Marriage

You're very knowledgeable, Colorful-Chameleon. At least, from what I've read from you here on this thread, about women's history. It's quite interesting! I never think about it much anymore, especially since a lot of the people who tried to box me in due to race or gender are either not directly involved in my life or dead, but you certainly know your stuff!

Originally Posted by Colorful-Chameleon

Hehe...

Sometimes I think that (for me) marriage simply means making a commitment to a life long friendship because first and fore most... my partner and I are best friends.

But your right, in westernised cultures it is quite difficult to define what marriage even really means these days.

If I asked my partners mother though... I am sure she would say that to her it is about making a deeper and more anchored commitment to love, friendship and... well... plain old persistence.

Probably the freedom we have now days is being able to bring a greater level of (personalised) spirituality into the mix... which a positive thing.

I personally would like to feel like (if I was getting married) it is really important for me to feel that both parties are balanced and whole in self and are able to bring that same balance into the marriage.
Culture and lifestyles have changed alot over the last 6 or so decades... for some reason the way that marriage is still represented hasn't quite moved along with it all.

but ultimately, as confusing as it all is... I am glad that now days we have the freedom to define these things for ourselves... hey, in my mother's day I would already have been expected to be married off (to someone the church deemed fit) and prob would have popped a few kids out by now...

Enough of my rambles!

Awww congratulations fennel. I have a hard time believing that they'd hold out for much longer. When I think of the legal implications, it does make a difference. Just to be recognized as something more is a very special thing.

Originally Posted by fennel

I hope you don't mind my adding my two cent's worth.

I am a lesbian. I have been with my partner for over fifteen years. I agree with you that terms like "bf, gf, partner" don't really do justice to the length and depth of our involvement.

When we'd been together for two years, we had a public faux wedding, invited all our friends and family. I live in a state where gay marriage is not recognized. It was our way of trying to convey the depth of our commitment to each other.

Three years ago, our state passed a domestic partners bill that allowed us to become more legally entwined, so we immediately jumped aboard and paid the $ and signed the documents to get more "legal". This is about basic stuff, like being able to be at the other's bedside during a hospital crisis, being able to convey property to the other, etc.

Two months ago, there was a one week window of possibility of legal marriage for us before the supreme court justice here put a "stay" on it. During that week, we moved heaven and earth to become legally married. I imagine that as of this moment, we are not "officially" married because of the stay...but, I can tell you that when the justice declared us married, we both wept. It felt completely different.

I'm a romantic, but to me, it's about saying that you are truly invested in this other person...it says that you're not going to pack your bags and leave if the going gets rough- and the going will get rough, occasionally. It's about being as intertwined, emotionally and legally, as you can get with the person you love.

So, it's not just a piece of paper...but, you know that.

Good luck with your period of introspection.

My SO isn't ready to be married and is scared to get engaged too because he associates it with a speedy wedding, which I'm not ready for because I have other plans. It kind of sucks for me because I'm ready to go on to the next stage, which to me is engagement and living together and he wants the reverse, to live together and then get engaged. But our talks have been enlightening.

[Renessme]

Originally Posted by Colorful-Chameleon

that whole 'women being more ready... marriage, kids... princess stuff' is just another stereotype fed to us and I am pretty sick of that darn sterotype (no offense).

most of the women I know have a completely different focus beyond that...
Im in a long term partnership. . . I pretty much have no desire for marriage and and I have never been the kind of girl who dreamt of marriage or kids.

I am quite happy with companionship without marriage.

Yes not all. But majority are. This is what the show is pointing out. Some werent even ready but in one exercise i was surprised how majority of these women wanted to get marriwd right away. And those that didnt declin3d so for trivial reasons like lack of preparation --- the grand wedding they have been dreaming. Which points at why a young girl would start dreaming about her own wedding right after knowing her first fairy tale... and they live happily ever after... that was the promise of the fairy tale. But reality is marriage is work. The wedding is only gonna last a day but the marriage? Most probably a lifetime.

[fennel]

Originally Posted by Royalite

My SO isn't ready to be married and is scared to get engaged too because he associates it with a speedy wedding, which I'm not ready for because I have other plans. It kind of sucks for me because I'm ready to go on to the next stage, which to me is engagement and living together and he wants the reverse, to live together and then get engaged. But our talks have been enlightening.

Royalite,
How long have you two been together?

Originally Posted by fennel

Royalite,
How long have you two been together?

I would say almost 2 years.

[fennel]

Originally Posted by Royalite

I would say almost 2 years.

Two years is sufficient to know if you're in, or you're out. Are you living together?

Originally Posted by fennel

Two years is sufficient to know if you're in, or you're out. Are you living together?

Nope. That's the thing! He says he's all in but he wants to live together first before engagement and marriage(he sees it as one). I want to get engaged first and then live together for a year or two and then get married.

[fennel]

Originally Posted by Royalite

Nope. That's the thing! He says he's all in but he wants to live together first before engagement and marriage(he sees it as one). I want to get engaged first and then live together for a year or two and then get married.

You are right...I am afraid that he might never be "ready" to commit to you. Are you certain that you are meant to be together?

Originally Posted by fennel

You are right...I am afraid that he might never be "ready" to commit to you. Are you certain that you are meant to be together?

Yes, I think so.