Letting the packers in

[Tomma]

Dream from last night:

I live in a very large old building that has thick stone walls of yellow/grey stones. Like it used to be an English castle that has been modernized and made into flats. My current bf (I don't have one) and ex bf are around and are jealous of each other. We are doing something, preparing for a dance or theater performance. It’s a creative atmosphere. Other people are also there, professional packers/movers, they are packing things, someone is apparently moving out. Now it’s evening and the packers are coming back to pack more but I had already closed the doors. I can see them through my window trying to get in next door and the main guy is smiling at me and flirting a little bit. I rush to the next room to look for the key. I also need to dress quickly and rummage through my cupboard to look for a T Shirt. I find it difficult to find a suitable one, one that is comfortable but also looks cool. I take out several and finally choose a maroon one with a black and grey pattern in front.

[Michelle11]

So it seems the old you and the new you are not quite in harmony. This suggests that you are developing new habits and behaviors but still hang onto old ones. Makes sense, you have had very strong protective instincts (castle). It's been made over to a more modern approach to life but you are still in the castle of protection so not totally in the old ways but not in a new way of life either. You are gathering your things to move and a part of you may be under the assumption you have all you need, you need not look any further (closed window) or possibly there is some close perspective as windows do represent our perspective and outlook on life.

I would say that perspective is represented by the shirt you were wearing. You have a tendency towards black and white thinking that has caused the positive to be more grey than white. Though grey very well could be symbolic for middle ground. You have found balance with your positive thinking and feelings but not so much with the negative. This may be because of feelings of being abandoned and rejected in life. The maroon shirt can suggest being stranded on a deserted island all alone with little chance of survival. so how do you handle relationship break ups? Is there a tendency to feel rejected after them as though you aren't worthy because of it? Or feel like you will never find love and be left all alone? It doesn't necessarily have to be related to love or relationship but it does suggest some perception about feeling stranded and abandoned in life may be a theme you need to confront and change your mind about for your black thinking to become more balanced.

[Tomma]

Originally Posted by Michelle11

So it seems the old you and the new you are not quite in harmony. This suggests that you are developing new habits and behaviors but still hang onto old ones. Makes sense, you have had very strong protective instincts (castle). It's been made over to a more modern approach to life but you are still in the castle of protection so not totally in the old ways but not in a new way of life either.

Yes that rings true. Things in me are moving/shifting as also indicated in the recent train dream.

But the dream indicates that more packing has to be done. It's interesting that I'm looking for the key to open the door.

Originally Posted by Michelle11

The maroon shirt can suggest being stranded on a deserted island all alone with little chance of survival.

Curious: how do you get from maroon shirt to deserted island?

I love maroon. I feel it's a warm and rich color.

Originally Posted by Michelle11

so how do you handle relationship break ups? Is there a tendency to feel rejected after them as though you aren't worthy because of it? Or feel like you will never find love and be left all alone? It doesn't necessarily have to be related to love or relationship but it does suggest some perception about feeling stranded and abandoned in life may be a theme you need to confront and change your mind about for your black thinking to become more balanced.

I usually handle relationship break ups badly - if I'm the one being left that is. I fall into a hole of depression and desperation. The thought of being left alone in this world is something that terrifies me. This might stem from two incidents in my childhood that both scared me very much. At age three my mom put me in kindergarten and for days I was crying the whole day while there. It took me quite a while to open up and calm down and adjust to this new situation. At age 6, when I had started school she put me on the bus one day and said I can go by myself now (we had done the route together before). It was only two stops but I missed my stop and ended up further down the street not able to figure out where the school is. I was so scared, felt all alone, crying. Thankfully someone saw me and took me to my school (and I'm so grateful he was a nice person with no sinister motives!).

My mom wanted me to be independent quickly, and not cling so much to her. So I have two sets of responses in me regarding independence: one from my mom, independence is a good thing, and one from myself, independence is totally scary and lonely.

[Michelle11]

It's a play on the word marooned as in marooned on a desert island, alone and isolated. It's a fairly impactful image, of being alone and left to die basically if you can't fend for yourself. It's not really a surprise that you are attracted to the color because we attract the things that try to help give us clues what we need to see about ourselves. It matters not how many men break up with you, it doesn't change your worth one little bit. Once you become aware of that you are more likely to find a stable relationship that lasts. If your worth is wrapped up in whether or not some guy rejects you then you may attract that kind of thing. This said, I personally don't think a 6 year old is old enough to ride public transportation themselves. We have absolutely no clue about the real world. Sounds like your mother fed the fear for whatever reason but it's ok to let it go. You will never be abandoned by spirit. it will always be around to support you even if all your human companions walk away from you. Focus on that fear may be a huge key to your healing.

[Tomma]

Originally Posted by Michelle11

It's a play on the word marooned as in marooned on a desert island, alone and isolated. It's a fairly impactful image, of being alone and left to die basically if you can't fend for yourself. It's not really a surprise that you are attracted to the color because we attract the things that try to help give us clues what we need to see about ourselves. It matters not how many men break up with you, it doesn't change your worth one little bit. Once you become aware of that you are more likely to find a stable relationship that lasts. If your worth is wrapped up in whether or not some guy rejects you then you may attract that kind of thing. This said, I personally don't think a 6 year old is old enough to ride public transportation themselves. We have absolutely no clue about the real world. Sounds like your mother fed the fear for whatever reason but it's ok to let it go. You will never be abandoned by spirit. it will always be around to support you even if all your human companions walk away from you. Focus on that fear may be a huge key to your healing.

