So many questions, so confused

Originally Posted by Westleigh

I am so sorry for your losses. I can feel the pain you are in from your posts.

I know it's the absolute hardest thing to do when you are hurting, but the best way to connect most closely with your wife is to raise your emotional vibration - that is, you must feel joy when you think of her, instead of pain. Focus on your most wonderful memories together and try to feel the joy of them instead of the loss. Of course it will take a lot of time to be able to do this, but it is in feelings of love, joy and gratitude that we are most closely connected with the spirit world. When we are sad, grieving and fearful it is almost impossible for spirit to connect to us. You can be sure that she is with you, no matter the degree to which you are able to feel her presence, and those in spirit always hear us when we talk to them.

Your wife will not progress ahead of you. Time in the spirit world is whatever those in it want it to be, and closely bonded spirits travel together forever. Of course your wife will look exactly as you remember her when it is your time and she comes to meet you, and you can do and be everything you ever did together on Earth. Heaven is anything you wish it to be and if you want to spend the rest of eternity in her arms then that is exactly what you can do.

I really feel for you and I hope you can find peace with the way things are.

Bless you for that if I could 100% believe that idea of eternity then I could carry on with this life a bit easier.
What a lovely thing to say :-)

Mike

Oh I really feel for you Mike. I lost my 13 year old grandson a few weeks ago. I noticed Shaya sent you a post-she has been particulary helpful to me. Kind thoughts and blessings to you. You are not alone.

Originally Posted by HalfaMan

Hello

I have already posted in the welcome board but would like to ask for some help in understanding and maybe getting communications going.

To my disbelief and shock I lost my wife, soul mate and best friend to cancer August 09.
Her passing was unexpected and occurred within a week and a half.
We had been one since 1991 when we met physically and had been pen pals for about a year prior to that.

I left home to be with her and she was my first serious relationship and of course must be my last.

I often used to wonder at the power of her love for me and did my best to return it.
We were one, both Gemini her being six years older than I.
I am 45 now.

7 months later I lost mum to the same evil disease and that to has left me empty and now lost.

Nobody to really talk to anymore.

You can find more detail in the welcome board.

So, lets get started.

My soul is screaming and my heart really is broken, such that I have had physical symptoms of a heart attack.

I feel lost, so very alone and empty.

For about three weeks after she passed there was a very strong presence here! this has now gone.
There have been little signs that I could say were her.
I have had three readings and while helpful I find it too hard that the easy way we communicated is now lost to me.

I don't sleep well, have constant nightmares and think about her every moment almost.

I am back at work, this is good in some ways but is shift work and safety critical.

Counselling has been done and I did not find it helped.

Every fibre of my being was invested in my lady and so I feel cast adrift.

How can I make myself more open for communication?
Will she be able to wait for me or will she have to progress so that when I get there she will be too far above me?
Will heaven really be our heaven?
Will we be able to cuddle and kiss and be as we were?
Will she speak and have the body I loved so well?

Sorry so many questions.

She was also a most talented singer :-) I am so proud of that and I was able to produce several YouTube videos of her singing one of which won a NME award just 2 days after she passed.
I understand I can't share links with you yet but if you go to youtube and look up 'SussexAngel' channel you should find her.

Thanks dear friends for any help and guidance you can give.


Mike

Hello Mike, I am deeply sorry for the pain you are feeling due to your loss, I am glad you are looking for answers and delving into spirituality, because that can make the mourning process a lot easier for us to get through. You still have to remember to take care of yourself in every other way, because the mourning process takes time to get through, such as remembering the stages, loving yourself, and making sure you attend to earthly things like talking to people about the pain and feelings.
It becomes easier, to accept that our loved ones have passed, when we find out they are still with us, still alive, just in a different form, and that they are happy where they are.

The main aspects of being "open" for communication are just that. You need to believe somewhat, and be open to her presence, which should come easy to you, because you love her dearly.
All you have to do, if you want to talk to her, is talk to her. You can even talk to her out loud, or in your mind, and she will hear you. Now if you want to hear her as well, it becomes a little more complicated, as humans, our minds can be stubborn. Sometimes, it is easier to ask our dead loved ones, to come to us in our dreams. Fall asleep with the intention of meeting her in a dream, and remember, that if you do ever see her in a dream, that is spiritual, and do not dismiss it, as just a dream. Another thing that is easier, is to be in a very exhausted state, being very tired, makes it easier for us to perceive the spiritual. Another very helpful thing to do is to first learn relaxation techniques, then visualization techniques, and meditation. Most times we will be able to communicate there. Spirits also, communicate with us in very simple ways we usually ignore. Such as, if a song comes on, and it reminds you of her, that is a sign that she is communicating with you. Once you tell her you want to connect, try to observe your surroundings, you may find signs in the oddest of places. Be aware of the signs all around you. The most common thing we ignore, is if a sudden thought pops up in our mind, and it is unordinary to what you usually think, that is usually them. On another level, if you are thinking of her frequently, she is probably there with you.

She is your soul mate, thus she will always be your soul mate, and she will be there waiting for you.

Will heaven really be your heaven? Of course. Just because there are so many different religions and beliefs out there, doesn't mean the "death realm" is any different. They are just different names for the same place. If you call it heaven, that that it is. Whatever the name be for it, it is an amazing place, and that is where we all go. We never actually die. We have earthly emotions, which get involved, but in the end scheme of things, missing someone, is just a sentiment we feel on an earthly level. Spiritually, we won't have to miss that person, because spiritually, sadness does not exist, and we know they will be waiting for us on the other side, and by that time, we will probably laugh and joke about all the earthly things we endeared.

