Antisocial people hidding behind their mask of sanity

[smilingsun]

I know this isn't going to a very light post, but it's good to be informed to be able to detect toxic people who pretends to be your best friend or lover. Someone i know met someone of this kind and hopefully left soon enough.
One thing to know is there is nothing to do except to leave and go no contact with these antisocial people.

[Robot]

that's funny lol I suspect my tf of having some borderline traits and ik I'm trying to be less of a narcissist. was really bad about it years back.

[Vulpecula]

I'd just like to remind people to choose observation over judgment.

You may be dealing with a narcissist, you may also be dealing with someone who has other issues or problems.. Try to observe and understand as oppose to judge and presume.

My ex was a nut, but I observed and understand why. Unfortunately she didn't accept help so the relationship was done. She is a lot better now.

If she'd accepted help back then, it would be safe to say we would still be together. At very least, it would have been a happier time in our lives. Instead of judging, I observed and understood.

[Mused]

Just like its easy to fall into idealizing a version of the perfect soul mate it's also easy to demonize someone and blame them for everything. Imo those articles take things to another extreme. I agree with Vulpecula ...

[smilingsun]

Originally Posted by Mused

Just like its easy to fall into idealizing a version of the perfect soul mate it's also easy to demonize someone and blame them for everything. Imo those articles take things to another extreme. I agree with Vulpecula ...

These article are just pointing out a very real thing. There is no demonizing just explaining what is true but counter intuitive for good hearted people.
These articles talk about high functioning psychopath and very often, the victims of these people are empaths who can stay in an abusive relationship for years because they try to understand the abuser, while don't seeing their are being manipulated.

[smilingsun]

Originally Posted by Vulpecula

I'd just like to remind people to choose observation over judgment.

You may be dealing with a narcissist, you may also be dealing with someone who has other issues or problems.. Try to observe and understand as oppose to judge and presume.

My ex was a nut, but I observed and understand why. Unfortunately she didn't accept help so the relationship was done. She is a lot better now.

If she'd accepted help back then, it would be safe to say we would still be together. At very least, it would have been a happier time in our lives. Instead of judging, I observed and understood.

Vulpecula, understanding is key to relationships and it is my philosophy but there i'm talking about about a different kind of people than your ex.

It's simple really. Go out with people, get to know them before you make any "unwritten" commitment like jumping into the nearest bed.

People always behave themselves in the early days but once those explorations are over they start to revert to their usual selves. It's then that troubles start. And it's the same for both partners in whatever. It takes at least two to make a problem.

If you're going out with someone and find you don't like / don't trust them, ease yourself out of it. Okay it may take discomfort, it may even expose you to danger; it'll certainly be inconvenient if you've come to rely on them, say, financially or sexually - but if you really don't want a lifetime of that person be honest. Break away.

.....

[Mused]

I agree abuse can be insidious and it's a real issue. I also know people are easy to diagnose others with psychopathy etc just because things didn't work out. Some empaths have their own issues (btw how would you define a empath?) and people should also take a look at self and learn what makes them stay in such a relationship.

[smilingsun]

Originally Posted by Mused

I agree abuse can be insidious and it's a real issue. I also know people are easy to diagnose others with psychopathy etc just because things didn't work out. Some empaths have their own issues (btw how would you define a empath?) and people should also take a look at self and learn what makes them stay in such a relationship.

For sure, you must really know what you're talking about and be sure about it and ask for professional or expert feedback before labelling someone as a narcissist or psychopath.
Often it can take a long time, in some cases many years for victims to realise the depth of abuse they have endured. It's often with the help of internet they realise that their husband or wive was a psychopath or sociopath.
That's why i posted the links in my first post, i'm a little sad they have been removed because they were very good one and written by people who really know in depth this problem. There is a similarity with a cult because the victim don't realise their are being manipulated. And even the entourage don't realize what is going on sadly.

^^ I suppose the links were taken out because barrack-room psychology can be dangerous especially to the vulnerable. They can jump to all kinds of erroneous conclusions. It can worsen their situation. I'm no fan of psychology but even arriving at DSM diagnoses usually entails history taking. which in turn needs specialised questions and a completely impartial report of the answers for analysis.

It's difficult otherwise unless one is mentally stable. Perhaps it was thought that, given the vulnerability of a few members here, it might be better to avoid the material.

I know about abuse but as I was able to insulate myself from it (spiritually) to some extent so got back on an even keel fairly quickly. I mentioned elsewhere I think, that that was the basis of my spiritual interests. Others have not been so lucky. But one way it's affected me is that even a whiff of controlling or overbearing from a guy and he's shown the door. Prevention being better than cure in a relationship, I think.