Should I ask him why he was holding back on his answers, on our first date?

[olhosdeamendoa]

Originally Posted by A human Being

Yeah, important to listen to your intuition (there have been plenty of times when I haven't heeded what my gut was telling me, and I've reaped the consequences). And there were plenty of red flags, so it seems from what you've said, so I think you've done the right thing in ending the relationship before it gets any more involved.

That's the thing, it wasn't a relationship, it was only two dates.

But it did feel it was a relationship because of his expectations and it was too much too soon.

On Saturday on our date, he talked about going here and there in the future, and one day about meeting my daughter as well... then after the date, he sent me a message saying that meeting just once a week won't be enough and that we need to see each other more often than that, and asking already when can we meet again. I was still processing this date, and unwinding after getting home, and he already wanted to know when to meet again??

So, yeah it felt like a relationship. I was still on the "let's go on dates getting to know each other" type of thing, and he was too far ahead.

That to me was a red flag as well.

Yeah, I've not listened to my intuition in the past and have reaped the consequences too. I know too much now to do that again.

Some people might think it's jumping into conclusions too soon after just two dates, but your intuition is never wrong.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by olhosdeamendoa

That's the thing, it wasn't a relationship, it was only two dates.

But it did feel it was a relationship because of his expectations and it was too much too soon.

On Saturday on our date, he talked about going here and there in the future, and one day about meeting my daughter as well... then after the date, he sent me a message saying that meeting just once a week won't be enough and that we need to see each other more often than that, and asking already when can we meet again. I was still processing this date, and unwinding after getting home, and he already wanted to know when to meet again??

So, yeah it felt like a relationship. I was still on the "let's go on dates getting to know each other" type of thing, and he was too far ahead.

That to me was a red flag as well.

Yeah, I've not listened to my intuition in the past and have reaped the consequences too. I know too much now to do that again.

Some people might think it's jumping into conclusions too soon after just two dates, but your intuition is never wrong.

Nah, I'd say there's more than enough evidence to suggest that this guy isn't right for you, you've done the right thing in breaking it off imo (and as you say it was only two dates, it hadn't developed into a full-blown relationship whatever he might think).

[olhosdeamendoa]

Originally Posted by A human Being

Nah, I'd say there's more than enough evidence to suggest that this guy isn't right for you, you've done the right thing in breaking it off imo (and as you say it was only two dates, it hadn't developed into a full-blown relationship whatever he might think).

Yes there's more than enough evidence. Actually, there was a lot of evidence after only two dates.

Another question this deep and profound man asked me on our last date was if I see someone tripping over and falling on the floor, if I would laugh at them.

I said no, I would be more concerned if they are hurt and in helping them. And he insisted saying "ah, but you would laugh first wouldn't you, it's funny!"

I think that question alone says it all.

I need now to check with myself why I did attract someone like him. And I know the answer: we met on an online dating website, he had many things about him that are not what I am looking for in a partner and even so I went ahead and met him. I should have seen that this is not what I am looking for and period, not even go on a first date.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by olhosdeamendoa

Yes there's more than enough evidence. Actually, there was a lot of evidence after only two dates.

Another question this deep and profound man asked me on our last date was if I see someone tripping over and falling on the floor, if I would laugh at them.

I said no, I would be more concerned if they are hurt and in helping them. And he insisted saying "ah, but you would laugh first wouldn't you, it's funny!"

I think that question alone says it all.

Agree with you there, the guy sounds like a piece of work tbh!

I need now to check with myself why I did attract someone like him. And I know the answer: we met on an online dating website, he had many things about him that are not what I am looking for in a partner and even so I went ahead and met him. I should have seen that this is not what I am looking for and period, not even go on a first date.

A very mature way to look at it, and it's a good line of inquiry: Why would you go against your intuition, what's at the root of that? Not always easy to face the truth of the situation, sometimes the answer can be as simple as (and I'm not saying this is the case for you, but just as an example), 'I felt lonely and going on a date with this guy seemed preferable to being alone.' But why does being alone seem like such a bad thing?

[olhosdeamendoa]

Originally Posted by A human Being

Agree with you there, the guy sounds like a piece of work tbh!

A very mature way to look at it, and it's a good line of inquiry: Why would you go against your intuition, what's at the root of that? Not always easy to face the truth of the situation, sometimes the answer can be as simple as (and I'm not saying this is the case for you, but just as an example), 'I felt lonely and going on a date with this guy seemed preferable to being alone.' But why does being alone seem like such a bad thing?

This guy has written trouble all over him.

Yes, that's a very good question to ask myself. No it's not because I feel lonely, I've been on my own for a long time and I am pretty fine with that now.

I went on that first date with him because we actually had a nice chat online. And I went on a second date because I was trying to see what he really is.

So, not really going against my intuition, because I was listening to it the whole time, but maybe I did give a second chance to someone I knew wasn't right for me.

And I think that is because that used to be my old pattern/template. To see things I didn't like, but still continue moving forward in a kind of expectation that they might be different and I really like them.

I am leaving that pattern behind now. In this case it was just two dates, in the past I would go on several more, taking things further, etc. Not anymore.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by olhosdeamendoa

And I think that is because that used to be my old pattern/template. To see things I didn't like, but still continue moving forward in a kind of expectation that they might be different and I really like them.

What do you think was at the root of that pattern/template, why did you have that expectation?

I am leaving that pattern behind now. In this case it was just two dates, in the past I would go on several more, taking things further, etc. Not anymore.

That's good, that's growth

[olhosdeamendoa]

Originally Posted by A human Being

What do you think was at the root of that pattern/template, why did you have that expectation?

That's good, that's growth

I used to have that expectation because I was stuck on a place/vibration of lack and scarcity. As in, "this guy really likes me, so I need to stay with him even if I see things I don't like, I'll just not give much importance to those things", aka wearing rose tinted glasses.

That's scarcity mode and have been in my life for a very long time. I was married for 9 years and I remember when I was dating my ex-husband, I had that feeling something was missing and I didn't feel a deep emotional connection with him, but still I went ahead and married him. Basically scarcity mindset, lack of self-love and low self-value.

I have done a LOT of work on myself on this. I have completely abandoned a scarcity and lack mode in regards to money and my business, and my business is flourishing now and I only work with clients that are amazing, that respect and value my work. In the past, with the scarcity mindset, I would accept any client at any rate and it was a nightmare.

Now I have awesome clients, do awesome work and say no to anything and anyone that is not aligned. It's an abundance mindset and I did that work last year.

I guess I am now doing that same work in regards to my love/romantic life.

Letting go of the scarcity/lack mindset and be very aware of how guys are and how they make me feel.

I am seeing dating now from an abundance mindset. If this guy doesn't make me feel good and it's not a good fit, I'll let him go immediately. Because now I know that when I let go of the wrong guy, I am opening space to the right one.

It's also knowing what I want and staying in alignment with that. So I am grateful to this guy I went on two dates with, because he helped me doing this work on myself. Basically raising my standards to stick to what I really want.

The more I practice this abundance mindset in dating, the easier it becomes. Now I don't marry the guy or enter into a relationship, I just go on two dates. lol

I want to get to the point where I don't even date once. Because before the first date with this guy, we talked on WhatsApp for a while and he had things that are the opposite of what I want in a partner, but I still went on a date with him.

So, I want to get to the point where I see these things and let go immediately, being 100% in alignment with what I want. I'll get there and maybe that will be the day my right partner will come along.