My Genes Made Me Do It!

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Aaron Lowe

Personally, I take responsibility for all my actions, whether they are my fault or not. I somehow end up taking a lot of responsibility for other people's actions as well, even though I don't want to.

...Ahhh.....hallelujah.
I hear this as the music of the spheres.
Sounds so good.

But yes, a fine line between recognising we are all our brothers' & sisters' keepers, but yet they too are responsible for their own actions.

Otherwise, you get put upon and used, as you noted.
There's one easy way to give your wife some perspective. Let her do it next time, and let her know you expect some basic courtesy if she needs help. As being arrogant and demanding (of help) at the same time is typically incompatible in our realm unless she is also the potentate or dictator

BTW, just for consideration for you (and for all gents) if applicable -- if she's a de factor dictator in your home because she can withhold something, that's a zero-sum game and as long as you are loving and kind to her, then you need to call her out on that. After all, you could withhold love and courtesy same as she could, as well as touch, but you choose NOT to do so (I am assuming). This is also why men absolutely need to be able to own their game for weeks and months. Sex cannot be the core of why you are with another human being . And yet, an authentically loving and committed relationship welcomes sexual intimacy. The real question is, do you both share an authentic love for one another that seeks the highest good of the other, equally to the self?

As a man, you need to be centred in the knowledge that you do not require any woman (yes, that's right --sex is not required for your personal survival like food and water)...rather, you choose to be with a particular woman out of an authentic love. Otherwise, if it's not primarily for a mutual authentic love, you are in serious trouble and you absolutely can be manipulated by a dictator, unless you are willing to force sex.

As a man, you need to know that you are strong in yourself and that you cannot and will not be manipulated for access to sex and/or treated badly or debased...because you are not desperate and you can choose to continue to own your game. Dignity is a core aspect of authentic love, which IMO cannot exist without dignity.

Peace & blessings
7L

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by linen53

I didn't mean to leave you hanging 7L, it's been a zoo here.

You about blasted me away with your thoughts on core issues. It's like you were speaking straight at me. There have been a lot of issues of vulnerability to anger to forgiveness to healing to understanding to reconciliation to moving on in my life. It was necessary for the things I needed to learn. The maturity I needed to develop.

Linen, no problem at all, mi amiga. It's been a zoo here too

Yes...me too What you said here.
I never really had a problem forgiving or letting go. But then I was really challenged to dig in and shoulder some things, in order to understand the true nature of love. So many of those seem to take advantage of the authentic love in their lives, which to me has always seemed jarring and dischordant in the extreme. Additionally, there is as I touched on, all the negative and pejorative assumptions and biases that you find put upon you...but which seem particularly jarring and dischordant when coming from those with whom you have a deeper soul resonance.

The spiritual seeker in me was challenged to better understand why is it, that certain of those closest to you in your soul fam will misunderstand you or judge you harshly? Particularly if not your immed. fam. and no longstanding history in this current lifetime. Where do those biases come from? Are they so fully indoctrinated in current culture that they cannot truly see and hear another human being? Or is it more...is it also prior/other life baggage that has been unwittingly carried forward? Well...certainly it may be the former, but it seems to be it is nearly always the latter. The other-life baggage. That is always what remains to be healed and reconciled.

I loved, absolutely loved your telling of your meeting. So graphic, so many issues, feelings, conflicts, love, understanding. It was mind boggling to read, thank you so much for sharing. I know I will have such a meeting when I get to the other side, that I'm sure.

I really love hearing that it resonated. You absolutely will have such a meeting! I feel like we are having these meetings a lot more regularly than we realise, but we usually can't access them directly.

Comes down to what you said. Forgiveness and reconciliation. I had someone once tell me that the only things we have to deal with are the things in our own back yard. So very true!

Yes. Forgiveness and reconciliation. That's it in a nutshell, manifesting the love in ways that heal our brokenness.
I completely agree..it's all about what's in our own backyard. I think what many folks may not yet fully understand is just exactly what still lurks in that backyard, hahaha!

Here are a list of what I remember of past lives and concurrent lives. Yes, I keep a list, lest I forget when I need it quickly, like now.

