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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #41  
Old 24-07-2013, 01:32 AM
Gem Gem is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Australia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spectrum
OK, so by now many people have told me that I need to be active and focus on my hobbies. That is nice, but the problem is that I have tried that. There have been several periods in my life (of months or years) where I focused my energy on my hobbies and did not try to chase girls. It did not solve my problem It made me happy part of the time, but there was always that lingering pain. I "knew" that my life was missing something vitally important.

I could be happy as long as I kept my mind on other matters. But every time I was reminded of the fact that there exist such things as romance and sex, I felt pain because I wasn't having it and it seemed that I could not get it. And whenever I talked to a girl I liked, my neediness would resurface (except in exceptional cases, like when I was having had an exceptionally good day AND I was drunk).

So, to summarize: Distancing myself from the hunger (by immersing myself in my hobbies) has not cured the pain. Attempting to feed the hunger (by chasing girls) has not cured the pain either. Hence I believe that I need to do something else. I suspect that I need to "face" this neediness somehow. I don't know what that means or how I do that, but I suspect (or hope) that soul-searching and meditation can help me find an answer to that question.

Another thing, though: I am curious as to why you, spiritspark8 believe that a relationship cannot fill the "void", but a hobby can. Is the kind of happiness produced by a hobby a "better" kind of happiness than that produced by a relationship?

You feel meditation and soul searching is the way to go, so I guess that's the way to go.
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Radiate boundless love towards the entire world ~ Buddha
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  #42  
Old 27-07-2013, 01:27 AM
soulful
Posts: n/a
 
We often get what we resonate out into the universe. If you are trying to 'accept being single' that is exactly what you will be...SINGLE.

Try a different affirmation like a positive one. For instance, "I will attract a partner that will appreciate me." Positive earns positive lifestyles. Negative earns negative lifestyles.

You have to SHIFT your thought process to be in alignment with exactly what you what. If it's negative, the universe will make sure you receive negative.
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  #43  
Old 27-07-2013, 05:32 AM
astralsuzy astralsuzy is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Australia
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Sounds great advice.
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  #44  
Old 27-07-2013, 09:37 AM
Spectrum
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by soulful
We often get what we resonate out into the universe. If you are trying to 'accept being single' that is exactly what you will be...SINGLE.

Try a different affirmation like a positive one. For instance, "I will attract a partner that will appreciate me." Positive earns positive lifestyles. Negative earns negative lifestyles.

You have to SHIFT your thought process to be in alignment with exactly what you what. If it's negative, the universe will make sure you receive negative.
I have tried that. A lot. I have not been able to consistently believe it. So now I am doing something else.
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  #45  
Old 11-08-2013, 02:29 PM
AstraeaLunaAvani AstraeaLunaAvani is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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I can relate. I am going to be 41 in a few weeks and I've only had one boyfriend and that only lasted 2 years. I didn't enjoy having sex, so i've never gotten to experience how amazing it can be. I feel like the 40 year old virgin.

How I deal with being single is, I just go on with my life, occasionally when I like a guy and he doesn't like me back, I get depressed about it, ask my friends about it, post on forums about it, LOL...but then I eventually get back to not being depressed about it, once the guy is out of my life. I am "ok", not 100% happy, but not depressed either. I just believe (like you, i'm sure) that life would be better with someone to share it with, I mean that's naturally what we all prefer.

I also get so sick of people saying "the right one is out there", "dont worry, it'll happen", blah blah blah. I am almost too old to have kids, so don't tell me I'll have a family someday, that would require me to meet the perfect man tomorrow and we'd have to be in a relationship right away and I'd have to get pregnant right away...nah, not gonna happen.

I've just gotten used to being single, I guess, that's the only way I can describe it. I hope you don't get to my age and still haven't found anyone, but if you do, I'm proof that you won't die of loneliness! lol
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  #46  
Old 11-08-2013, 05:22 PM
Spectrum
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani
I can relate. I am going to be 41 in a few weeks and I've only had one boyfriend and that only lasted 2 years. I didn't enjoy having sex, so i've never gotten to experience how amazing it can be. I feel like the 40 year old virgin.

