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Old 26-01-2018, 05:42 PM
Soul Renew Soul Renew is offline
Knower
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: In a state of renewal, re-discovery
Posts: 161
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Sometimes Feel Like Crying Joyfully?

Recently, there have been times when I feel such warmth in my heart which makes me feel like crying. But it doesn't really come out, it's just that feeling of beginning to cry joyfully. When I focus on it more, sometimes I laugh.

I saw how sunny it was outside and it reminded me of the warm spring to come and it made me want to cry happily.

This feeling is like seeing someone you love very much, that someone you haven't seen in so so long, like 50 years, and you just want to squish them in your arms and cry crazily and just love them

It really feels as if I'm experiencing a reunion, as if someone has come back when I thought they were gone for good. Writing this makes me want to cry. omg it's like if I had a lover gone off to war and someone told me he's dead or missing and he surprises me 50 years later that he's still alive!! omg i want to cry!!!! (but i cant because my dad is sleeping in the next room xP)

But I don't know where the source is coming from. I wish there actually was someone who made feel like that. "I missed you, I love you, I'm so glad you're alive, I'm so happy, I love you so much!!! " I want to say.

About two years ago when I went through the dark night of the soul, I had these feelings as if I were reborn and I looked at everything with such appreciation. It was a feeling as if I should've been dead, but I'm here to see beauty again, in a world i thought I'd never see again. I cried thinking about that. It felt like I was given another chance to live when I should've died.
I know it doesn't make sense, but this is what I feel and it makes me want to become a better person and become love. To love as best I can.

But though i think these thoughts, I still have a lot to learn and I am not ready to love so much. I feel I need to take steps first, like clearing out my suppressed negative emotions and deconditioning childhood deceptions.

This feeling makes me feel like I don't want to ever hurt anyone because everything really is precious. If we really are connected as one, then I should not hurt others. I would be hurting myself.

When I was a kid I wanted to save everyone, but I knew I couldn't...
I remember watching this movie, i think it was called "Knowing," and the main adult characters were trying hard to stop a human extinction, but in the end, they failed and went to be with their loved ones one last time before they died. I remember crying so hard at the end. I didn't want them all to be exterminated.

Also, I don't know if I had a past life, but I have felt such great feelings that have never happened to me before. For example, I felt like I've lost everything, my home, family, children, lover, and was left alone with regret and suffering. When I felt that, I felt like I wanted to see them all again so I can treat them and love them better.

I was very curious about past life regression when I heard about it, but now i'm scared to go through with it if given the opportunity.
I've discovered fears during the dark night of the soul that link to events that never happened to me in this life. I'm scared to talk about it, but the fears relate to continuous, corruptive abuse ...
If it confirms true, I may not trust anyone ever again, or go insane.

Whoa, this took a turn.... o.o
Sorry >.<
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The soul is just as important as the body, but maybe even more so because it cannot be seen physically. Therefore, when it is in pain, it's vulnerable to the worse kinds of suffering.
The fragile is most precious.
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