*Past Lives ^Concurrent Lives

*Priestess to the Goddess Isis-X 2
*Greek Orthodox Priest
*Polynesian Girl to be sacrificed
*Man, smoking a pipe and live in Sweden
*Plantation Daughter who commit suicide

^Successful Businesswoman
^Artist on another planet, female, plump, loving and gentle

Very cool. I think it's very interesting how you were in religious orders twice.
It speaks to a very special kind of dedication. I don't think I would have been able to handle the hierarchy, hahaha !!! Though being a priestess of Isis sounds pretty fascinating. I also think it is very interesting how your lives have alternated genders. That is also very cool. I don't know if that's the norm but it seems like one way or the other, we all need to balance out our experiences and understanding this way.

What I still know from my experiences is that, compared to being a man, day-to-day existence as a woman is generally a lot harder and more complicated. Our emotions are nuanced and multifaceted, and that's additionally to be expected when you are not experiencing a life of parity in dignity and opportunity and value. However, we are generally allowed the right to our express our feelings as women...as even whilst we may be mocked for them, it is one aspect of a broader level of affirmation that we all need for deeper growth in spirit. I hope this vulnerability and transparency is something we as a species can finally learn to value and allow for men too.

As a man, on the other hand, my experience is overwhelmingly that there is a much higher and more constant level of well-being, of liberty and autonomy, and of affirmation of worth and dignity day-to-day, commensurate with the greater levels of social value and of bodily security and safety we experience as men in many realities. Such as the present one. BUT...men are at least as likely if not more likely to die violently at the hands of other men. And not just in times of war and crisis. At least, in realities such as this one.

Here's hoping for more love and less violence and oppression, all round!
And thank you so much for sharing re: your other lives. I really enjoyed it.

Peace & blessings,
7L

[Aaron Lowe]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

After all, you could withhold love and courtesy same as she could, as well as touch, but you choose NOT to do so (I am assuming). This is also why men absolutely need to be able to own their game for weeks and months. Sex cannot be the core of why you are with another human being . And yet, an authentically loving and committed relationship welcomes sexual intimacy. The real question is, do you both share an authentic love for one another that seeks the highest good of the other, equally to the self?

I discovered today that the app I installed to block all incoming calls (that aren't in my contacts) doesn't work.

I got a call from an unknown number and it was my wife. She asked me to travel to her work to install the presentation. What can I say, I'm an eternal optimist but it causes me so much pain.

I went to her workplace. She didn't tell me that she had forgotten to bring the laptop the presentation will be shown from. I persisted and installed the presentation on her work computer to demonstrate that it works.

I explained why it had to be done this way. At almost every stage she made it as difficult and painful as possible to complete the job. I left feeling angry. Angry at myself for falling for it again and again.

Right now I'm getting to the point where I just don't care. Some people are just hopeless. They thwart any and all attempts to have a normal relationship with them.

I've agreed to install the presentation on her laptop (if and when she ever remembers it) because I want to complete what I started. But apart from that she doesn't exist to me. I've had enough of damaging people.

[gemma]

so sorry you are having all this Aaron, hope things turn around for you soon...

I'm just a blip on a screen, but I can feel your pain. Take care.

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Aaron Lowe

I discovered today that the app I installed to block all incoming calls (that aren't in my contacts) doesn't work.

I got a call from an unknown number and it was my wife. She asked me to travel to her work to install the presentation. What can I say, I'm an eternal optimist but it causes me so much pain.

I went to her workplace. She didn't tell me that she had forgotten to bring the laptop the presentation will be shown from. I persisted and installed the presentation on her work computer to demonstrate that it works.

I explained why it had to be done this way. At almost every stage she made it as difficult and painful as possible to complete the job. I left feeling angry. Angry at myself for falling for it again and again.

Right now I'm getting to the point where I just don't care. Some people are just hopeless. They thwart any and all attempts to have a normal relationship with them.

I've agreed to install the presentation on her laptop (if and when she ever remembers it) because I want to complete what I started. But apart from that she doesn't exist to me. I've had enough of damaging people.