How I deal with being single is, I just go on with my life, occasionally when I like a guy and he doesn't like me back, I get depressed about it, ask my friends about it, post on forums about it, LOL...but then I eventually get back to not being depressed about it, once the guy is out of my life. I am "ok", not 100% happy, but not depressed either. I just believe (like you, i'm sure) that life would be better with someone to share it with, I mean that's naturally what we all prefer.

I also get so sick of people saying "the right one is out there", "dont worry, it'll happen", blah blah blah. I am almost too old to have kids, so don't tell me I'll have a family someday, that would require me to meet the perfect man tomorrow and we'd have to be in a relationship right away and I'd have to get pregnant right away...nah, not gonna happen.

I've just gotten used to being single, I guess, that's the only way I can describe it. I hope you don't get to my age and still haven't found anyone, but if you do, I'm proof that you won't die of loneliness! lol
What you describe is exactly what I fear, so I am not going to re-read or comment on what you wrote. Thanks for the reply, though.
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  #47  
Old 29-08-2013, 04:38 PM
white123
Posts: n/a
 
Incredible - just googling around and found a post that is about me!

I have the exactly same feelings!

It is just bothering me 'cause this year I will turn 30 and I would like to be in a relationship.

I know every one "advice" - just be yourself, do what you love.. c'mon..

Last year I started my own business - I do all day on my project and I didn't think about girls at all! No one single tough - and you know what? NOTHING! I think this is quite normal that when you are at home all day and programming, the sexi girl just don't knock on your door and say - hello, I wanna date you! In other way - when you are going to fishing - you need to take a fishing equipment to get one. when you are going to hunting - you need a gun. So when you want a girlfriend - just be yourself and do nothing about it? REALLY?? In which universe?

You want to tell me that when I don't want it, I don't think about it and I will meet the one (she, of course, doesn't want it and think about it too)? Hmm.. good luck..

the second what is bothering me is that what I have read in one book about this: "don't do the woman the priority of your life" - or you will loose her..

c'mon! I know SO MANY guys in my age whose lives can be described like this " wake up, go to job (they hate), go home, watch soccer or TV, have a beer, have a sex with a GF, go to sleep)..

They have NONE of my dreams and they have tried NOTHING to have a better life - still having GF and regular love/sex!

<>

Third: have a hobby - last year I bought an RC model. When I was playing with it - I was really happy BUT I was still feeling that something big, something important is missing me right now! And than I feel like an almost 30 years old idiot playing with rc model and not f.ing his GF!
What other hobbies? reading book? great! It is really relationship making hobby.. Or collecting stamps? :)

We need love, we need sex and we need it now! not as 50 years old! Every day our stamina, energy and taste is going down! NOW is the right time!

I know so many people which have nothing but only GF. Drinking alcohol, smoking, job less, but still with some pretty GF for sex and love!

Last summer I realized a hard fact - I was on my way home from language course (trying to learn something new, have a better feature, THINKING..) and I met one of my friend - very modest IQ, jobless, drinker - just heading to the city with really sex GF! <>asking myself - why am I bothering..? for what?! To have money = have a big house = be there ALONE?!

I was talking about this with my friend (39yold) very intelligent but ugly and shy and he told me about his friend - unemployed, 1 kid with one lady, now dating another lady :)

And then I just got it! IT IS ALL ABOUT LOOKS!

If you are pretty - you are ALWAYS in relationship!

SO MANY pretty ladies with broken lives, drinking a lot, jobless, smoking, acting like a strippers BUT ALWAYS in relationships! Because there is always a men who want them. ALWAYS! And they are really thrash inside.. but nice body = relationship.

<>, somebody of us are born not pretty and then having problems all life with finding anyone. I think you are about 5 but wanna date 8 - 10, right? I know it, believe me..

