How do you let people into your heart?

Blue Dragon, You wrongfully assume that if you are actually more interested in others that you will not get the attention you feel that you deserve and that you will be caught in a one-sided relationship. It doesn't work out that way. If you are more interested in who they are, they will be more interested in who you are, but somebody has to start. If both parties are waiting for somebody else to start, it is, most likely, not going to happen.

You have been given some very good and simple-to-use information about how you can have better relationships with some of your fellow human beings. Your first response is to act as if their is something inherently unfair about using that information, that you will somehow end up with the short end of the stick. It's attitudes like that that prevent people from having better relationships. So it goes...

I write vigorous notes on what I am learning from everyone's insights. And very useful insight it is! I will be putting them to use. I mention one sidedness because I experienced it often, and I know a person will relish in my attention and "forget" that I would like the same attention. I don't mind starting, I'm a man so I will. But many men gripe that the women aren't showing the same deeper interest, they just enjoy the man's attentions and talking about herself. And I am sure the reverse happens to women who do go deeper than the surface with men who are emotionally unavailable and don't talk. Chalk it up to whatever reason, but I run into too many women who don't try to get to know me deeper than the surface. That's my gripe. And you assume that someone will go in because I go in, but that's not been the case. I want a woman to probe deeper, talk more, ask more, find out more, and not be judgemental. Yes, hear one thing they don't like and here comes the sharp judgement and the exit. Even while she revealed wilder stuff about her past or an issue, and I didn't run or judge. So yes, one-sidedness is a gripe for me.

Blue Dragon, We have all experienced one-sidedness, so your experiences are hardly unique, but you can gripe about it all you want. You seem to have some rather deeply set ideas about how women should respond to you in a relationship, and, not suprisingly, that could get you into a lot of trouble if your goal is to achieve an ongoing, loving relationship with a woman.

I am speaking from my own experiences and a lot of research in the field of man/woman relationships. In my case, I have been married to the same woman for 36 years, and I think my wife is great. What's also true is that, along the way, I have done many stupid things.

Women and men are different, and please don't twist that into having me say that one gender is better than the other. It's not like that! Women and men are complementary to each other (and, hopefully, also complimentary), and one of the components of having a great relationship is being able to appreciate the differences for what they are. If you expect women to act like men, you are setting yourself up for betrayals and relationships that fail.

Best wishes!

I'm just really open in general... I love everyone but it's very rare I find someone that I could be "in love" with. Unfortunately even when I do I open up too much too fast and they usually can't process it all or maybe I just scare them off.

I think the best way to go about things (this is only my opinion of course) is to be open and loving to everyone, and if people burn you, just realize that life is too short to let those negative events burden you.

[Kaere]

Yes, this question wasn't really about romantic love but more just how to learn how to let down barriers in order to let someone be a friend, male or female.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.

[Lazarus72]

Yeah I think Lamont's put up some pretty good advice.

I'm not sure whether anyone can ever truly know you. Sounds a bit depressing though, I'd be happy enough to be wrong.

This is something I am learning myself. I think how we respond to our negative experiences with others, can bring us to close off to others and to become wary of trusting.

I like to believe that once we have learnt to see things differently, and to be able to let hurts go a little easier, to maybe see them as being the result of that other person's experiences and not a personal attack or betrayal, that keeping an open heart will become easier.

If your heart is not open and you want it to be, then it takes practicing it. Giving people the chance to know you and taking the risk of being hurt and the risk of making a friend or soulmate. Risk is necessary for growth. Even if I have not been blessed with friends and companions, atleast I do take the risk of being open to people and trying to get to know others. And that's how you open your heart, you take the risk and open it. Maybe the wise one would open it in stages instead of just laying everything out there.

I think its all gotta come natural.

You can say that when your still green, but after loads of history, it takes effort and intention to be open.