I'm sorry to hear that Aaron. Do you feel she is present, giving, and considerate of you in any other aspect(s) of your relationship?

If not, and if you still want to try rather than wash your hands of it...

Then IMO you need to go to a mediator, so that your perspective gets heard and gets equal time. It sounds like you currently don't feel safe voicing your thoughts & feelings to her, and that is a serious problem because you do deserve to feel safe in that way. Who's to say that wouldn't change things? It's possible that it might, if she knew you were not afraid to call her on her stuff, nor to share your thoughts & feelings re: her treatment of you. Maybe she is insensitive but not hopeless.

I would suggest (no kidding) the Quakers/Friends. They provide neutral mediation, and it's absolutely for regular folks in the neighbourhood as well. Cost is never an issue and they will work with anyone.

From there, once you feel your wife has learnt how to listen and what your concerns are, AND if she sincerely wants to reinvest in your relationship in ways that are meaningful to you and not just to her, then you can see a therapist and you may actually get something out of it.

I wish you all the best on this & I hope you come to some positive resolution on things

Peace & blessings
7L

[Aaron Lowe]

Well, I told her I want the relationship to be over. I gave my reasons why. She attempted to own the situation by repeating those same reasons and offering to end it "if I wished".

I just swallowed the situation and said ok. I don't care who owns the ending of it. I said I'll be sad at your funeral, that we had a chance but you threw it away, then I said goodbye. And I meant it. (Sounds terrible as I write it but I'm younger and my wife has medical concerns. If we lose contact I'll only hear about her again on her death. That will hurt but it's the way it has to be).

I have just gone through this too many times and want no more of it.

It's not nice to lose someone you love, but it's better in the long run to let them go than let it degenerate into something much worse. Over time I will get back to the feeling of normality I had before we met.

And as for mediation, I just don't believe it would work. Actually, it would annoy me if it did work because that would magnify that my ex was more willing to listen to a stranger. People have to look after their relationships as it can end at any moment.

[linen53]

7L Interesting our take on what we have to learn.

In my early years there was no love or support to speak of from family members or those close to me. That's something I had to find on my own many years later. And with such a negative influence in my early years there was much anger that I had to lug around with me every day, 24/7/365 till I was in my 50's.

Only when I got so tired of thinking it, eating it, breathing it when I began hating who I was and the whole pity party theme.

First I had to learn to stop destroying myself. That comes from lack of self love. I worked on forgiving myself; my forgiveness was centered toward me, not anyone outside my sphere. That's where I started. Once I learned to forgive myself, I learned to love myself. From there I could span outward and forgive those in my periphery. But it had to start with me.

It's my belief that I was not raised by my soul family. It's a choice I made before incarnating, to be born into the family that I was born in. Because it was my choice to learn some pretty tough lessons that could only be absorbed once everything else was stripped away.

To add to the mix, the genes (back to the subject of this thread) that I was born with into in this lifetime actually helped me achieve what I came here to learn. That's a kicker, huh?

As far as family misjudging, that is not my issue in this lifetime. I think they were amazed that I actually survived, and, yes, flourished. They really wanted nothing to do with me because I was nothing but a reminder of what had happened so many years ago.

Prior life baggage has been a deterrent for me in some of this lifetime. Those past lives helped me see that. I saw direct connections to my frustrations I live with now and how they developed back then.

BTW, I wanted to explain my past life priestess (to Isis) incarnations. The first lifetime I actually adored the Goddess. I served her with every fiber of my body. After that lifetime and into another upcoming life, I want to go back and serve as a priestess again. The advisers tried to dissuade me but I was adamant. So I went back to serve as a priestess to Isis again. But this time it was at the decline of her popularity. The people did not worship her as they had before. I was heartbroken. Utterly devastated.

When I was a priest I did have much frustration in dealing with the hierarchy. It was my immediate supervisor that frustrated me the most. So yes, there was some of that to deal with. As the priestess there was much freedom of love and emotions.

