Advice

Background:
I met this girl; I was instantly attracted but didn’t think much of it. Once we started talking about real stuff however she turned out to be so amazing in such very unexpected ways, beyond explanation. I soon ended/ left my (unhappy) long-term relationship because she wanted to run off and have an affair (she was also in a fragile long-term) and I just had to try. She is a huge tease, indecisive and so even she was amazed that with us it actually came to happen. Once we connected on this physical level it accelerated everything, I began to see colours I had never before, music began to make sense. Gateways that spiritually had been stagnant for years passed in seconds. I take it from others this is normal “love experience” but for me it is not. The friendship grew to as we spent and talked as much as possible. I have truly never felt happiness/connection like this before in my life. I have met great people but this is different and hard to make sense of. I am so very hesitate to trust anyone but I trust and communicate with her so completely for no reason no matter her response and it is even getting better with everyone else now. All of this leads me to believe she is a twin flame but that where things get confusing (I’ll come back to that)


Soon into our short affair I got very confused as I tried to fit her into “game” or other frames/expectations I have developed about relationships/seduction. She somehow just didn’t fit these rules however could do as she liked, I just wanted to align. I just want her happy and don't want to push her (odd for me) but at the same time didn't know how to control my own feelings of intense attraction or the experiences I was having let alone rectifying them with this being an affair. This lead into a big push-pull confusing mess from me and her getting confused especially as I tried to communicate everything so openly and stay consistent which was simply impossible because I was confused as hell and almost going crazy with all the feelings.


I have now been able to let most of that go and communicate it all to her. Meanwhile she has made some huge transformations herself. Gaining new confidence, a voice and new motivation in her life (something she struggled with for a long time). At one point she left her long-term (for a half day) and came to me as a friend. She expressed being so unsure what she wanted, not about me and her, but between being single/finding herself (which included me) or staying in her conformable relationship (very unhealthy but very safe, story for another day). I was able to support which I am very glad but meanwhile her boyfriend came with a big “I can do better speech (a big issue is his indifference to her / leeching on her) please let us try to make this work”. She went back but with a new confidence she could leave if she needed but also a lot more caution about how she was being with me around him (stopping texting me all day and limiting our time). At that point, I had my last push-pull blow up and surrendered to the higher feelings deciding I would rather be her highly hidden friend rather than lose her. I am truly fine with being just her good friend (her influence on my life has been the most amazing thing ever), I want her happy with or without me romantically, and because of her influence I have found all relationships more loving which means finding someone else would be easy.

Question:
I was hoping some of you could help me gain some perceptive on this as it is too unfamiliar to me. Although for the most part I am feeling wonderful, I miss her all the time (I am not with her) and my mind continually tells me I am being an idiot.


So what kind of confusing signs am I getting: first she never has said she is very into me ever. In fact she only really has said she is attracted to my intelligence and loves attention so likes me being so over the top about it (but she can never be satisfied that way so don’t get my hopes up). Although, I in most cases hate compliments and have strongly said as much so I think in some regard she keeps that in mind. She gives me a buddy vibe with some flirting around others at the same time we have a wonderful sexual chemistry and she always get quite sexual when we are alone (not in public where she might know people, fine around my friends). She always chooses her boyfriend/friends/family over me when spending time is concerned and puts up a lot of barriers to meeting when it can’t be kept secret (not
so much at first but now a lot). I don’t think has mentioned me at all to friends or family. She only entertains the possibility of us dating and doesn’t close it, she never encourages it, and all the way giving this in the moment **** to us being romantic (she is very hold-cold) with appreciative-indifferent to my affections (btw I like to show my intentions). She has said sex is equal and not better with me (which yes is pride but also a bad sign in my mind).


So my analytical side based on things like the above are like "buddy find a way to move on and be good friends, she is just not that in to you". My instincts harder to trust in her regard (don’t feel objective) but say be patient and enjoy it, it will work out romantically. That said, I am very happy to be her friend but would be overjoyed if this was more. Could this fit with her being a twin flame and just struggling to show she too is having a huge romantic connection or should I work more toward toning down?


Advice and shared similar experiences welcome and encouraged!
Thanks and blessings,