Controlling energy/aura :(

[TonySG]

Hi
I was looking for some advice on something I've always struggled with. As a child I grew up with a codependent Mother with poor emotional boundaries. Who despite all her best efforts was very subtly controlling of me. I was very shy growing up as I believe I am an empath and very sensitive. As I was so shy, in a bid to be 'seen' or 'visible' I believe I somehow created a energy or aura around me which makes me stand out. I think I have done this unconsciously as a child.

Now the problem I have is that this aura around me is quite controlling I feel (like my mums behavior). I also believe I have struggled with either too loose boundaries with some people and too rigid boundaries with others. I'm looking for some balance within this aspect of myself.

It's going to sound quite bizarre but my presence is quite controlling non verbally and I sense that others feel it. In the past I have worked in sales roles and I remember that when I used to join the team it would somewhat disrupte the team. Performance wise if I was doing well everyone else was struggling around me. Or if the people around me were preforming well I would be struggling. It was really strange but I picked up on it. It was as though I was hoarding all this energy from others but I don't want to do this anymore.

So now I would like to calm down this energy around me for it to be less controlling while transforming it into stronger and healthy boundaries. Is this possible to do? I feel like I've a powerful presence but it hasn't really served me.

Could this aura/energy around me be calmed down and internalised so I can use it for other things? Such as concentration, focus, working to reach my goals?

I hope someone understands this. I have wrote this off the cuff just from how I have felt and feel. I have no idea if what I am proposing is even possible?!

Is there any forms of energy healing which would help?

Thanks.

[ianalexanderr]

Sounds like as a result your ability to form healthy boundaries was damaged. Which would result in shyness/timidity, however you have compensated (in my opinion) by the need to impose control over the outside in a way that is disrespectful (In a way emulating your mother).

Rather than imposing control on the outside, a way to feel a sense of control would be to direct it within. Learn to control yourself in the sense of developing discipline. You don't have the right to impose yourself on others (the reason why people are uncomfortable) however control/power can indeed be cultivated in a way that respects everyone else, that is by imposing it on yourself.

Try doing this:
Take care of your appearance, by making the effort to look sharp.
Show up to work on time.
Don't miss deadlines, perform your best at your job.
Aspire to be the best at what you do
Accept and follow through with responsibilities/duties
Etc.

[The Back Seat]

Find a practice of internal energy work. There are many including chakra meditation, Qigong, tai qi. Love is the answer, and that comes from within. Noticing when you energy is conterproductive is a great start. Meditation can help you relax that energy, manipulate it, then strengthen it in a new way. It really comes down to awareness and intent, and it seems like you have a decent grasp on the awareness. Now just apply intent to it

[Belle]

There's a lot here!

I suggest you start looking at getting healthy boundaries - imagine an egg around you that goes into the ground and rises above your head. Keep reinforcing this egg several times throughout the day. If you become aware of an energy that might not belong to you - whisk it out of your aura and reinforce your egg.

My mother is similar (sounds similar on paper) to yours and has caused no end of problems. My sympathies.