Yes, I have changed genders often. They say we prefer one gender over the other. And incarnate in that gender the most often. Lol, I just realized one of my incarnations wasn't included in the list. I was a Nordic Warrior and the head of a group of warriors. We traveled across the waters to raid other villages. My memory was, just returning home. My men and I were successful and had many spoils. I told my men to go on up and start celebrating and I'd be with them shortly. My patched in memory saw me (as the warrior) looking out over the boats into the seas and wondering to myself that there must be more to life than just what I had thus far experienced. Something more to life. I felt a hole in my heart.

The strength of that warrior still resides in me today.

[linen53]

Originally Posted by Aaron Lowe

I discovered today that the app I installed to block all incoming calls (that aren't in my contacts) doesn't work.

I got a call from an unknown number and it was my wife. She asked me to travel to her work to install the presentation. What can I say, I'm an eternal optimist but it causes me so much pain.

I went to her workplace. She didn't tell me that she had forgotten to bring the laptop the presentation will be shown from. I persisted and installed the presentation on her work computer to demonstrate that it works.

I explained why it had to be done this way. At almost every stage she made it as difficult and painful as possible to complete the job. I left feeling angry. Angry at myself for falling for it again and again.

Right now I'm getting to the point where I just don't care. Some people are just hopeless. They thwart any and all attempts to have a normal relationship with them.

I've agreed to install the presentation on her laptop (if and when she ever remembers it) because I want to complete what I started. But apart from that she doesn't exist to me. I've had enough of damaging people.

I felt this in your last post and even stronger in this post. I have a similar situation with my daughter. She always undermined me, even as a child. She destroyed things that belonged to me, she scorned my wisdom, she undermined me in every way possible. And it only got worse as she got older.

It wasn't until years later that I realized that she was doing all of this unconsciously. But then, her and I have a history together. We were sisters in another life. We had an overbearing father. No mother. So it was just the two of us. I was raped by my father's foreman and subsequently I commit suicide. I left her. I abandoned her to my father's raw emotions. She died a spinster. Alone and bitter. So yes, she has much anger towards me from that lifetime.

Her and I don't talk anymore in this lifetime. We haven't spoken to one another since 2012. It has to be that way. I love her very much but I can't deal with her anger. It's out of control. It got to the point that every conversation we had was threaded with her anger. I couldn't live like that anymore, waiting for her to blow. So I asked her to leave.

Of course she turned it on me. And that's okay. I'm hoping once both of our lives are over here we can sit and talk and clear the air. I hope. According to 7L's experiences with meeting with her other incarnations it may not be that easy. But I've gotten off the hamster wheel. I won't play that game anymore.

What I'm trying to say is there might be more to your wife's behavior than what is on the surface. There might be some past life mitigating circumstances that is causing her to unconsciously trigger you like she does. Might I suggest a past life regression counselor for the two of you? By you just walking away you only doom the two of you to repeat this in another lifetime.

[Aaron Lowe]

Originally Posted by linen53

What I'm trying to say is there might be more to your wife's behavior than what is on the surface. There might be some past life mitigating circumstances that is causing her to unconsciously trigger you like she does. Might I suggest a past life regression counselor for the two of you? By you just walking away you only doom the two of you to repeat this in another lifetime.

At the moment I'm focussing on this life. Whatever happened in past lives belongs in the past. I have enough on my plate without adding stuff from another lifetime.

There are no short cuts. I welcome the doom because it will keep me tackling it. I don't see the doom as an enemy but as a friend. Bring on the doom lol.

In the short term (this life) I plan to move to Africa in the next few years. I'll try to set up a revenue stream so that I can do some local projects for the people. I enjoy helping people despite all that has happened.

Mine has been a strange life. I can't write it without destroying it and can't explain why without destroying it. So, the only ones who know my life is myself and God. And that's the way it's doomed to be across all the lifetimes that passed and all that are to come (if there are any).

Looking at the hurricanes hitting the Caribbean and Florida I'm reminded that the more you have the more you have to lose, and that wealth does not protect you from destitution. Any number brought to zero is equal to all other numbers brought to zero. That way 1 and 9,999,999 are the same number.

[linen53]

Aaron, I do understand when enough is enough. Virtual hugs may not mean much to you, but they come from my heart. I just wish I could take your hurt away.