I Encounter Aggressive People

[FaithR]

No, I’m not perfect. I’m part human and I do think some negative thoughts. Sometimes I do judge others, but I know and feel how wrong it is and I quickly try to turn my thoughts elsewhere most of the time, but I feel a blockage of emotional expression because I feel like I’m always punishing myself. I have been hurt many times and gone through a long period of vulnerability and pain, and since then, I have always hoped not to experience being hurt from others in the same way. Growing up, I was told that expressing how I feel was a form of victimization. I have learned so much recently in terms of how to communicate with the universe, but then things happen and I feel like I am lost again. I am hurt, confused, and angry, but I always hesitate to express this because most people seem to let it roll off of their back and then I feel hurt again by being an “outsider”. For some reason, I tend to have experiences with people who are rude and aggressive. Firstly, I feel hurt. I always feel as though I am not good enough to be treated with respect. Apparently, I’m not because more than a few people have not treated me as such. Naturally, I think I know the problem, but I am not understanding why I am the one who gets treated as such. I think it’s either because I am nice and respectful, because I have a naturally soft voice, because I don’t wear makeup and I wear comfortable clothes, because I’m young, because people are threatened by my kindness and fear that my intentions are wrong because they are not used to it. Either way, there is no excuse. I am just struggling to see the bigger picture. And then I fear that feeling sad, angry, or hurt because of it will attract the same kinds of people. I have been feeling very optimistic and more peaceful than I have in years. But still, I attract these kinds of people. I really want to kill them when they treat me this way. I thought I was manifesting positive situations and people by affirming and putting in effort towards it. Is it the position of the planets in my birth chart? I think it is, but what is the point? Is it to make me harder? To make me less empathetic and compassionate? To make me less sensitive? If so, I’ve been on this Earth for almost 21 years and it isn’t working. I punish myself because I read that you attract what you put out there and I have only been putting out good. I read that others are a reflection of me and it makes me want to punish myself and I continue to live with guilt. I don’t understand how that could be true of me when I treat others with respect and I am trying to do what I can to treat myself the same way. I also wonder why we are taught to always be in a good mood when humans have emotions other than happiness. When I am sad or hurt, I try not to take it out on my relatives and I sure as Hell don’t take it out on strangers, so why have we been taught that out natural emotions push people away, especially if we are dealing with them privately and personally? Someone please help me. How can I continue to believe I’m worthy of respect when I continue not to be treated as such?

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by FaithR

No, I’m not perfect. I’m part human and I do think some negative thoughts. Sometimes I do judge others, but I know and feel how wrong it is and I quickly try to turn my thoughts elsewhere most of the time, but I feel a blockage of emotional expression because I feel like I’m always punishing myself. I have been hurt many times and gone through a long period of vulnerability and pain, and since then, I have always hoped not to experience being hurt from others in the same way. Growing up, I was told that expressing how I feel was a form of victimization. I have learned so much recently in terms of how to communicate with the universe, but then things happen and I feel like I am lost again. I am hurt, confused, and angry, but I always hesitate to express this because most people seem to let it roll off of their back and then I feel hurt again by being an “outsider”. For some reason, I tend to have experiences with people who are rude and aggressive. Firstly, I feel hurt. I always feel as though I am not good enough to be treated with respect. Apparently, I’m not because more than a few people have not treated me as such. Naturally, I think I know the problem, but I am not understanding why I am the one who gets treated as such. I think it’s either because I am nice and respectful, because I have a naturally soft voice, because I don’t wear makeup and I wear comfortable clothes, because I’m young, because people are threatened by my kindness and fear that my intentions are wrong because they are not used to it. Either way, there is no excuse. I am just struggling to see the bigger picture. And then I fear that feeling sad, angry, or hurt because of it will attract the same kinds of people. I have been feeling very optimistic and more peaceful than I have in years. But still, I attract these kinds of people. I really want to kill them when they treat me this way. I thought I was manifesting positive situations and people by affirming and putting in effort towards it. Is it the position of the planets in my birth chart? I think it is, but what is the point? Is it to make me harder? To make me less empathetic and compassionate? To make me less sensitive? If so, I’ve been on this Earth for almost 21 years and it isn’t working. I punish myself because I read that you attract what you put out there and I have only been putting out good. I read that others are a reflection of me and it makes me want to punish myself and I continue to live with guilt. I don’t understand how that could be true of me when I treat others with respect and I am trying to do what I can to treat myself the same way. I also wonder why we are taught to always be in a good mood when humans have emotions other than happiness. When I am sad or hurt, I try not to take it out on my relatives and I sure as Hell don’t take it out on strangers, so why have we been taught that out natural emotions push people away, especially if we are dealing with them privately and personally? Someone please help me. How can I continue to believe I’m worthy of respect when I continue not to be treated as such?

