatched expectations to work through and recover from or move on from... These kinds of conversations may poke you and your husband in areas that each of you perceived/assumed to be self evident about marriage and many people may feel they wrapped it all up with “I do” however many years ago.

If you don’t share about this friendship and continue chatting and getting closer and closer... you could be digging a deeper hole to get out of in terms of remaining happily married. If he’s just a friend why keep it a secret? Also consider... Are you truly interested in just friendship as a possibility or is part of you also *wishing* for the possibility for more...

Do you like having this guy as a friend primarily because he is into you and pays attention to you? Making you feel attractive? Is it the actively making time to talk to you? Or what he says and shares?

Does he like the real you? Hmm... I imagine that fantasy is part of it... For maybe both of you? This can be the case in any new connection when we’re filling in for what we don't yet know. Is there presence and authentic exchanging in your convos? Does sharing pictures seem important to knowing the real you or are the ideas and thoughts you are sharing more important to representative of the real you and the real guy? Are you at all concerned about physical attraction or more so deep personal attraction and affinity?

Do you sense caring and acknowledgement for your commitment to your marriage? Would there be continued interest in friendship from your friend if that’s all you are open to? Does your friend know that you’ve kept your chatting a secret... and if so do either of you get something from the secrecy that would vanish with exposure and transparency?

Hope you don’t mind my posing so many questions... not necessarily to be answered here...

....

For myself... being married and having met an intense soul connection (SC) is very challenging to say the least. Some crazy high peaks and low lows... with the catalyzing that arrived. Lots of growth and self learning and discovering. I wouldn’t back track any of it. Apparently, I am open to questioning and challenging and digging deep into this kind of stuff...

Which is a good thing because sometimes I really feel like SC is “inside” of me. My energy. His energy. Combining. I felt “married” to him which quite actually shocked me!!!

I consider myself lucky as before i met SC my marriage had already transitioned to an open one at my husbands request years earlier. Had we not there was no way i could have stayed married in my eyes based on how I was feeling about SC. And this was without even really knowing him.

So much ground/communication/practice was already covered about caring/feelings for other people and we had rebuilt solid trust. It wasn’t the prettiest transition but it was ours and we came through it and I wouldn’t take any of that back either.

So sharing all of this feelings with DH (husband) was quite the adventure. Especially about the spiritual/sexual/energies. My spiritual awakening accelerated with SC. I didn’t experience that kind of connection with DH. Spiritually/energetically, we come from different places though lately sharing some more aspects.

However, I do feel like SC templated important information for me of which I now lean into my marriage. Upgrading how we interact almost... like through interactions with SC I learned better ways to communicate/express w/ DH. I’d like to be able to say that i have the happiest most amazing marriage on earth 24/7. I do have a great marriage. We’ve grown up together thus far. We also have some rough edges here and there from both of our stuff. We’re still growing.

Not everyone is up for a journey like that. It may not be important enough or desirable at all... Rather spend their time in other ways. The question is - is it important enough for you on your journey?

TW

[FallingLeaves]

ummmmmm.... it's a curse?

[vis-à-vis]

A twin flame’s purpose isn’t to fulfil your relationship wants or needs.

What's worrying is that this trend is creeping over to this side of the Atlantic. Our local esoteric shop now has several titles, some probably vanity published but still on the shelf. I think we need a vaccine, quick-like.

[M.Tesla]

I THINK IT MEANS THAT YOUR TWIN FLAME IS SUPPOSED TO BE READY TO CHOOSE LOVE ABOVE ALL ELSE. THE TWIN FLAMES AWAKEN TOGETHER THEN SEPERATE UNTIL THE RUNNER CANNOT STAND TO NOT LIVE BY THE TRUTH OF LOVE INSIDE THEM. MY TWIN FLAME IS CURRENTLY MARRIED BUT SHES TRYING TO SEPERATE FROM HER HUSBAND AND DIVORCE HIM. SHE IS CHOOSING LOVE ABOVE ALL ELSE. SHE KNOWS SHE DOESNT LOVE HIM THE WAY SHE LOVES ME. ITS RHE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IVE EVER WITNESSED. SHE CHOSE ME. I CHOSE HER.

SO IF YOUR TWIN FLAME IS IN ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP DONT BELIEVE ANYTHINT ABOUT KARMA PLAYING A ROLE. TWIN FLAMES DONT HAVE KARMA. THEY DONT HAVE TO FORGIVE EACH OTHER. ITS ALL FORGIVEN BECAUSE TWIN FLAMES ARE COCREATED WITH AND BY GOD.

