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  #1  
Old 26-01-2018, 05:42 PM
Soul Renew Soul Renew is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: In a state of renewal, re-discovery
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Sometimes Feel Like Crying Joyfully?

Randomly wanted to say first - I changed my avatar pic!

Anyways, recently, there have been times when I feel such warmth in my heart which makes me feel like crying.
But it doesn't really come out, it's just that feeling of beginning to cry joyfully. When I focus on it more, sometimes I laugh.

I saw how sunny it was outside and it reminded me of the warm spring to come and it made me want to cry happily.

This feeling is like seeing someone you love very much, that someone you haven't seen in so so long, like 50 years, and you just want to squish them in your arms and cry crazily and just love them

It really feels as if I'm experiencing a reunion, as if someone has come back when I thought they were gone for good.
Writing this makes me want to cry. omg it's like if I had a lover gone off to war and someone told me he's dead or missing and he surprises me 50 years later that he's still alive!! omg i want to cry!!!! (but i cant because my dad is sleeping in the next room xP)

But I don't know where the source is coming from.
I wish there actually was someone who made feel like that. "I missed you, I love you, I'm so glad you're alive, I'm so happy, I love you so much!!! " I want to say.

About two years ago when I went through the dark night of the soul, I had these feelings as if I were reborn and I looked at everything with such appreciation. It was a feeling as if I should've been dead, but I'm here to see beauty again, in a world i thought I'd never see again. I cried thinking about that. It felt like I was given another chance to live when I should've died.
I know it doesn't make sense, but this is what I feel and it makes me want to become a better person and become love.
To love as best I can.

But though i think these thoughts, I still have a lot to learn and I am not ready to love so much. I feel I need to take steps first, like clearing out my suppressed negative emotions and deconditioning childhood deceptions.

This feeling makes me feel like I don't want to ever hurt anyone because everything really is precious. If we really are connected as one, then I should not hurt others. I would be hurting myself.

When I was a kid I wanted to save everyone, but I knew I couldn't...
I remember watching this movie, i think it was called "Knowing," and the main adult characters were trying hard to stop a human extinction, but in the end, they failed and went to be with their loved ones one last time before they died.
I remember crying so hard at the end.
I didn't want them all to be exterminated.

Also, I don't know if I had a past life, but I have felt such great feelings that have never happened to me before. For example, I felt like I've lost everything, my home, family, children, lover, and was left alone with regret and suffering.
When I felt that, I felt like I wanted to see them all again so I can treat them and love them better.

I was very curious about past life regression when I heard about it, but now i'm scared to go through with it if given the opportunity.
I've discovered fears during the dark night of the soul that link to events that never happened to me in this life. I'm scared to talk about it, but the fears relate to continuous, corruptive abuse ...
If it confirms true, I may not trust anyone ever again, or go insane.

Whoa, this took a turn.... o.o
Sorry >.<
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The soul is just as important as the body, but maybe even more so because it cannot be seen physically. Therefore, when it is in pain, it's vulnerable to the worse kinds of suffering.
The fragile is most precious.
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  #2  
Old 14-04-2018, 01:21 PM
Nameless Nameless is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Over the Rainbow
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Hi Soul Renew - Just a Hello - I know this thread is months old, but wanted to stop by and say Hey. I read another thread of yours about having social anxiety but it was in the Happy Section and didn't want to comment, other than Awesome - great you are volunteering!

To this post - I think the love and appreciation you feel is what we all feel underneath, for ourselves and others, it is just buried and when it emerges it feels so wonderful. I believe that is what we all feel before we come down here to experience life on this planet. Your soul is this powerful, loving being who connects us to the earth and the sky. Our brain, however, gets in the way of allowing our soul to shine through.

I just wanted to say, regarding social anxiety, that for me, it was sort of 50/50. I believe mine came from 50% I was born that way because I wanted to learn how to overcome it, and 50% was my childhood, which was full of chaos and yelling and negativity (even though there was a lot of positivity and love in there underneath it all) but I believe I picked my family to help me overcome this, and on the Other Side, before we come here, they were all like - Sure, I'll help you....how nice of them :)

I have overcome mine. It feels amazing to be able to do something with ease that you could never have done as a child, and always feared.

For me, it stemmed from complete and utter shyness, and a lack of self esteem, even though there were moments of great self esteem, when it came to other people, I always viewed them through the lens of - they are judging me - and look at me, I am unworthy to be judged. So I judged myself before anyone could get there.

Here's a few things that might help - just passing it on.

To build your self esteem, that is an inside job. Find something you love to do, that you would do for free the rest of your life if you got to do that for a job, and then try to find work in that category. Maybe an internship (if you still are looking for work) where people are willing to train you (for free - you don't usually get paid) but that you could learn from who have a lot of knowledge in that field. It is a lot easier to get an unpaid internship than a paying job. If you can afford to do that for awhile, then you can get some skills in that field that you love. But first, you have to know what it is you love to do. And don't make the internship too long, or then they may take advantage. I would set a limit in the beginning for how long you could do that - maybe 2 months in the summer. Be their Gopher (that's what we used to call it) which means if they need lunch, you go for it for them, if they need to run to the store, you go for it for them, things like that. YOu do the small jobs so you can learn what it is they are doing - they get something out of it, you get something out of it.