Sorry that you feel so. It is good that you ask yourself and others, but it is difficult to sift through the answers. How can you know what is the right answer for you?

About attracting, and affirmations ... You attract in kind to your emotions and beliefs, all the time, not only when you purposefully affirm something. You attract in kind, not identical, so you have to change your beliefs, the way you feel, your thoughts, in order to change your reality.

You can't change others, so the better solution is to drop them off of your reality. If they're family, you might just want to put some emotional distance.

You have to find your path in life on all the levels: career, family, friends, beliefs. It takes growing up, but if you are aware of the process, think purposefully about it, it is likely to do better. You also have to be patient, because growing up, and changes take time. Many such things obey the 80/20 law: it takes 20% off effort to accomplish 80% of the goal (so to achieve 100% you have to put in 400% more effort than you put to achieve the first 80% of the goal).

Life is a progression. In childhood a human is dominated by instincts; a youth by emotions; an adult should be dominated by intellect; then experience and personal development should lead you to intuition. Not all people develop the same way, and in the same degree, depending on their spirit's evolvement, and of the way they deal with circumstances using their free will.

You say that you prefer to behave, dress, act in some ways that others don't appreciate. You can't make them appreciate what they don't. People are the way they are; they rarely truly change, even when they know they should. Try to get the company of the people you trust and respect, not of those that are popular, vocal, shiny. Remember too, that in some of the differences of opinion you might be the one that is mistaken.

You're young and have a lot of life ahead of you, with a true potential to be a great life. Don't neglect school and career! Don't neglect family and good / real friends either!

Good luck!

[Grace222]

Hi FaithR,

Inavalan had some great things to say.

I just want to add a couple of things. One, I really enjoyed and found it helpful to read the "Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's not long at all, but had some great insights about how others perceive us (and likewise we perceive others) and how to process any negative projections based on those perceptions. Second, this morning I just read something about self love that seemed applicable: "Self love: It doesn't mean everyone will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It means you won't let them change the way you see yourself; nor will you stick around for them to destroy you." People with their inner storms will always be around to cross one's path, but this challenges our soul to learn and acknowledge our worth and to grow resilience and wisdom when other's don't see their own and play that outward on others.

Best wishes to you,

Grace

[Miss Hepburn]

Hi, you said you only put out good.
Remember you also have to put out strong, confident and clear.

Stand erect and straight. Walk with power.
An idea, since this is happening to you, is take a martial arts class of your choice...they will
teach you to project strength inside a quiet attitude.

Start with visualizing yourself being strong and confident in situations...
picture yourself as a take charge person in emergencies, keeping calm.
Be a magnet to people drawn to your kindness and clarity, wisdom will follow,
because it's in you.

[Empowers]

Everyone has some good suggestions and thoughts for you. I just want to add a few more.

Expressing your emotions is not a bad thing. There is a confrontational way and a non confrontational way to express them. You may want to look at what you say when you express them. It's important to keep others out of your emotions. If you feel a certain way, it is ok to say "I feel sad". The confrontational way is to make accusations of the other person like "you make me feel sad". No one likes to be accused of anything.

