How do you stop wanting romance?

[Emvee]

Hi all! I don't usually post in the love section. But I'd like to know: how can I stop wanting love, romance, a boyfriend & etc.

A little info on me: I'm 19, never had a bf, has had unrequited crushes on guys, never had a guy interested in me, never even had a guy friend, only had gay ones. I think that love & romance shouldn't be on my top priority list rght now, I think my studies should be. But there is this small part of me that REALLY wants a bf & all of that. I went to the movies with my friends today & there were lovey dovey romantic scenes & it made me feel bad because they make love seem so glamorous in the movies but I know that in real life, love isn't like that. But still I want to experience that. That's why I try my best not to watch movies, read novels or tv shows that talk about love.

It's ok in the day, I keep myself busy but it's when I lay down at night ready to go to sleep that the cravings of romance eat me alive. I'm trying my best to surpress the desire but it's hard. I know that I'll probably have a bf
when I'm older but I want to concentrate on something else and stop thinking about love. How do you do that?

[annabelle239]

you have a lot of limiting beliefs. you are trying to suppress your desires. you desires are there for a reason. love can be whatever you want it to be. you cravings will keep intensifying until you satiate them,or after awhile they will fade and become buried but you will harden as a person and not be as happy for having never satiated your God given desires.

i would suggest you work on your limiting beliefs that you have. do the inner work so when love/romance/etc DOES come you don't completely mess it up.

[Belle]

This is a tough one, from what I can see, there's nothing wrong with wanting love and romance and know that you are deserving of it.

It's being able to look at others who are experiencing it and going "how lovely" without that spark of "it's not fair, why not me" arising.

Don't surpress your romantic desires, it will make them more powerful, rather acknowledge them as the beautiful energies they are, give thanks for them and cherish them in your heart. If they make you feel sad as you haven't experienced that, allow that to occur, as that is ok. And tell yourself that it's ok to feel as you do.

When you think about love, think about how much you are loved, by the universe, by the earth, by your soul family and - by your higher, and allow yourself to embrace yourself with love for you. Don't chase it away or try to re-frame it with different concepts, but allow it in for the you.

[Sarian]

I think it is perfectly natural how you are feeling. I have a 23 year old daughter who would love to have a boyfriend. She has had some, one went away to college and hooked up with a girl studying to be an engineer. They got engaged, but now he seems to have wished he stayed with my daughter. Her next boyfriend who she was head over heels in love with got killed in an accident. She's not found anyone since. A couple dates here and there, but she's so quiet. Last month a boy who went to school with my oldest son has been reaching out to her. Who knows where that will go.

I have a 20 year old son who has never had a date. He'd like a nice outdoorsy girl who's not full of herself, not afraid to camp and hike...but he's more focused on his studies right now, but I know he'd like a girl, but he's shy too.

I'm old enough to be your mom and i can watch those movies and feel wistful and longing myself, even in a relationship.

It's normal. You will find love one day, but please don't settle for just anyone.

[Albalida]

Originally Posted by Emvee

I know that I'll probably have a bf
when I'm older but I want to concentrate on something else and stop thinking about love. How do you do that?

I'd advise not to go to war with yourself. Have a parley instead. Admit that romantic love is a personal need of yours (check, yay.) And then, maybe wonder along the lines of: Where does it come from? Is there a lot of social pressure to have "had" someone by now-- triggered by the entertainment media in an oversexed culture? Does a part of you believe that your accomplishments must be at par with your peers, or otherwise depend on other people? Is there a fear that you wouldn't have lived life to the fullest unless you loved and were loved in return in a romantic sense... and fear you could get hit by a car tomorrow? Why isn't non-romantic love or ambition enough, at the literal end of the day? Is there an aversion to the stigma of finding a substitute for romance, or is the lack of romance really a need that only romance alone would fulfill?

Once you've wondered enough to just let it be (this might take a very very long while), then you might be able to stop thinking about it-- or, better yet, be able to think about it without responding with strong negative emotions, allowing it to just be what it is.

[girlsearching]

Originally Posted by Emvee

Hi all! I don't usually post in the love section. But I'd like to know: how can I stop wanting love, romance, a boyfriend & etc.

