Chart reading?

[Delsol]

If anyone is so inclined, I would very much appreciate a high level reading (please) - am at a crossroads in life and feel stuck - first time ever I don't know what to do.

Mainly, I am obsessed over a negative situation since a year now - not my normal mode. Usually I have compassion, understand different perspectives - forgive. Not this time. Will it never end? Nothing I do seems to help. My brain won't let it go, and I know this is not right. I am humbled by the power of this rage. Did not know I was capable of it, and don't want to be. It is impacting my health, happiness - everything. Also, what field might be natural for a second career for me? I am at a crossroads; do I try to get back into the corporate world - do what is known and less risky, or go my own way and trust my instincts?

Hope you all had a beautiful holiday - happy 2017!

[Rozie]

I don't care to get into much detail, but I will look at at problem or a question and address that. Since I know you will respond at least, I looked.

You have a bucket chart. The handle of your bucket is Saturn in Taurus which opposes your Scorpio planets. That Saturn is a primary focus for you, but it is in your 12th house which is 'hidden'..It's your house of self-undoing they say, but really it is your subconscious. That is why it is hidden. Self-undoing is self sabotage, but it also spirituality. Saturn represents structure, so it would appear that you have a good structure, that is your psyche is strong.

Transiting Saturn has been going back and forth over your moon all year. I think that is what is hitting you hard. Moon is your emotions and saturn is discipline and hard work and it can be painful. I suspect that since your Saturn is a sore spot for you in your chart, the Saturn transit over your moon has done a number on you. The Saturn could represent a person, likely an older man, a father figure, someone in authority, or one who is assuming that role. Moon is your emotions, but also represents feminine energy, or a woman. I would assume from what you said and from the transit, that someone was trying to control or oppress you.

You can look up the bucket chart pattern and read about it.

That is moving along and the energy of that is nearly out of range. You should be moving past that.

Your north node is in the 10th house. That is your house of career and public image...North node is supposed to be where you are headed in this life, what you are supposed to do.. 10th house is business, so it makes sense to be a businesswoman, or work in the corporate world. Your focus is career. Your 10th house is Aquarius and that could be technology, electricity, computers, and it is about surprises, the unexpected and originality. You could put a spin on anything really.

Your 10th house of career is ruled by Uranus as the modern ruler..Your Uranus is in Libra so that suggests public relation and diplomacy.

The traditional ruler of Aquarius is Saturn. I don't usually use the traditional ruler but in this case it is important. Saturn is the natural ruler of the 10th and it is so important in your chart.

I think that career is important to your life path, but Saturn's placement is both a challenge and an advantage..I think you have to consider your intuition but don't let it sideline you.

The problem is that your Saturn opposes your planets including your Mercury, which is your ruling planet. Mercury is thinking and communication, there could be conflict with your subconcious and conscious mind.

That is what I see as the power struggle. Your intuition wants to take the lead, because it is Saturn, but your planets in Scorpio are like 'no'...That is what you have to reconcile. I think you have to consciously make decisions rather then rely on your intuition. You can take advice from your intuition, but don't let it lead you. You are the leader, and your subconscious, or guidance is the advisor. That is how I see a best outcome.

[Delsol]

Thank you so much Rozie. I appreciate your extending the energy - taking the time; what you've read into it opened my eyes a bit and makes sense, helps clarify, truly. Perhaps Saturn skating back and forth across my moon explains the near debilitation I experienced this past year - an entirely new sensation. I decided to follow my intuition completely as a way out of it, and though that helped in some ways (lead me to a new town, a better physical space) I feel I wasted a year in others; head and heart looping back and forth in stagnating confusion. Still not sure how I feel about all of that. It was what it was; seemed weirdly beyond my control - though I tried to control it by God! Ha ha. You are right, too, in that this feeling is passing rather quickly now, each day the brain fog is clearing in leaps and bounds. For instance, this week I felt amazing - in spurts. At this point, I suspect I need to bring my brain back to the forefront and marry the two (inner life/intuition and 3d practical matters) together somehow. The idea of going back to the corporate world feels about as exciting as eating dirt, but perhaps I CAN create my own business, still express myself creatively but make money in the process. At my age and station, there is a chance at a second career - something completely new, or at least a twist on something old (spent my working life in the computer field). Maybe something totally radical isn't the best route, but rather building on skills with a new purpose. Hmmm. Kind of exciting, that. Maybe the main thing now is more action, less feeling and thinking! What you say about Saturn in the 12th house is fascinating too - rings so true - the hidden self. I envy those who know their passion, understand what they want to be doing. For me, it is more like an investigation, asking questions only I have the answers to, but those answers remain hidden. Can be frustrating, because at the same time I am aware of huge potential, just not for what - there are a gazillion things I could try, and so let another week go by trying none of them. Ha ha. Difficult feeling to put into words. Spirituality has been and remains a huge part of my life/quest for understanding. I think I should dive even deeper there, but not get lost in my inner world any further for awhile. About the oppressor, interesting. I think I have been oppressing myself, blaming it on someone else. All with good reason, but in the end, only I have kept myself chained while processing all kinds of **** - all in that foggy headspace. Not fun. Stunning realizations! But not fun. Ha ha. Anyway! All this to say, thank you. I will read what you wrote multiple times and probably glean new nuggests with each reading - will also look into bucket charts. If there is ever anything I can do for you for the sake of reciprocity, please let me know. I paint a little - could do your portrait if you like. Happy new year! S.

[Rozie]

Scorpio's do investigate, research, and dig deeper.

It is interesting that you were in the computer field because that is what Aquarius signifies, and that is the ruler of your house of career. I think you would have the most success in business or public relations because your chart supports that. It is easier to swim with the current rather then against it. Work is important to you. You have all your planets in your 6th house, which is the house of daily work. Both career and work are emphasized in your chart. You are a worker.

That Saturn passing over your moon would be hard. Saturn can really knock someone down. If you do Saturn's work, there are rewards. It isn't like taking a beating for no reason. There is a pot at the end of the rainbow if you do your work. You did it.

As for your next move, you will make the judgment. You must do the research and the planning and you will be advised by your guidance. It won't lead you around like it was doing. That way isn't right for you. You have to take back the reigns.

I don't need reciprocity and certainly not my portrait, but you could paint something that I would like. It doesn't have be big, but I like to get my messages also. I am sure you would come up with something that I would find useful.

Good luck and Happy New year to you too.