Departure

I'm having a tough lesson coming my way very soon... A passing from some one I relish very much.

After my first dog died when I was little and afterwards decided to have another one, I immediately pondered very thoroughly about experiencing all the same things all over again (of course not exactly the same but for the extremely joyful, and tough ones). I decided to have it a go again realising that not very long after, will I have to say goodbye to a very dear friend once more. (as time always seems to go so fast when you look back)

The reason wich made me come this way and ask away is the feelings one has when dealing with death from the observing point of view. I don't like the bluntness of it because it's a generalisation but to put it very shortly, why is it that we tend to feel sad and mournful when a loved one goes away?

I've been dealing with this feeling for quite a long time now (I meant fighting but dealing is all the same, ain't it so?). For example, the same way I'm dealing with the sure departure of my parents one day because they are not geting younger by the day, I started feeling the same way about my friend when he passed half the age at wich my first dog died about - they share the same size wich usually makes for a lifespan of around 10 years. I "dealt" with it even more, obviously, when he was diagnosed a tumor in his liver more recently.

So, this is the lesson coming to a test probably tomorrow, this week very definitely where we will have to put an end to his journey here on earth because he's starting to struggle too much, when nowadays medicine allows us to give animals a painless death (or so the vet says). Wich is my next question to you because normally one would face his death naturally, ain't it so? Wouldn't the troubled times and suffering before one's death be part of the journey therefore taking it off of it would be interfeering with one's own purpose? Then I though, since he was inserted in a day and age where such "mercy" is allowed maybe it is meant to be that way... but that gives room for so much debate that it's hard to put a finger on it.

Concluding, I realise that we are not meant to mourn forever and we must move on and face death with the most uplifting way as possible. I am actually trying to face his departure in a happy way - since he'll end his pain, free himself of his earthen chains and continue his journey... But that is my struggle because I keep letting sadness catch me off guard.

Thanks for listening

If you’re asking if it is ethical to end his misery I don’t see this as problematic.

Of course you’ll be sad about this.

Have you tried asking him what he wants? Sometimes our companion animals want to fade away without any help. If you little guy is in pain in misery, then it's a tougher choice, isn't it? You want him to be with you and you aren't ready to let go, but you see his suffering. I totally understand what you are dealing with. I had to put to of my cats to sleep because of renal failure. Their whole body was just full of toxins their kidney's couldn't flush out. It was time to let them go, but it was still hard. I would have much preferred that they slipped away naturally so I wouldn't had to make that decision. But in the end, it fell to me. I suffered from survivors guilt for a long time --- Did I do something to cause it? Could I have prevented it? Could I have done something to heal them? But they were old kitties -- 18 years which is about 90 in human years. They're bodies were just wearing out. Mentally I understood this, but it was still hard saying good bye.

Unfortunately, for us who insist on having animal companions, it is something we must accept.

I am sorry your little guy is so sick.

[Silver]

Originally Posted by Ludovico

...
I decided to have it a go again realising that not very long after, will I have to say goodbye to a very dear friend once more. (as time always seems to go so fast when you look back)

...why is it that we tend to feel sad and mournful when a loved one goes away?

We feel sad and grieve precisely because of the reason you chose to get another pet upon the death of the first little friend, because of the fun, joy and love you look forward to being exchanged between you.

Concluding, I realise that we are not meant to mourn forever and we must move on and face death with the most uplifting way as possible. I am actually trying to face his departure in a happy way - since he'll end his pain, free himself of his earthen chains and continue his journey... But that is my struggle because I keep letting sadness catch me off guard.

Thanks for listening

There's a time and a place for everything, I think it would prove unnatural to not mourn the passing of a loved one, be it human or animal. If you allow what seems to be a natural response of feeling sad and grieving to take place, sooner or later, the happiness will come back. Just let the sadness come and go, resisting it will only prolong it, imo.

My son passed away suddenly in his sleep on Valentine's Day of 2010. My best friend David passed on June 25, this year. I had to have my best kitty, Fluffy put down in December of '08. He was an indoor cat, so he didn't just wander off and disappear like all my other pets over the years. And he's the #1 pet that I hope to greet when I pass. Even though I will resist passing, lol.