So, forget all this stuff about being yourself, hobbies and so on, and go hunting.

If you are 5, and wanna date 8, you need to add +3. how? ask car dealer for help for example.. with ferrari you can be 3 and dating 9 with no problem :)

Women are just for money and confidence. When you are born as 5, date 5 or "bribe" some 8 with some other bonus points! it is life.. it is how it is going..

One my friend after break up needs a girl a lot!! A LOT! It was very very opposite of all advices about attraction! He spend all time on the internet and have 2 dates for a day! :) After about 10 meets he finally found the one - it is now 5 years old relationship. They are really made for each other! BUT he dates always very good dressed and use a car. You need to play a little with basic psychology - you are what you wear! Never ever underestimate this fact!

And my last advice: don't ever tell the girl everything on the beginning - just go for fun! the girl must be the one which will be like "do you want something more serious"? and so on.. and not you! you are the men! you just wanna play! (officially) so let girl play her role (convince him to relationship) and you play your role (I wanna sex only) - you got me? ;)


edited by SF staff

Last edited by in progress : 31-08-2013 at 05:28 PM.
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  #48  
Old 29-08-2013, 06:38 PM
Spectrum
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by white123
And my last advice
Hey, man. I emphasize a lot with your post.

I disagree with one thing, though: If you're not having success, you shouldn't be giving out advice about how to get success.

I'm not saying your conclusions are wrong. They might or might not be. I don't know. But you are not in a position to be giving advice (and neither am I).
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  #49  
Old 29-08-2013, 07:25 PM
white123
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spectrum
Hey, man. I emphasize a lot with your post.

I disagree with one thing, though: If you're not having success, you shouldn't be giving out advice about how to get success.

I'm not saying your conclusions are wrong. They might or might not be. I don't know. But you are not in a position to be giving advice (and neither am I).


funny.. when I was typing the post, I was thinking about the exactly same thing - should I give an advice when I'm not having R? :)

anyway, what's new? what is your progress?
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  #50  
Old 30-08-2013, 11:27 AM
Spectrum
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by white123
funny.. when I was typing the post, I was thinking about the exactly same thing - should I give an advice when I'm not having R? :)

anyway, what's new? what is your progress?
I haven't made any progress. But I can tell you what my plan is.

I want to be happy. I believe that I will need a great relationship in order to be happy. I need to be able to attract girls in order to get a relationship. I need to practice my attraction skills in order to attract girls. I believe I will need to develop a much more optimistic mentality before it makes sense to practice any external attraction skills. To do that I need to learn positive thinking. Positive thinking is impossible for me right now because I am filled with negativitiy.

These last months I have suffered from depression because I have many very strong negative thoughts and feelings. This mostly stems from the belief that I am stuck in my life and unable to achieve anything. I suspect that the way forward is to go "into" the negativity and "face" it. To learn to accept it and not be governed by it.

I have been meditating for half a year. During this time I have grown more negative and depressed than ever before. This looks like a bad thing at first glance. I want to believe that it is actually a good thing because the depression can teach me things. I don't know if this is true, of course, but I want to believe it.

Currently I am pursuing three different ways of dealing with negativity:

* Meditation with LifeFlow.
* John Sherman's method of "looking at yourself".
* EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques).

My tentative plan is:

1. Learn to cope with negativity using the methods mentioned above.
2. When I am no longer governed by uncontrollable negativity, practice positive thinking.
3. When positive thinking is an ingrained habit, practice attracting girls.
4. When I am good at attracting girls, find a suitable girl and get into a relationship.
5. Enjoy.

Right now I don't believe this plan will work. It seems that the more I strive towards a goal, the more obstacles appear, and the goal just moves further and further away. I believe that I am so horribly broken that I can spend all my life trying to fix myself and never get to a point where I am able to start living and begin to enjoy life and achieve external things.

I will probably never find happiness. But as long as I have a tiny bit of hope, trying is better than giving up. Let's see how long that hope lasts.
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