I fell in love with my best friend

[light25]

Hey.. I fell in love with my best friend. I confessed and she doesn't see me like that. She just sees me as a friend, nothing more. She recently went through a rough breakup, but it didn't happen between us.
I mean if I was the right one for her, it would have made a difference. So the signs are pretty clear, she just sees me as a friend.

And so I was asking to myself, whether I should stay being friends. Whether I should go through the suffering, pain and jealousy. Because she also went back with her boyfriend right after.
She admitted that she knows he's not good for her, but she says the pros outweigh the cons.. I guess she really loves him and can't let him go.. that's why I am quite jealous I guess..

Well to cut a long story short, I ended the friendship and cut contact for good.

Now i have put things more into perspective and cleared my mind. Before I was way too emotional and childish.
So I feel regret and want to reconcile.

How do I stay in that friendship without being hurt? How do I suffer less? I mean I still love her. And honestly I realized she didn't do me wrong. Rejection just hurts and isn't as personal as I thought.

[thegambler7]

jUSt move on would be MY AdVicE

[Nature Grows]

Originally Posted by light25

How do I stay in that friendship without being hurt?

Maybe your able to be happy that she is happy with or without you? maybe your not able to do that but if your hurting thats ok, most would be but it wont last, her relationship with her boy friend might not either.

Originally Posted by light25

How do I suffer less?

What you were looking for in her exists in you aswell {Love}you wanted to share your Love with her, she didn't want it so now your hurting , when someone is hurting what makes them feel better? Love, you have Love, when we feel like no one is there for us we are always there for ourselves, now is the time for self Love and healing.

[Shaunc]

I lost a friend like that 20 years ago. We'd been friends for 10 years when it developed into a relationship. Unfortunately it didn't last and it's pretty hard to go back to just being friends after that. I found it easier to just get out of her life completely.

[shoni7510]

Originally Posted by Shaunc

I lost a friend like that 20 years ago. We'd been friends for 10 years when it developed into a relationship. Unfortunately it didn't last and it's pretty hard to go back to just being friends after that. I found it easier to just get out of her life completely.

I had a similar experience and I lost both the friendship and the boyfriend. It is not advisable to date your friend unless you are willing to loose the friendship in the likely event that the dating goes awry.

[kreidebrei]

I would move on. Really what you did was the right thing. Maybe in 10 years or so your feelings will have changed and you can be friends but for now... there are so many people in this world!

[light25]

Originally Posted by Nature Grows

Maybe your able to be happy that she is happy with or without you? maybe your not able to do that but if your hurting thats ok, most would be but it wont last, her relationship with her boy friend might not either.

yeah i have a new perspective on that. I am letting go of the expectation that my love should be returned. in fact love is all about giving. I think I am content with just keep loving her and knowing she is happy, even if it means I am not part of her happiness.
And if it's meant to be, it will happen at the right time.

Originally Posted by Nature Grows

What you were looking for in her exists in you aswell {Love}you wanted to share your Love with her, she didn't want it so now your hurting , when someone is hurting what makes them feel better? Love, you have Love, when we feel like no one is there for us we are always there for ourselves, now is the time for self Love and healing.

That's good advice. It just means that I have to give myself the love I deserve. I have to love myself more and focus on my own path a little more. That's what I have learned from my pain and anger of being rejected. I was focusing too much outside of myself.

Originally Posted by shoni7510

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaunc
I lost a friend like that 20 years ago. We'd been friends for 10 years when it developed into a relationship. Unfortunately it didn't last and it's pretty hard to go back to just being friends after that. I found it easier to just get out of her life completely.

I had a similar experience and I lost both the friendship and the boyfriend. It is not advisable to date your friend unless you are willing to loose the friendship in the likely event that the dating goes awry.

well maybe it's a good idea after all, to not take the risk. But then again life is risky and sometimes you gotta take those risks. But well, if she's not ready, it can't be helped. Love can't be forced.
And staying friends after a relationship is difficult sure. But I also think if both are mature enough, it can work.



I just called her and asked her to be friends again. She is still a little upset, because I was texting her I was gonna end the friendship and then I said I changed my mind etc. I changed my mind too often and was way too emotional. But now I have put things into perspective and know that I don't wanna let go of an amazing person, just because I have feelings for her. I mean the more reason to hold on to that person in my opinion.

But I agree, I am gonna shift my focus on other things/people as well. I am not gonna give her all my attention, but I will keep loving her. I just don't expect my love to be returned. I will just allow any jealousy to be felt, if it comes up. It will just pass through me like a cloud.

[light25]

I just realized it's pretty tough. I tried to let go completely and cut contact, but then it felt horrible. I just immediately regret my decision.

When I told her, that I wanted to be friends again, she said ok. 'Everything's fine' she told me, no need to talk, when I wanted to meet up and talk about things. That kinda hurt because it made me think that she doesn't wanna clear things up with us. Now we haven't talked/texted for weeks.

I'm trying to find more alignment and I realize she naturally starts to fade away. I see her go and it suddnely doesn't feel painful anymore as when I tried to cut her completely out of my life. Now it's a more smooth process. But the tricky part is, that she is also my friend and I don't want to lose her. But I'm afraid the more I distance myself, the more I hurt our friendship.

I don't really know what to do, I feel a little bit lost to be honest..

[Bonge]

I'm sorry that you're in this situation, it must all be very draining for you. I think the best thing you can do right now would be to focus on non-attachment. Continue to love her just much as you do every other soul on this planet, but don't attach to any ideas of what you want to happen between the two of you. Simply allow these events to take place. Often when you let things work out for themselves without any resistance, your greatest desire begins to manifest. People often have clear expectations of the future, and when these expectations are not met it causes a lot of emotional pain. It sounds like this is why you've been through such a hard time. Try not to attach to any ideas of the future and focus on living in the present.

Good luck

I would choose to look at this as a sign. Your not supposed to be with her right now. I personally would be happy about this and go on knowing that if was meant to be then it will.

I personally just broke ties with a friend of 9 years. The reason behind it was because she was co-dependent on me. even though she has a boyfriend. she was incredibly upset because i did not tell her why. If we were meant to be then in time the situation will change. Until that point i had to do whats best for me. Hopefully she will grow out of her need to be completely dependent on others. If not i doubt we will ever reconnect.