The way to express that your sadness is connected to a certain event or individual is to say "when you don't speak to me (as an example), I feel sad." This points out a behavior and a feeling. Again, it is non-accusational.

The key to non-inflammatory communication is to reframe your statements.

As well, it's important when attempting to change your vibratory state (your point of attraction) that you start noticing when you are making your happiness dependent on another person or thing. That is a never ending chase and you may want to look for processes to help you loosen your hold on what the outer world must be like for you to be happy.

There will always be people that will push your buttons. They are the way they are because that is their business. Your business, is to decide and then act in accordance with who you are and who you want to be.

Lastly, you can't demand respect. You can't even ask for respect. You must BE respect and then you will get respect, without even asking.

There are so many options for growth out there. Put aside your fears that nothing will change and start participating in that change. You can't just affirm your way to change, you must delve into the processes and the learning and the practice. You must BE the change that you are looking for because others are not going to change to please you. That's not their business.

Be gentle with yourself. And be gentle with them. We're all in this together.

<3

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Hi, you said you only put out good.
Remember you also have to put out strong, confident and clear.

Stand erect and straight. Walk with power.
An idea, since this is happening to you, is take a martial arts class of your choice...they will
teach you to project strength inside a quiet attitude.

Start with visualizing yourself being strong and confident in situations...
picture yourself as a take charge person in emergencies, keeping calm.
Be a magnet to people drawn to your kindness and clarity, wisdom will follow,
because it's in you.

Dead on. That's where it's at. It'll take a little while but with perseverance the thing will transform.
.

[FaithR]

Originally Posted by inavalan

Sorry that you feel so. It is good that you ask yourself and others, but it is difficult to sift through the answers. How can you know what is the right answer for you?

About attracting, and affirmations ... You attract in kind to your emotions and beliefs, all the time, not only when you purposefully affirm something. You attract in kind, not identical, so you have to change your beliefs, the way you feel, your thoughts, in order to change your reality.

You can't change others, so the better solution is to drop them off of your reality. If they're family, you might just want to put some emotional distance.

You have to find your path in life on all the levels: career, family, friends, beliefs. It takes growing up, but if you are aware of the process, think purposefully about it, it is likely to do better. You also have to be patient, because growing up, and changes take time. Many such things obey the 80/20 law: it takes 20% off effort to accomplish 80% of the goal (so to achieve 100% you have to put in 400% more effort than you put to achieve the first 80% of the goal).

Life is a progression. In childhood a human is dominated by instincts; a youth by emotions; an adult should be dominated by intellect; then experience and personal development should lead you to intuition. Not all people develop the same way, and in the same degree, depending on their spirit's evolvement, and of the way they deal with circumstances using their free will.

You say that you prefer to behave, dress, act in some ways that others don't appreciate. You can't make them appreciate what they don't. People are the way they are; they rarely truly change, even when they know they should. Try to get the company of the people you trust and respect, not of those that are popular, vocal, shiny. Remember too, that in some of the differences of opinion you might be the one that is mistaken.

You're young and have a lot of life ahead of you, with a true potential to be a great life. Don't neglect school and career! Don't neglect family and good / real friends either!

Good luck!

Hi, I think you were stating some things unnecessarily and I wasn't understanding your point on some things, but I am grateful that you are trying to help me.

[FaithR]

Originally Posted by Grace222

Hi FaithR,

Inavalan had some great things to say.

I just want to add a couple of things. One, I really enjoyed and found it helpful to read the "Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's not long at all, but had some great insights about how others perceive us (and likewise we perceive others) and how to process any negative projections based on those perceptions. Second, this morning I just read something about self love that seemed applicable: "Self love: It doesn't mean everyone will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It means you won't let them change the way you see yourself; nor will you stick around for them to destroy you." People with their inner storms will always be around to cross one's path, but this challenges our soul to learn and acknowledge our worth and to grow resilience and wisdom when other's don't see their own and play that outward on others.

