Your Past Does Not Define Who You Are

[Windbreeze]

Hello,

My friend had a bad relationship in the past that caused her trauma and she constantly blames and hates herself. I told her that her past does not define who she is but she cannot accept this. It's very hard for her.

Do you have any advice on how I can make her feel better and how to make it easier for her to understand that her past does not define her?

Thanks

[one-light]

ive been in some dark difficult places in my recent years of 66 on this planet this time, mainly with health issues and spiritual learning... ohhh that's a tough one the spiritual side to learn. Then I learned 'self healing' zero medication from doctors for me now coming on 3 years.

There's an old saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and its true - so you could spend a while researching self healing to give mental and physical strength - learn some of the basics, and work on making your friend ''smile'' i'm sure you can think of ways to do this... there's an old saying crack a smile - and I'm not taking it lightly what you said regarding trauma and blame, but there's another saying - forgive, detach, move on... And I'll add to that be strong again... tell her I said, she can't alter the past but she can personally make a 'difference' to 'her' future.

So thats a start - If you need more help, we're here all of us to assist..

You can lead a horse to water,but you can't make it drink.

"I can't teach anybody anything,i can only make them think"~Socrates.

Unfortunately,there is only so much you can advise and only so much you can do to help some people see sense.

Some people need to figure things out for themselves,in there own time.

No use banging your head against a brick wall,if it falls on deaf ears.

Say your here when your ready to listen.

Until then,distance yourself and back away.

Otherwise your feeding her misery violin and she'll keep on playing the past ballads to you.

Misery feeds on drama and by airing it,it stays alive.

That's all i can advise,some people need a wake up call,via being cruel to be kind.: )

[inavalan]

You can tell her that she creates her future now. Negative thoughts now will materialize in negative situations in her future.

As a clarifying example: heating war will never bring peace; only loving peace will bring peace.

Hating herself won't bring love in her life.

[SikuX]

Hmm... it depends on the person of course and the type of past they have. Sometimes abuse or trauma can make someone stay in a loop. Sometimes it's so addictive because it's about the only time you can feel anything strongly.

However, the universal way I feel helps is to give someone a future to look forward to. Optimism over Pessimism. Acceptance over indifference. Keep her away from too much of societies' "realism" and just love her for who she is unconditionally.

Sometimes it could be as simple as finding someone that takes your hole view of the world and turns it upside down. ;)

Makes the negatives into positives. Silver linings... Distractions, that sort of thing.

The present, it's in the name. It's a gift. Let's be grateful and look forward with optimism and wonderment, yeah? <3