Greeting / The Last 2 Years

[opal_dreamcatcher]

Hello. My name is Curtis Michel Leroux. I have used this website in the past to post my dreams and ask quested.

In the past two years, I have been on one of life's great adventure. I was in rehab for alcohol abuse March - May 2016. When I got out I was introduced to cocaine on late June and I absolutely fell in love with the drug. I was laying on my back in the grass with my barefoot and looking at the stars. I was conscious of my entire body absorbing the light of the heavens. I felt conscious of the earth. The deep cold soil and the high immortal trees. I attributed these feeling to the enormous line of cocaine I did earlier and the marijuana I came out to smoke in the first place.

Later on August 12, 2016 it was a hot day with no clouds whatsoever. The night before I bought my first bag of meth. overnight I snorted it with my friend who I knew from high school and I met again in rehab in April. We bought a meth pipe sometime around noon on March 12. It was early afternoon when we put some shards in the bat and melted the ice. I took a hit and learned the chemistry and technique that is involved in smoking a meth pipe. I looked out the window and it was hailing with chunks of the ice as large as gollf blalls. The beginning of my addiction to crystal meth welcomed me with a sudden downpour of ice in the heat of August.

I was kicked out of home on September 5th for using crystal meth in the house. My beloved companion whoI am deeply wounded by for her loss while I was in a state of drug addiction hurts me so much..... I was living in a detox facility that was whatever you would make of it. There, I met a nurse who would come to guide me for the next year. Over that year my personality began to slowly change but I maintain my indiviality always.

I got involved with a girl affiliated with Hells Angel's and that was a scare for me because I thought my life was at risk so I went to a psychiatric hospital
I met there a man who practiced blood magic, claimed to have a lost soul stolen by a freemason, and believed me to be the incarnation of thoth.
we stayed in contact until once displayed my skills in front of him and he was appalled. He never spoke to me again. I was drunk and under the influence of meth and GHB.

I was in Alberta hospital yet again and lost my bed at a group home. I would go from Hospital to drug rehab to an assisted living situation (harm reduction). This is the place I began inject meth into my arms and later my feet and legs. My sister once talked to me Bout her discussion her our mother about all the atrocities u have endured and I simply dont remember any of them ot they are not so bad in my head. anyways, in September I met a ring of drug dealers and prostitutes m. I wanted in and soon I was on call 24 hours a day for $160 / hour. If I do this in the future, I will have a different price evaluation method. on average it will be $1000 / hour possible reductions for returning clientele. A boyfriend who I loved and he loved me moved into my apartment. I think we were in love with the addict in each other. I saw myself in him he in himself and I wanted to save him he wanted to save me. It was a tragic ending for us and when I broke free of his bond my business really took off.

I was making Thousands as a cross dresser and dealer of many products. I had a billion dollar idea and I was prepared to work towards my goals but I couldn't do it alone. I could find nobody who would not steal from me and I took on too many responsibilities so my business crashed when it had made 23,000 and it was broke. 2nd week of March, beginning December 26th.

Now, my business crashed.
My energy level crashed.
I'm extremely detached from the world which previously primarily revolved around money, sex, drugs, and business. Now all that is gone.

I was to own a travel agency, sell real estate, create scholarships, build schools, And much more

Most of all, I want to hold onto my urge to destroy and instead help and heal.

[Chrysalis]

Greetings opal dreamcatcher and welcome to SF!

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

i take it that you'd intended to speak of relinquishing an urge to destroy
opal_dreamcatcher. such a typo may indicate a freudian slip, where
an unrecognized truth is revealed. i suggest that you get it straight, within
your own mind, just exactly what your intentions are. if you're holding onto
conflicting ideas, you'll be waging war against yourself.
namaste

[Aethera]

Originally Posted by H:O:R:A:C:E

i take it that you'd intended to speak of relinquishing an urge to destroy
opal_dreamcatcher. such a typo may indicate a freudian slip, where
an unrecognized truth is revealed. i suggest that you get it straight, within
your own mind, just exactly what your intentions are. if you're holding onto
conflicting ideas, you'll be waging war against yourself.
namaste

I agree, its important that he reflects inside about his intentions and his ideas, that build his perspective - how they are, and impact him are important. He doesn't want to wage a war against himself if he wants to heal.