A little info on me: I'm 19, never had a bf, has had unrequited crushes on guys, never had a guy interested in me, never even had a guy friend, only had gay ones. I think that love & romance shouldn't be on my top priority list rght now, I think my studies should be. But there is this small part of me that REALLY wants a bf & all of that. I went to the movies with my friends today & there were lovey dovey romantic scenes & it made me feel bad because they make love seem so glamorous in the movies but I know that in real life, love isn't like that. But still I want to experience that. That's why I try my best not to watch movies, read novels or tv shows that talk about love.

It's ok in the day, I keep myself busy but it's when I lay down at night ready to go to sleep that the cravings of romance eat me alive. I'm trying my best to surpress the desire but it's hard. I know that I'll probably have a bf
when I'm older but I want to concentrate on something else and stop thinking about love. How do you do that?

hi Emvee welcome to the club. I'm also in the same boat as you i'm aslo 19 and never really exprienced having a real relationship with a boy either, only thing is tend to read erotic novels but i also don't really care for the sappy love movies. it's hard trust me but just focus on activites that you enjoy doing or going out with a group of friends that should take your mind off of it. stay focused on your schooling and studies you are on the right track but don't rush it love comes slowly like a flame it starts off as a spark in the begining than bamb its like a fire. I wish you the best of luck.

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by Emvee

... stop thinking about love. How do you do that?

Never stop thinking of love...just pick your lover correctly...there is only One...
It's not in a human...my opinion...if you want to stop thinking
About human love and romance...that happens naturally when your heart is stomped on
Enough times and your heart finally sees what I said above, "Oh there is no human love that will ever
Fulfill my soul...It was always You, Lord...all along."


My opinion. My experience.
There is only one romance, The Divine Romance.
(PS This isn't pessimisstic, it's a wonderful thing and part of the Soul's Awakening.)

[Emvee]

Thank you all for your response! I think that repressing & fighting my desires increases the frustration in me. I like this quote: “Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” ~Eckhart Tolle

On the other hand, I don't want my 'fantasies' about romance or my emotions to rule me. I'll accept that I have these desires but I won't give in to my daydreams [Before I go to bed I always imagine how it would be like to make out with a guy & etc & I kind of get carried away with my imagination...ah so embarrassing lol]

I think I'm just starting to get impatient because I have never made out with a guy & all of that, no guy has ever liked me & it does frustrate me at times but it's my fault because I'm a shy person, I'm not very open, I'm private, it takes time to know me & my friends tell me that I come off as intimidating to people who don't know me.

Edit: Darn I wrote a really good long response and was about to post it but then when I clicked save it said: The server is too busy at the moment. Please try again later. And my long response got deleted. Darn, I hate it when it says that. Too lazy to rewrite what I wrote, so I'll just leave it.

[Emvee]

Originally Posted by Albalida

I'd advise not to go to war with yourself. Have a parley instead. Admit that romantic love is a personal need of yours (check, yay.) And then, maybe wonder along the lines of: Where does it come from? Is there a lot of social pressure to have "had" someone by now-- triggered by the entertainment media in an oversexed culture? Does a part of you believe that your accomplishments must be at par with your peers, or otherwise depend on other people? Is there a fear that you wouldn't have lived life to the fullest unless you loved and were loved in return in a romantic sense... and fear you could get hit by a car tomorrow? Why isn't non-romantic love or ambition enough, at the literal end of the day? Is there an aversion to the stigma of finding a substitute for romance, or is the lack of romance really a need that only romance alone would fulfill?

Once you've wondered enough to just let it be (this might take a very very long while), then you might be able to stop thinking about it-- or, better yet, be able to think about it without responding with strong negative emotions, allowing it to just be what it is.

The reason why I want to stop wanting romance is because...I believe that I won't have a boyfriend (well at least for now but when I grow older I will). I just think that guys at this age are shallow & yeah it's silly but I find it hard to believe that some guy will like me, I'm shy, at times socially awkward, not super model looking, pretty average when it comes to looks & personality . My self esteem is pretty low and I know I have to work on this self love thing. That's why I want to stop wanting romance. To work on loving myself first.

[psychoslice]

How do you stop wanting romance?....well, stop wanting, and then just simply enjoy the romance.