Best wishes to you,

Grace

Hi, I agree with you and since I created this thread, I have learned more about loving myself and what comes with it. I had to learn that not only should I allow people's negativity to break me, but I should not allow people's positive actions make me. I AM.

[FaithR]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

Hi, you said you only put out good.
Remember you also have to put out strong, confident and clear.

Stand erect and straight. Walk with power.
An idea, since this is happening to you, is take a martial arts class of your choice...they will
teach you to project strength inside a quiet attitude.

Start with visualizing yourself being strong and confident in situations...
picture yourself as a take charge person in emergencies, keeping calm.
Be a magnet to people drawn to your kindness and clarity, wisdom will follow,
because it's in you.

Strong, confident, and clear is good... and I agree with you very much so. This is something I had to learn. I learned that even if I don't initially feel confident, acting as though I am is only going to instill it within me. I am learning so much and I think children should be taught this. I think it probably would have benefited me well if my parents taught me this. I can't say that I am very interested in martial arts, but I don't think that it's a bad idea. Thanks for the insight!

[FaithR]

Originally Posted by Empowers

Everyone has some good suggestions and thoughts for you. I just want to add a few more.

Expressing your emotions is not a bad thing. There is a confrontational way and a non confrontational way to express them. You may want to look at what you say when you express them. It's important to keep others out of your emotions. If you feel a certain way, it is ok to say "I feel sad". The confrontational way is to make accusations of the other person like "you make me feel sad". No one likes to be accused of anything.

The way to express that your sadness is connected to a certain event or individual is to say "when you don't speak to me (as an example), I feel sad." This points out a behavior and a feeling. Again, it is non-accusational.

The key to non-inflammatory communication is to reframe your statements.

As well, it's important when attempting to change your vibratory state (your point of attraction) that you start noticing when you are making your happiness dependent on another person or thing. That is a never ending chase and you may want to look for processes to help you loosen your hold on what the outer world must be like for you to be happy.

There will always be people that will push your buttons. They are the way they are because that is their business. Your business, is to decide and then act in accordance with who you are and who you want to be.

Lastly, you can't demand respect. You can't even ask for respect. You must BE respect and then you will get respect, without even asking.

There are so many options for growth out there. Put aside your fears that nothing will change and start participating in that change. You can't just affirm your way to change, you must delve into the processes and the learning and the practice. You must BE the change that you are looking for because others are not going to change to please you. That's not their business.

Be gentle with yourself. And be gentle with them. We're all in this together.

<3

I am mainly stating this about strangers... and I stated that I feel like I cannot express myself, so if I do not express myself, I wouldn't be able to express myself in a confrontational manner.

I think some people need to know that they cause other people to feel sadness because even if we word it differently, we are still showing that person that their actions make us feel a certain way, although I don't think I would word it as "you make me feel sad". It's only a matter of time, though, before people start to become affected by someone's negativity and I think that person needs to be aware of it...

I don't think I should rely on someone else to make me happy, but I won't act like it doesn't sadden me to have someone treat me less than I deserve... but I think since I started this thread, I'm learning how even that certain sadness is teaching me how to care for myself and it's affecting me less negatively than it used to.

As far as me respecting myself, I agree and maybe you are right that I will get respect without even asking... I always felt like I had to defend myself to get respect... after someone had already disrespected me because this is how I was treated and it was tiring me out... I don't think I respected myself or believed in myself enough and that is something I'm still working on and it's not easy. Still, do I think there is any excuse at all for unnecessarily disrespecting someone? Hell no.

Also, I stated in my post that I am not only affirming and speaking change, but that I am putting in the "effort" towards it and by effort, I should have put "actions" because that is what I actually meant. I definitely don't think I can just go around talking the talk.