Ghosting - an abusive act

I would like to write about ghosting. Ghosting has nothing to do with ghosts. Ghosting is the act of suddenly ignoring a friend or partner as if they don't exist. Ghosting means to suddenly not reply to someone's text, call, email, it is the act of not contacting them - basically treating them as if they were a ghost - as if they don't exist.

Ghosting someone is a very abusive act. It causes a lot of suffering and uncertainty to the person being ghosted, it causes worry if something might have happened. The person being ghosted is left devastated, not knowing what the reason is for the sudden cessation of all contact. They will wonder forever what happened, why their friend or partner suddenly excluded them from their lives. They wonder whether they have done or said something wrong. They wonder if the person ghosting them is alright or if they might need help. The person being ghosted will never find closure to the friendship or relationship. Being ghosted is soul destroying.

I have experienced being ghosted numerous times. Each time from someone who proclaimed to be ever such a good friend or even potential future partner. Each time it was absolutely devastating because I genuinely care about people I believe to be friends. Each time there was no argument, no disagreement, no sign that the person that was ghosting me did not want to be friends any more. Each time I was left desperately trying to find out if they were alright - only to find out that they were and just did not even have the courtesy to tell me they did not want any further contact.

At present I am yet again being ghosted. Again by someone I believed to be a very good friend, someone I cared very deeply for, someone I did not ever want to lose as a friend. Someone who had proclaimed to also care about me. Someone who I trusted and believed to be a good person.

Sadly ghosting has become very fashionable recently.

I would however like to state the following:

A person who ghosts someone is an abuser, a narcissist. To commit such an abusive act and to knowingly cause another person to suffer worry and anxiety, devastation and inner pain shows a very devious and evil personality. A person who is capable of doing such a thing is not worthy of my time or the time of anyone who is a genuinely good and spiritual person. People who are ghosting me or have ghosted me in the past might enjoy the knowledge that they are causing me pain - but my pain will heal whilst they can never hope to achieve the inner strength and the faith in God that I have. People who are so seriously flawed that they don't know how to treat others are truly beneath me and anyone who values themselves.


So, folks, if any of you are being ghosted or have been ghosted - yes it hurts. It hurts because we are genuine people with genuine emotions. We hurt because we really cared about the people who are ghosting us. But the fact that the people ghosting us are laughing at us, enjoying our pain, feeling that they are above us because they managed to cause us such pain - this only shows that they can never even hope to achieve what we have achieved: the ability to truly feel, to truly care about someone, to truly love.

And that makes them very poor indeed.

[Kaere]

I hear you.. I am also an Aquarius and we can feel very strongly about our friendships... sometimes moreso than any romance. I wonder sometimes if that's because we try to suss everything out and make sure it's good to go before we decide to be friends with someone and put all of ourselves into it. Then perhaps when it ends in such a way, we wonder how we could have been so wrong... where did our logic go awry?! Y'know?

I have been ghosted before... it's a very painful thing to go through. I hope you feel better soon and are able to look forward to new friendships and experiences I don't feel that people ghosting us are laughing at us or enjoying our pain. Sometimes they just let go? If someone is laughing at you, I am truly sorry for that ((hugs))

I sometimes withdraw from people and the world in order to take care of myself and my energy. I can see now how this might be perceived as ghosting some people in my life. Perhaps I lean on their goodwill to understand me and let me flutter around just a little bit too much. Your post has given me a lot to think about... it's time to change my behaviour for the better. I never once intended to do harm to my friends and people I love... to those I did hurt, I sincerely apologize :heart:

And for you Ankhesenamun, I apologize on behalf of those who left you abruptly without any explanation and I hope you can find some peace.

[Spirit bird]

I am very sorry you have gone through that experience. And yes it can cause the person being shut out much devastation in not knowing the reasons why especially when you considered them a friend. I would think the best way to work through this is once you get past the initial sadness of loss and shock of not knowing the reasons for it you need to take the approach of feeling sorry for that person. It seems obvious to me that they may potentially be a newer soul who has not been through many of their life lessons and may have many more trips back to learn what they are doing wrong. It is on them and not you. That is something you need to realize. If they were such a good friend no matter what through thick and thin they would never ghost you but eventually come to you with what it is exactly that's bothering them. If you don't know there is no way to fix it from either side. That is what a good friend would do. So once you pass through the initial emotions then take pity on that person because they may not be far along on any path in their development. There are many different types of souls on this planet...newer souls, old souls, and many in between on their journey. To be the best you can be in your own journey is to just accept them as they are and know that at this point can't do any more because of where they are in their development.
Humility, love and patience and if they decide to come around to you then you will know, if not you have to accept they are not of the same vibration you are on with your own path.

[TheGlow]

Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun

I would like to write about ghosting. Ghosting has nothing to do with ghosts. Ghosting is the act of suddenly ignoring a friend or partner as if they don't exist. Ghosting means to suddenly not reply to someone's text, call, email, it is the act of not contacting them - basically treating them as if they were a ghost - as if they don't exist.

Ghosting someone is a very abusive act. It causes a lot of suffering and uncertainty to the person being ghosted, it causes worry if something might have happened. The person being ghosted is left devastated, not knowing what the reason is for the sudden cessation of all contact. They will wonder forever what happened, why their friend or partner suddenly excluded them from their lives. They wonder whether they have done or said something wrong. They wonder if the person ghosting them is alright or if they might need help. The person being ghosted will never find closure to the friendship or relationship. Being ghosted is soul destroying.