From my own experiences, i know there is physical, and sexual concepts in the spiritual and heaven, if you want to dance, you can, if you want to cuddle, you can, but even sex, for example, it is much more amazing and orgasmic then what we experience on an earthly level, unless on earth you have managed to have spiritual sex, then you would know what it is like. Love, is so pure up there, more intense than anything.

In the spiritual, we can take on whatever form we choose. I'd say, whatever form she chooses to be in, you would love anyway. It may be hard to grasp, but you won't have any earthly connection by the time your life is over, thus this question probably won't matter to you then. It's all love.
From personal experience, all my dead loved ones, choose to be in the form of their earthly bodies when i see them. Some of them even take on younger forms, from when they were doing better. Some just take on the form from when they last were.

Hi James

All anyone can say at this time is sorry for your loss. If I could take your pain away I would, believe me.

Just right now there is little you can do. You are still here and you need to get on with your Life as best you can. All of your thoughts and energies should be going into this, and it will pass. That's easy to say though. Try and let her go, it's the only way forward. Once this passes - and it will pass - then you can do something about communicating with her again. For now she's in your Heart and that is the best place for her to be, as long as she's there she's never too far away from you. Sit down when you have the time and calm yourself. Light a candle for her and talk to her, remember the good times. Do this as many times as you feel a need to and for as long as you need to but be careful not to ritualise it. As the need for the candle diminishes so you'll have an indication that you're coming to accept. Come time you'll be more ready to try and communicate.

[NightSpirit]

Hello James

Nothing I say can help with your grief. As I was reading your post of your sweetie's last moments, I had a huge lump in my throat, as I could feel your pain but also your bravery. The sadest part is, you aren't able to grieve till afterwards, because you had to stay brave for her. Now its your time and have it, you must!

I lost my soulmate 3yrs just passed, and although I can get through the day without tears now, there's still that empty hole in my heart. I'm now with a new partner, which has helped tremendously with the length and severity of my grieving process...I was blessed with that.

I have no answers for your questions. In fact, these are the same questions I keep asking myself. We just don't know for sure what's on the other side, or if there is one. Sometimes, like yourself, I get definite signs to believe there is. Other times, I fall into doubt and wonder if its just my own mind playing tricks.

One time I might like to pm you and share my own last-hours personal experience with you. But not now....now is not the time.

What worked for me was to talk to him constantly like he was still here in the physical. At these times I felt like I was losing it...that I was going insane...and if anyone were to hear me, they would think I was. But, it kept me close to him and helped me to release all the pent-up stuff inside of me. Sometimes I'd get angry at him, sometimes I'd talk about those special moments, other times I'd just find myself prattling on about anything...raving, more like it hehehe

I feel for you and I know you still have a long road to go before you find that space without the constant pain. It took me 3yrs, as I said.

Just talk to her and know she can hear you. Set a space for her at the table or go visit your favourite spots. This is all part of sharing, without the physical touch. Each of us is different and there is no time-frame for healing. Whatever you wish to believe is true and in your heart, is what there will be for you.

Blessings

[BlueSky]

If descriptions of dying might upset you please, please do not read on! Mike


I should have listened.............

To read that was to suffer with you and for you, it was to suffer again.
To replay it in your mind is to suffer over and over.
I pray that you find the strength to 'end' the suffering.
James


Note: this thread is Mike's..not James. Somehow my name got used in replying to Mike by a couple of you. Just clearing things up

Hi all, just back from a long and stressful day at work and have been lifted to find such kind replies :-)

I'll try and post a bit more later once I have caught my breath.

Blessings to all

Mike

Hi again.

First up, if anyone has dream interpretation skills could they pop and have a look at my dream I posted on the dream board.
Now you know me better it might be an easier task, thanks.

As to the replies here, well I am somewhat easier than I was upon my arrival.
I did wonder if I should share what is after all very intimate and painful insights of my small life.
However I am glad I did.
I can't really talk to anyone you see, I live alone now, can't talk to dad because he is wrapped up in his own world, sister is so upset about mum and apart from my wifes sister there is nobody so its been helpful to share with such nice folk as here.

I take from all this that my wife is still my wife, the amazing lady I knew and always will be.
She is not now some nondescript cloud of energy.
She will wait for me, and is near to me as much as she can be.
She can hear and see me at will and I should talk to her (which I do)
That my deep agony at her loss is something of a barrier to better communications.
That when my time comes, she will come for me and we can be in each others arms for all time thereafter.
That our interactions can be just as close and perfect as they were and nothing will be missing maybe even enhanced!

I have been in utter turmoil over all this, like a leaf in a gale force wind blown by opinions and teachings of others this was and that, its only here that some sort of clarity has come my way and I deeply thank you all :-)

While I know I am still in great need of your support and council I will also be trying to add things to this community that some may find helpful and interesting.

Take care all of you :-)

Mike

[Xan]

HalfaMan... You are facing an enormous challenge in losing both your beloved wife and your mother. And all you describe is part of the deep grieving that is natural and necessary... for you to heal and grow from this.

At some point you may find you are willing to begin to let go of the pain... the loss, and the pain you took from your wife... because you would rather feel the connection and the love with her instead.

Many people are able to connect and commune with loved ones who have gone to the other side. It may help you to read some of the many true stories about their experiences. One book I suggest is: "True Stories of Messages from Beyond" by Julie Aydlott.


blessings
Xan

One thing to keep in mind, Heaven and Hell, there's a lot more out there than just those two places. She could be wandering around, she could be in one of those two places, she could have reincarnated, she could be hanging around the house. You can channel her, you can pray for her, you do whatever you want, what I personally would do, is astral project and hunt them down.