2 other things to try that helped me tremendously:
1) Look yourself in the mirror every morning and tell yourself out loud that you love yourself. Do this every day. I still do this. You will be surprised what you find out about yourself doing this one small thing.
2) Tell yourself every morning, it never matters what others think about me, it only matters what I think about me. Tell yourself you are changing your beliefs to believe this one thing.

It may help, when doing #2, to realize that other people are not usually thinking about you at all. They are worried how other people will see them. We all judge ourselves so harshly over what other people will think about us, but really it is not true. They are not thinking about us, even when we are in front of them, they are still focused on themselves. So that lets you off the hook about caring what others think about you. Remember, it never matters what other people think, it only matters what you think.

No one person is any "better" than anyone else. We are all the same, we all came from God, we are all a part of God, we are all our individual, unique piece of God exploring this wonderful, amazing planet.

Feel free to PM me if you need some advice, or a hug :)

Peace.
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  #3  
Old 17-05-2018, 01:01 AM
Soul Renew Soul Renew is offline
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Location: In a state of renewal, re-discovery
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Thank you so much for your reply!
I've been away for some time now, but for good reasons.
I felt I needed time on my own for inner healing and much has happened within me!
I realized that in the past I have been distracting myself. I need to listen to my heart more and give myself the care I need.

Your thoughts have been very helpful to me!
I'm actually trying to encourage myself more and I have told myself a few times in the mirror, "You're beautiful."
It's been a tough journey to loving and healing myself, but I'm thankful of every help and reminder along the way.
Lots of my beliefs come from bad conditioning and it's really hard to de-condition from some heavy habits.
I've also realized I had unconsciously copied bad habits from those who have hurt me. I'm trying to break those habits and it helped to find the source.

But I also know that feeling of being able to do something you once feared so much. Even little things that people would have been comfortable doing at an earlier age. Conquering personal fears feels like leveling up! lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nameless
"Find something you love to do, that you would do for free the rest of your life if you got to do that for a job"

Wow, that really made me think. One major reason for my depression is losing interest and passion and things I used to love.
Currently, I'm at that point where I'm trying to pick up my broken pieces and I'm wondering, what exactly do I want to do?
That really gives me a start! Thank you!
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The soul is just as important as the body, but maybe even more so because it cannot be seen physically. Therefore, when it is in pain, it's vulnerable to the worse kinds of suffering.
The fragile is most precious.
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  #4  
Old 17-05-2018, 12:10 PM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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To cry with love and joy is a beautiful thing.

Sometimes, I will see a glorious act of nature, really nice art, a child at play, be praying in thankfulness to my Lord, and I will feel a very deep peace and be inspired.

There is something that happens a lot though, a barrier I'm trying to overcome...in that I will feel all choked up, tears will sting my eyes and I will feel like crying...like letting it all out to express the full love and happiness I feel...but that's as far as it goes....and when I think about how I feel, the whole sensation stops.
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  #5  
Old 17-05-2018, 05:05 PM
Soul Renew Soul Renew is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shivani Devi
To cry with love and joy is a beautiful thing.

Sometimes, I will see a glorious act of nature, really nice art, a child at play, be praying in thankfulness to my Lord, and I will feel a very deep peace and be inspired.

There is something that happens a lot though, a barrier I'm trying to overcome...in that I will feel all choked up, tears will sting my eyes and I will feel like crying...like letting it all out to express the full love and happiness I feel...but that's as far as it goes....and when I think about how I feel, the whole sensation stops.

That's beautiful indeed. I think it's wonderful to be so easily moved.

When you described feeling a barrier, that's exactly how I felt at the time!
In a silly way, it's like feeling the urge to burp rising and rising and just when you open your mouth to let it out, suddenly there's no burp.
It just disappeared
lol I couldn't think of any other analogy.

But in the time i've been gone, I've been emerging myself in inner healing which felt like I was literally digging into my soul
and one by one, pieces of suppressed wounds revealed themselves and I went through a painful healing process.
I cried so SO much and comforted as best as I could.
Just yesterday, I struck gold and found the biggest wound of my life from childhood.
This was the biggest one I tried to deny, and even forgot, and I came face to face with my inner child. The one that needed healing the most.
Oh my gosh, it was like a dam just collapsed inside of me and I felt like a lot of pressure just released itself from my head.
It felt soooo relieving!
It was an emotional wound inside my soul that I had denied and suppressed that over the years, it was the most rotted wound within me.
Since I discovered it and have been giving myself the needed comfort, I've felt it easier to tear up than usual.
I've also felt more compassionate where I had not been.

All this time, I've just been dying to be heard and comforted deep, deep inside. The barrier was me denying my emotional wounds, my soul needs.

Now, I'm trying to listen to my soul more and be more compassionate on myself.

Much love on your journey.
__________________
The soul is just as important as the body, but maybe even more so because it cannot be seen physically. Therefore, when it is in pain, it's vulnerable to the worse kinds of suffering.
The fragile is most precious.
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