I have experienced being ghosted numerous times. Each time from someone who proclaimed to be ever such a good friend or even potential future partner. Each time it was absolutely devastating because I genuinely care about people I believe to be friends. Each time there was no argument, no disagreement, no sign that the person that was ghosting me did not want to be friends any more. Each time I was left desperately trying to find out if they were alright - only to find out that they were and just did not even have the courtesy to tell me they did not want any further contact.

At present I am yet again being ghosted. Again by someone I believed to be a very good friend, someone I cared very deeply for, someone I did not ever want to lose as a friend. Someone who had proclaimed to also care about me. Someone who I trusted and believed to be a good person.

Sadly ghosting has become very fashionable recently.

I would however like to state the following:

A person who ghosts someone is an abuser, a narcissist. To commit such an abusive act and to knowingly cause another person to suffer worry and anxiety, devastation and inner pain shows a very devious and evil personality. A person who is capable of doing such a thing is not worthy of my time or the time of anyone who is a genuinely good and spiritual person. People who are ghosting me or have ghosted me in the past might enjoy the knowledge that they are causing me pain - but my pain will heal whilst they can never hope to achieve the inner strength and the faith in God that I have. People who are so seriously flawed that they don't know how to treat others are truly beneath me and anyone who values themselves.


So, folks, if any of you are being ghosted or have been ghosted - yes it hurts. It hurts because we are genuine people with genuine emotions. We hurt because we really cared about the people who are ghosting us. But the fact that the people ghosting us are laughing at us, enjoying our pain, feeling that they are above us because they managed to cause us such pain - this only shows that they can never even hope to achieve what we have achieved: the ability to truly feel, to truly care about someone, to truly love.

And that makes them very poor indeed.

I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing that. I went through that with a friend for a while. It felt like a death and physically took a toll.

We have connected again and while I know I shouldn't I still sometimes worry they will go again. In their case it wasn't malicious just not knowing how to deal with things. All I can say is struggle with it as little as possible. It isn't you. Sometimes peoples demons get the better of them.

I hope you heal from this quickly, my experience is compassion and forgiveness works best.

[ocean breeze]

Wouldn't go as far as to say its abusive or narcissistic. But i could understand being hurt and fed up enough to say that.

I've been ghosted. Its normally an indicator that my words got the best of them. It often startles them so they retreat. Never really heard the term ghosting until now. I usually call it the passive aggressive silent treatment.

lol Someone tried that a few years back so i confronted them on the forums where i would be harder to ignore.

Ankhesenamun, thank you for your explanation and description. I've noticed the term creeping into parts of the forum concerning relationships but had to imagine what it was. Much obliged for that.

However, I doubt it's Narcissism - selfish and pusillanimous, yes, if the person hasn't the courage to say they want nothing more to do with you or is just being whimsical. You really don't want people like that in your circle because they're poor friends at best so once over the shock it's good to be shot of them.

[eihwaz]

I also agree that it is not abusive or narcissistic. Maybe weakness on the person not speaking...a fear of conflict. Usually the person not returning the calls and texts has a pretty good reason.

[Anne]

I’ve encountered ‘ghosting’ isn’t always about dumping someone without further ado, but also ‘shadowing’. In other words, withdrawing yes, but continuing to sustain a presence, checking up thru other means.

As ocean breeze calls it, the passive aggressive silent treatment. Perhaps not necessarily narcissistic behavior, but abhorrent nevertheless (and abusive imo).

I’ll take ghosting over gaslighting any day., lol... Either way, it is a matter of overcoming victim mode and empowering Self.

Love the responses here.
Sending good vibes to the OP. It could very well be your friend simply needs a break. Good luck on your surgery and keeep us posted!

[Shinsoo]

Been guilty of ghosting a couple of times. Felt bad--but then started rectifying that tendency. It really isn't nice, not to mention cowardly. I pretty much lost two friendships because of that action. :(

I admit one was induced by my ex-negative guides and a little manipulation on my current guide's part, but I could have resisted. So the fault still lies with me.

I have long since apologized to the two I hurt. They have forgiven me, but it is clear there isn't a space for me anymore and I accept that.

School of hard knocks strikes again

Thank you for all the replies, there is certainly a lot to think about.

I don't know where I am standing at the moment with that friend, he has contacted me again but he might again not reply to me, I don't know. The uncertainty is killing me.

I read with interest that ghosting can also be due to someone simply wanting to retreat. It is an immature way to deal with things though, to leave friends in uncertainty, worried, devastated. And it is selfish not to care how friends (or partners, since ghosting also often happens in relationships) feel about this, the worry and devastation they go through, the uncertainty and agony that is torturing them.

Indeed maybe some people who ghost others are just immature souls. They certainly have a lot to learn about how to treat others and how to interact with others.

That is of interest to me as I only knew about ghosting in conjunction with narcissists because narcissists always ghost their victims. They ghost them - whilst indeed secretly checking up on them. Often at some point in the future they "hoover" their victim - "hoovering" means the narcissist tries to contact the victim again, which might not necessarily be directly. These are typical patterns of narcissism.

If someone however ghosts someone, or withdraws suddenly without caring what their friend/partner might be going through and without there being some sort of mutual agreement, I would still consider this incredibly selfish and abusive. The person might not be abusive as such but this is an abusive act.