My Journey to being on the verge of Atheism...yet want to believe in more

Similar - and on the long route things happened suddenly here and there, flashes on insight.

I lost the OT/Christian God thing for the same reason as you - close on it: if God supposedly created everything then "He" created the evil in the world. If he didn't also create the idea of Satan then he wasn't the only creator. When people claim god gave them free will to choose between good and evil he seems to be a particularly nasty sort, testing his own creations the whole time. None of which rang true. My eyes opened to that very early in life.

So, while I frequently turn to Jesus' teachings, I'm no orthodox Christian. It took some time before I reached where I am now - gnostic which, in one line of thinking, places the Biblical god as a demiurge that went wrong, trying to seize powers that weren't meant for him.

.....

[row37]

Fortunately for me, when I left Christianity, a system of beliefs like almost every other religion, I went right over to Zen Buddhism. There I learned that not only were the questions I had been asking of no value, they weren't in reality either. Zen is a spiritual practice without beliefs of any kind, as belief is just another trap. Saying that sounds strange even now, and I can imagine people thinking "how can you act ethically if you have no beliefs? Someone w/o beliefs could do anything at any time!". It doesn't work that way at all, and anyone who reads a newspaper or turns on a TV quickly sees that the people committing all manner of bad crimes have lots of beliefs. A belief doesn't stop anyone from doing anything, and in many cases a belief gives people justification for their actions.

One of the precepts of Buddhism is to not harm or kill any living being, human or otherwise. If one only did that, then this world would not be what it is. The precepts are not commandments, they are common sense. The 8 fold path is necessary to live a useful and positive life, and is of a much higher consciousness than I was used to. Zen Buddhists are supposed to not fall back on words or writings or teachers, and make things better through our own actions.

So does someone need to be a Buddhist to live an ethical life? Hardly. One needs compassion, and compassion starts w/ ourselves. Until we have compassion for ourselves, warts and all, then we are in no position to offer it to anyone else. You can't give what you ain't got. Like Christ is alleged to have said, all we need to do is love each other. Not said is that we must first start w/ loving ourselves, put our own house in order, then things will take care of themselves. One of the things that attracted me to Buddhism was something the Dali Lama once said, and it's something he has often repeated. He said that the Buddhist scriptures should always be in agreement w/ scientific fact, and if they were later found to be in error, then they needed to be changed. I have never heard of any other spiritual leader saying something like that.

[Within Silence]

Originally Posted by Guard

So, I was raised in a Christian home. But it wasn't overboard or anything. I never had anything forced on me. I just accepted Jesus was the Son of God. I believed the bible stories without even questioning them. I maintained a belief in Christianity for 30 or so years.

I was at one point the member of a praise band even as an adult. I had some controversial scripture discussions from time to time with someone I was in the praise. It got me to thinking deeper and asking more questions of myself as to the truth of my faith. Over many struggles, I started to shed much of what I believed in exchange for rigid non belief. So I went to almost the complete opposite end. I have gone back and forth as to whether or not there is something more after we die. I haven't seen an evidence so far. Yet, I want to believe there is something. And that something is not tied to any specific religion. Because of my Christian faith and shedding my beliefs. I feared of hell for many months. Then anger came over me as how a God can punish his creations in such a way. So I was in a vicious circle for a long time.

I know many will say that I need to find my own way. But has anyone else experienced these kind of roller coaster of beliefs when leaving a long held faith in search of truth.

And lastly...for those that believe in something more. How are you sure there is...something more?

What you're explaining is simply part of your path, it cannot be wrong.

I could dispel the lie that Christianity is in a few paragraphs through the path of enquiry, but this is not the time or place, all I'm saying is it has run its course and you have nothing to fear, many are beginning to see through it and coming out of the conditioning, I recommend staying on your path and not returning to it. The less you immerse yourself in it, the more you realize you do not need it.

Beliefs act as limitations, they are obstacles the mind puts before itself, and then identifies itself as the belief or with the belief, yet there is always something prior to the belief which never changes even if the beliefs do change.

Hence the quote: "Many people don't see their beliefs, their beliefs tell them what to see" and this is to usurp the master of the house with the guest.

Meditation is the prescription to look within for that which never changes, that which in reality cannot be found because it is. Don't try to find what it is , don't try to label it or confine it, like trying to grab a hand full of water it will elude you, but when you simply rest your hand in the water... it is. These words may sound absurd at the moment, but given time understanding will come.

I recommend exploring other religions, other scriptures, I highly recommend Zen & Taoist teachings and Advaita Vedanta if you're looking to be finished once and for all with the limitations of beliefs. Studying other scriptures will help you to see through the limitations and concretized language of the Bible. It does take a little time to decondition/deprogram the mind, but once free...well you'll see.

A few books that have helped me are The Way of Zen by Alan Watts, The Zen Teachings of Huang Po, and of course The Tao Te Ching. We all must find that which resonates with us, you will know it when it does, continue to "ask" "seek" and "knock" until you find that which resonates with you, be fearless in your pursuit, just stay on the path and everything will fall into place.

[Dwerg]

I'm an atheist, I can't be sure there is something more. I could believe there is, but I have no good reason to do so. Atheism is the lack of such unfounded belief, in particular religious beliefs.

Plenty of religious people believe atheists deny the existence of God, but that's not accurate. It's not denial, it's the absence of belief. Like I won't believe there is no God, because I can't possibly know that. I won't believe there is a God either, because I have no reason to believe there is apart from a huge bunch of humans making claims without showing anything for it. I value science, because science clearly shows something to support it's claims.

If there is no way to be sure of something it's not reasonable to assume it's true.

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by Dwerg

I'm an atheist....
If there is no way to be sure of something it's not reasonable
to assume it's true.

I agree. I am a firm believer in 'seeing is believing'.
Why should anyone believe in God?
Because someone told you there was one?
No....I say see for yourself or not...it really doesn't make
any difference in the scheme of things.

(And if you don't know me I am the the biggest believer in God that
you might ever know...my entire life is reliant on God...I depend
on and adore 'Him'..Who has no gender.)

You are fine where you are...believe, do not believe...it's all good. imo.

[Sarian]

Miss Hepburn, I wish you could bottle that love you have and send me some!

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by Sarian

Miss Hepburn, I wish you could bottle that love you have and send me some!

Oh, was that loving? Lol hahahahaha
It was just being ok with 'whatever'! Lol,

People are so used to being judged...and there's no reason for it...
everybody's just fine where they are....unless
they aren't happy that is...then some adjusting would nice to get happy.
Being happy is nice...BUT sometimes being miserable is good to kick you in
the butt to GET to happy.

So see ...it's all perfect in the scheme of things! Miserable, happy, atheist, believer...drunk, sober...
what difference does it make!