Originally Posted by mattie

If you’re asking if it is ethical to end his misery I don’t see this as problematic.

Of course you’ll be sad about this.

What I asked, in a nutshell, was why do we automatically incline upon a sad feeling towards death, instead of an opposite one? Is death really that bad? Because after all, we are only sad because of the thought of not having the loved one among us anymore - a selfish thought. Not like we're sad due to the mysterious journey that lies ahead to the departed...

Originally Posted by iolite

Have you tried asking him what he wants? Sometimes our companion animals want to fade away without any help. If you little guy is in pain in misery, then it's a tougher choice, isn't it? You want him to be with you and you aren't ready to let go, but you see his suffering. I totally understand what you are dealing with. I had to put to of my cats to sleep because of renal failure. Their whole body was just full of toxins their kidney's couldn't flush out. It was time to let them go, but it was still hard. I would have much preferred that they slipped away naturally so I wouldn't had to make that decision. But in the end, it fell to me. I suffered from survivors guilt for a long time --- Did I do something to cause it? Could I have prevented it? Could I have done something to heal them? But they were old kitties -- 18 years which is about 90 in human years. They're bodies were just wearing out. Mentally I understood this, but it was still hard saying good bye.

Unfortunately, for us who insist on having animal companions, it is something we must accept.

I am sorry your little guy is so sick.

Thanks iolite for the kind words

I've been dreaming a few times with him but it never crossed my mind to ask for help towards that end. Nor have I asked him anythind directly either, I've only been talking one sidedly to him. From my observations, though, he just seems like a regular animal. Completely unaware of what's happening and what awaits him...

Originally Posted by Silvergirl

We feel sad and grieve precisely because of the reason you chose to get another pet upon the death of the first little friend, because of the fun, joy and love you look forward to being exchanged between you.



There's a time and a place for everything, I think it would prove unnatural to not mourn the passing of a loved one, be it human or animal. If you allow what seems to be a natural response of feeling sad and grieving to take place, sooner or later, the happiness will come back. Just let the sadness come and go, resisting it will only prolong it, imo.

My son passed away suddenly in his sleep on Valentine's Day of 2010. My best friend David passed on June 25, this year. I had to have my best kitty, Fluffy put down in December of '08. He was an indoor cat, so he didn't just wander off and disappear like all my other pets over the years. And he's the #1 pet that I hope to greet when I pass. Even though I will resist passing, lol.

Hello Silvergirl... I'm very sorry for your losses... Last year I almost lost my dad too and times were strange enough as they were...

I feel what you're saying and I guess I'll go through with it as well. I can only hope not to have the kind of guilt iolite gone through. I realise I could do nothing about it, or even if I did, it would still come sooner or later in other forms (not very hard to realise I'm on the fate boat ain't it?)

I still think that mourning a loved one doesn't necessarily needs to be in a sad way. People out there wish to have toasts and celebrations in their name after they're gone instead of the regular funeral.

[Xan]

Have you tried asking him what he wants?


This is a very good suggestion. I have read many stories of animal communication in situations like this... and at other times too. As with a human family member it's good when these decisions can be made together.

It's easy to learn to hear your dog's thoughts and feelings... Just get a little quiet, ask a simple question and tune in to him.


Xan

[Silver]

Originally Posted by Xan

Have you tried asking him what he wants?


This is a very good suggestion. I have read many stories of animal communication in situations like this... and at other times too. As with a human family member it's good when these decisions can be made together.

It's easy to learn to hear your dog's thoughts and feelings... Just get a little quiet, ask a simple question and tune in to him.


Xan

I've never done that, I think it's a nice idea.

Originally Posted by Ludovico

Thanks iolite for the kind words

I've been dreaming a few times with him but it never crossed my mind to ask for help towards that end. Nor have I asked him anythind directly either, I've only been talking one sidedly to him. From my observations, though, he just seems like a regular animal. Completely unaware of what's happening and what awaits him...

Ah, but he's not. No animal is a "regular animal". They all have feelings, wants, desires and thoughts.