I did not know the word "marooned" (English is not my first language) so I don't think this applies for this dream, nevertheless your conclusion is right. Fear of rejection and abandonment is strong in me, that's probably why I have the strong need for protection. I will ask my subconscious to tell me more about this fear and my relationship to my mom in my dreams.

[Michelle11]

Originally Posted by Tomma

I did not know the word "marooned" (English is not my first language) so I don't think this applies for this dream

Of course I can't interpret anyone's dream with absolute certainty. I really can't do it for myself either. It is a bit of a guessing game because it is so symbolic and can be read in different ways. but I will say that I will wake up with words and phrases I never use in my normal life and some I honestly don't think I ever heard of and I have to look them up to understand what the message is. So there is a possibility your soul knew you would have this dream and put you in a maroon shirt because they knew you would post the dream here and I would read the maroon color as abandonment and then pass on the information to you. You could have presented the color as burgundy or some other name but maroon was chosen and it may not be by chance. I'm finding life can work in mysterious and magical ways like that sometimes.

In any event the reason I chose the negative of the color maroon is because it was the background color of the shirt so the foundation of how you present to the world that is causing the black and white/grey pattern of behavior of trying to maybe overly please men and look good so as not to be rejected. But it doesn't have to mean that especially if it doesn't feel right to you. It could represent your comfort zone since you find it a pleasing and warm color. Could be you feel protected when you know a man is around because you fear being alone which can still lead to an unhealthy need for companionship to avoid abandonment that needs to be healed. Either way sounds like we hit on something for you to challenge and heal. It will liberate you to confront this fear, hence the key reference.

[Tomma]

Originally Posted by Michelle11

Of course I can't interpret anyone's dream with absolute certainty. I really can't do it for myself either. It is a bit of a guessing game because it is so symbolic and can be read in different ways. but I will say that I will wake up with words and phrases I never use in my normal life and some I honestly don't think I ever heard of and I have to look them up to understand what the message is. So there is a possibility your soul knew you would have this dream and put you in a maroon shirt because they knew you would post the dream here and I would read the maroon color as abandonment and then pass on the information to you. You could have presented the color as burgundy or some other name but maroon was chosen and it may not be by chance. I'm finding life can work in mysterious and magical ways like that sometimes.

Of course that could very well be so! That's a very interesting thought.

My first association with the color maroon was 'monks', which would also fit somewhat with the feeling of isolation. Maybe I was a Tibetan monk in a previous life, it might explain why I feel so unauthentic and strained and emotionally drained when dealing with people for more than 10 minutes in this life. It is always all too much for me very quickly, too noisy, too hectic etc. I feel I don't have the skill to be with others for long periods of time.

Originally Posted by Michelle11

In any event the reason I chose the negative of the color maroon is because it was the background color of the shirt so the foundation of how you present to the world that is causing the black and white/grey pattern of behavior of trying to maybe overly please men and look good so as not to be rejected. But it doesn't have to mean that especially if it doesn't feel right to you. It could represent your comfort zone since you find it a pleasing and warm color. Could be you feel protected when you know a man is around because you fear being alone which can still lead to an unhealthy need for companionship to avoid abandonment that needs to be healed. Either way sounds like we hit on something for you to challenge and heal. It will liberate you to confront this fear, hence the key reference.

Yes, comfort zone sounds right to me.

I feel protected when I know someone is around, not necessarily a man though. Just someone who is stronger and better equipped to deal with that crazy and cruel outside world than I am. (I'm aware that this seems to be in contrast to what I just wrote above. ) Sometimes my husband has to travel for a few days and I'm alone in the house and that makes me really uneasy and hyper-vigilant. It's very puzzling to me though because when I was in my 20s I lived alone and never had these fears. I don't understand where all this comes from now all of a sudden. It feels like I'm in an emotional shock or something.

Yes something we hit on but I'm still not really sure what is going on.

[Michelle11]

It's a piece of the puzzle. As you self reflect and work on yourself you will get more. Soon enough all the pieces will form a picture of your life that makes sense and you likely will know how you got from point A to point B. You will see what is no longer serving you and hopefully change your mind and/or make new decisions about yourself and life that support you as opposed to limit you. It takes time but you seem invested in healing so you are already ahead of the game. There was a very important awareness I gained that helped me see myself in a better light. As backwards as this sounds, your struggle with coping with life is a sign of your strength, not weakness. We don't take on the challenges of life until we are ready and strong enough to face them. So all those people who seem to have it all may actually need to have it all to survive life. You are working on surviving while being in the fray so to speak, meaning, being in chaos is harder than having a cushy life. Give yourself credit for that. The rest you need to heal will come in a way that is most optimal for your safe passage through the shadows of life. Every little new insights builds on the last. You are making progress. Hugs

[Tomma]

Hugs to you back Michelle! Thank you for your supportive words, they help.