[M.Tesla]

I THINK IT MEANS THAT YOUR TWIN FLAME IS SUPPOSED TO BE READY TO CHOOSE LOVE ABOVE ALL ELSE. THE TWIN FLAMES AWAKEN TOGETHER THEN SEPERATE UNTIL THE RUNNER CANNOT STAND TO NOT LIVE BY THE TRUTH OF LOVE INSIDE THEM. MY TWIN FLAME IS CURRENTLY MARRIED BUT SHES TRYING TO SEPERATE FROM HER HUSBAND AND DIVORCE HIM. SHE IS CHOOSING LOVE ABOVE ALL ELSE. SHE KNOWS SHE DOESNT LOVE HIM THE WAY SHE LOVES ME. ITS RHE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IVE EVER WITNESSED. SHE CHOSE ME. I CHOSE HER.

SO IF YOUR TWIN FLAME IS IN ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP DONT BELIEVE ANYTHINT ABOUT KARMA PLAYING A ROLE. TWIN FLAMES DONT HAVE KARMA. THEY DONT HAVE TO FORGIVE EACH OTHER. ITS ALL FORGIVEN BECAUSE TWIN FLAMES ARE COCREATED WITH AND BY GOD.

Why would God create Twin Flames that need to forgive each other? They ARE each other. Sure you can forgive yourself, but that's another story.

[Flameseeker]

Twinflames all have the same purpose for being here, to raise the vibration of humanity & to show humanity what true love is.

Whether it be age difference, race, sex, religion & in many cases, choosing true love over another ( what would seem to be a relationship that looks good on paper)

Example 28yr old male is engaged to 28yrvold female they have been together for 5yrs are engaged about to be married, they are the same race & religion, from the outsider it is a perfect match,

however along comes 38Yr old female Twinflame, she is overweight, a divorcee, a single mother, different race, religion, yet 28yr old male falls in love with her & leaves the 28yr old slim beautiful girl, the family & friends are left scratching their heads as to why he would do such a thing, there are 2 purposes here, firstly they are being shown what true love is & secondly the young female that is discarded is being dealt her karma, many mistakingly think that it is the male twin that has karma with the female karmic partner, but that is generally incorrect, it is the female twinflame that has the karmic contract with the female karmic.
.

[ForeverRestless]

I can’t really speak to this as both TF and myself were completely untethered and completely free (single) when we came together 3.5 years ago. The feeling was blissful like you cannot imagine. There was no guilt and no shame, we felt completely seen and understood by the other, unconditionally accepted, safe. We could talk late into the night about anything and sexual stuff hadn’t the limits of propriety it had in the past. Sex was most certainly “making love,” but it was also indulgent and intense and even extreme at times. It was an incredible time in both of our lives. He told me last year that each day with me felt like an entire year with me. Time collapsed and condensed, and it was all for us.

It was only after he ran from the connection that another relationship wedged its way between us, as a manner of a safe haven and form of validation for him, I guess. I waited for such a long time for him to change his mind and come back, but after nearly two years, I knew I was holding myself back. The one thing I had not tried to move on was actually moving on, with a new man, and when a healthy connection came into my life, offering up happiness and peace, I welcomed each day as it came, and ended up in a good relationship. Problem is, despite my best-laid plans, now I’m in a relationship and still thinking about Twin. And he is in a relationship and still talking to me (until I ended that this spring). He only brought up his girlfriend once to me; it was irrelevant to our conversations because our connection was separate entirely. I never brought up my boyfriend, though I know he figured out I had one. Twin would talk about how nothing between us would end, how I still know him better than anyone on the planet, how much he wants to be able to talk to me. But that wasn’t enough, or maybe not enough for me. To be in love and not be able to express that, it was so hard for me. To talk to him and love him and know he’s choosing someone else, to know I came to a point where I had to do the same. So I finally put an email end to things. I told Twin about my boyfriend. I told him I choose my boyfriend over this ongoing pain and I’m done. And twin’s gone from my life. Maybe he still wanted to talk to me when I was “safe” to talk to, but now that I have real feelings and real pain and possibly am even “crazy” in his view, he’s backed away and gone. He cancelled his Facebook account (I had friends check and I wasn’t blocked; he’s just gone). He’s retreating more into his chosen life as I’m tasked with embracing my own. We will probably both end up married to other people, because I guess this was meant to be our path. Our love exists beyond these worldly structures for relationships and is too big to manage or contain, I guess.

So this is to say I didn’t start out this way, but now I am one of you: still dreaming about twin, still seeing numbers, still unable to disentangle the bond between us, but partnered up. I guess because of lessons that need to be learned. I’m here for it. Better luck in the next life.